


Burning House

by LadyLace



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And Steve Rogers broke it, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mpreg, Multi, Multiverse, Omega Tony Stark, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sick Tony Stark, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, There's A Tag For That, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLace/pseuds/LadyLace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of the Civil War Tony is captured by an unknown villain who goes by the name of Doctor. There he learns of a threat against Wakanda, and later on Dr. Strange and Reed Richards tell him of a new enemy that has Earth in his sights because of these "jewels" that keep popping up. They collect them all, fight Thanos, and then... well, there's lots of problems that need fixing that only a trip through the multiverse AND time can fix. Who knew incursions were a thing? Maybe he and Steve can somehow reconcile their differences by the time the bun in his oven is ready to pop out. Oh, look: Skrulls. Great.</p><p>Aka that fic where the author can't stop changing the summary (last time I promise)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wasting All These Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone would like me to go more in-depth/detail about my particular A/B/O verse I will post an explanatory prologue. The only thing I need you to know is that there is no discrimination against omegas-- omegas (everyone) get same opportunity/pay/rights/etc as everyone else. Hooray for equality!
> 
> This is my first fic in this fandom-- but i've been a reader since... god. Since 2010ish. NOT my first fic. IDK if Helen Cho is out of character or not. We saw her for, what, 10 minutes? YAY FOR -- what's it called when you can do stuff in fiction that may not necessarily be true IRL? I can't think of the phrase. help me.

 

By the time Steve receives another call from the tiny flip phone he knows belongs to Tony, it’s not Tony’s voice he hears. Again.

“Tony?” But, he always asks anyways. To make sure.

“ _You asshole, Steve, I oughta–_ ”

“Colonel Rhodes?”

“ _Yes, that’s me. The best friend to Tony Stark, who you beat and bloodied to a pulp both mentally and physically in Siberia! Yeah, that’s me!_ ” There’s cursing and mumbling on the other line.

“Colonel Rhodes… Why are you calling me?” And not Tony, Steve thinks, “Has something happened?”

“ _Damn right it has. You… This is all your fault! If you had just LISTENED-! Tony told you, didn’t he? About the revisions the Avengers were going to make TOGETHER?_ ”

“I- well, yes.”

“ _AND?_ ”

“… He put Wanda on house arrest.”

“ _Wow, you are DENSE, aren’t you? Tony did that to PROTECT her. D'ya know what they wanted to do to her? What they would have done if Tony hadn’t gotten in the way AND offered to sign the Accords?_ ”

This… This surprises Steve.

“ _Lemme give you some idea, CAPTAIN: you saw how they locked her up in the Raft, yeah?_ ”

Steve grits his teeth. “I saw.”

“ _Imagine that, and then throw in some inhumane torturing those bastards like to call ‘experimentation’ to the mix._ ”

“But– Why would Tony–?”

“ _God, I knew you thought he was incapable and a loose cannon before, but really, Captain? That’s blind ignorance. You should know first hand how self-sacrificial that goddamned moron is._ ”

Oh. And Steve suddenly understands everything that Tony had been trying to tell him and even realizes the implications behind Tony showing up to Siberia to help him and Bucky out. Steve is ashamed of himself. Again.

“I– I didn’t consider that. I’m sorry.”

“ _Damn right you didn’t._ ” Steve hears him hiccup and burp.

“Are you drunk?” The blond asks.

“ _Hah! Drunk! I passed 'drunk’ a looooooong time ago, Captain._ ” The laugh sounds bitter and angry and heartbroken.

Unease curls in Steve’s gut. He’s got a bad feeling. “Why are you drunk-calling me, Rhodes?”

“ _… T-Tony… That idiot… That damn fool… You selfish bastards have no idea what you’ve done. What you’ve CAUSED._ ”

“Rhodes.” Rogers is extremely worried now. “What’s happened?”

“ _… He… He… He refused to build them weapons, he refused to throw you guys under the bus, and he refused to hand over his suits. They t-took him, Rogers. They’re labeling him a traitor and giving him the sentences they couldn’t give all of you._ ”

Steve straightens and sucks in a breath.

“You do know what the penalty for treason is, don’t you?”

“They’re sending him to G-”

“ _No. Worse. They had a separate prison built for 'supers’, specifically to hold the nastiest kind of powered criminals. Do you know how many people he’s put in there? They’ll kill him, Rogers. I doubt he’d last a month,_ ” Rhodes’ voice is shaking, “ _and not even I can get him out of this one._ ”

“But he’s a–”

“ _‘A’ what, Rogers? A hero? An Avenger?” Rhodey scoffs, “The public thinks Tony is selfish and volatile. They all blame him for Sokovia, Rogers, nobody thinks Tony is a hero anymore. Not even himself. And you guys made it perfectly clear what you think about him as an Avenger._ ”

Steve is stunned into silence. “What about Widow?”

“ _... he protected her too. Even though she threatened him to ‘watch his back’, granted, Tony was coming off as an asshole, but she should– she does– know how he is, and what he was actually saying. Goddammit. That damn fool._ ”

“What? I don’t understand…”

“ _She left. As I’m retired… Vision is the only one with Tony. And Tony– Tony is always reminded of JARVIS around him… Tony probably feels really alone. He… he wasn’t ever going to call you, you know,_ ” Rhodey admits quietly.

“Why not?”

“-- _idiot, Rogers. He… he idolized you as a child, up until his father ruined that for him too. Then, he finally meets you, and it’s like it’s his father telling him he’s not good enough all over again. You told him something like that once, didn’t you? That he’s nothing without his suit._ ”

And, well, Steve really has nothing to say to that because he had at one point thought poorly of Tony Stark. He also never properly apologized for that either.

“ _He’s on Deathrow, Rogers, you damn well better make sure he doesn’t stay there. Especially not in The Big House. He’s… he’s given so much for so many without even a thank you to show for it. Get him out of there, Captain, please, and for the love of God, if you don’t spend the next lifetime apologizing to him,_ I will end you _. Do you understand me?_ ”

“Roger that, Colonel Rhodes.”

He hangs up and grits his teeth. They have an Avenger to save.

***

_2 Weeks Ago…_

***

 

Tony is tired all of the time. It shouldn’t surprise him, really, that he feels like such shit. He’d spent a good hour freezing in that wasteland before FRIDAY had shown up with the chopper. He knew T’Challa had followed him, of course, he wasn’t an idiot and he had the best scanners in the world. What surprised him was that T’Challa had made nice with Barnes and helped the two supersoldiers escape while leaving Tony high and dry. Just _fucking_ perfect.

He’s still feverish with pneumonia and bronchitis when the shipment comes. He’s got bags under his eyes and the bruises still aren’t healing properly. Well, Doctor Cole thinks it’s because his immune system is preoccupied with two illnesses and doesn’t have time to worry about a couple of scrapes. That’s great. Until those start to get infected too. He thinks he hears someone mention the possibility of blood poisoning occuring, but he’s high on morphine and antibiotics, so he can’t be sure. He doesn’t tell Rhodey.

The FedEx guy knocks on the window. “Delivery for–– Tony St- _Stank_? Tony Stank here?”

Rhodey, the ass, thinks this is hilarious. Tony might’ve thought it was funny too, once. You know, when he wasn’t doped up on painkillers and feeling like he was slowly dying. It’s two weeks later and the _goddamn flip-phone_ is in his desk drawer where it’s going to stay until he can work up the strength to smash it with his Iron Man suit. He’s too exhausted to do that, though. He’s too exhausted to do much of anything anymore. He knows he should be in the hospital, but… he just… he can’t.

Rhodey still doesn’t know or notice. Before all this, he might have been a little upset about that, but Rhodey’s dealing with the paralysis. Tony’s problems probably don’t even register. It’s okay, Tony tells himself, it’s okay. He’s fine.

Really. He’s fine with it. He’s fine.

He’s on bed rest and the few doctors he (kinda sorta) trusts have turned his bedroom into a mini hospital. He hasn’t been to the compound in a week. He wonders if Rhodey’s noticed. He wonders if Cap still has people watching him. Probably. He’s hooked up to more things than he can possibly count. He’s got the chills and the doctors keep saying something about heart palpitations. The coughing is miserable and drains him of any energy he’s got everytime he does it. He feels like a train ran over him. God, he hates his body sometimes.

“Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark?” Helen Cho is standing over him with a clipboard and a frown.

“Hey, Cho, what’s up?” He opens his eyes a crack and greets her. He hasn’t seen her since the disaster with Ultron, where she’d been severely injured, but she’d made it through. He’s glad.

“I’d ask you to explain why you have pneumonia, bronchitis, sepsis, _and_ the beginnings of pneumothorax, but I think I can guess why.” She frowns and looks at him sadly.

He sighs. “Why?” He gasps out.

“Well… Steve and Barnes were ganging up on you. I imagine a broken rib was the cause of the collapsed lung. Pneumonia probably developed due to the lung and the cold. Then, because I know you, you probably didn’t have the pneumonia treated in time if at all. Therefore, bronchitis develops on top of that. The sepsis, however, is the most concerning condition. I’m guessing those scratches got infected despite them not being very deep.”

“Right on all counts,” Tony whispers.

“Oh, Mr. Stark. Have you– have you spoken to Mr. Rogers at all?”

“Steve? Wh–” He starts another round of full-body hacks and it’s probably a full minute before he can breathe even slightly again. His energy drained, he just looks at Cho weakly.

“I understand. You’re lucky I was in town for a convention, Mr. Stark, otherwise you would have had to be hospitalized for sure.”

Tony just groans. “No. You fix me,” he whines.

Cho rolls her eyes and sighs. “I’m not a physician, Stark…”

“You sound like Brucie-bear.”

Cho just gives him that sad, sad look again. He knows Bruce won’t be coming. He knows where he is, of course, how could he not? But, he knows it’ll be a while before Banner comes back to the team. He misses his science buddy.

He’d think of how much he misses them all, but down that path lies darkness and sadness and nightmares. He’d rather not think of the metaphorical limb they tore off. He especially doesn’t want to think about Steve.

“Have you told Rhodes of your condition?” She says it more like a statement than a question; he suspects she knows his answer.

“... ‘s got ‘lot… on ‘is mind… don’ nee’ t’ worry… ‘bout lil ol’ me…”

“Tony,” she scolds.

He sighs. “I… I… con– concede. To wha’ eve’... jus’... jus’ make me better…” Tony passes out after that. He trusts Cho.

Helen Cho is usually a very calm woman. She’s good under pressure and she’s got values and _standards_ . This, though, _this_ pisses her off. She’d seen the goddamn news. She’d seen Steve and Barnes mauling Stark, and that was enough to really get her blood boiling because _goddammit_ Steve and Tony were supposed to be _friends_ , and friends don’t try to kill one to save another. That’s not how it works. Cho is extremely upset with the captain for this. She immediately dials Rhodes’s number when Tony passes out.

“ _This is Rhodes._ ”

“Rhodes, it’s Cho.”

“ _Helen Cho? From the party?_ ”

“Yes. I’ve got…” She sighs and looks down at her patient, “I’m with Tony.”

“ _Huh?_ ”

“Rhodes… it’s bad. You– you should come see him. He can’t– he needs his POA.”

“ _WHAT?_ ”

“From the fight. He got sick, and it got bad. You should be here.”

_“Where?_ ” The Colonel’s voice is strained.

“The Tower.”

“ _That idiot…_ ” Rhodey growls. “ _How long?_ ”

“Couple of weeks from the looks of it.”

“ _Shit. He never said anything._ ”

“His condition is critical,” she says softly, “I recommend you hurry.” Cho hangs up the phone and gets to work doing what she can. She gives him the highest, strongest dose of antibiotics she’s got and gives him more morphine and a sedative, so he doesn’t wake up. She’s got a chest tube hooked to him about an hour later. She’s about to set to work on the sepsis with vasopressers and insulin, since they’ve already gotten him on an IV, oxygen, and antibiotics. She’s hoping the vasopressers will stabilize his low blood pressure, but unless the sepsis doesn’t lessen in its intensity in the next hour, she’s going to have to do surgery. For now, she’s done all she can. Later, she’ll have Tony use an inhaler to help with his airways.

She finally leaves the room. Rhodes is in the hallway; he’s pacing. He finally sees her and asks her how Tony’s doing.

“He’s unconscious. Stable, somewhat, but he’s lucky the sepsis was caught quickly. Honestly, I don’t know how he went on functioning normally like that.”

Rhodey grinds his teeth and folds his arms angrily. “That asshole… I’ll tear him a new one.”

“Rhodes, perhaps, if you called Captain Rogers and he saw Tony’s state they’d be more amenable to signing the Accords.”

“I doubt it. That self-righteous, pretentious prick probably still sees it as infringing on his freedom and as the government controlling supers.”

Cho gives him a look.

“I know. He’s not wrong, but neither is Tony.” Rhodes lets out a deep, exhausted sigh and pulls a phone out of his pocket. Cho hasn’t seen a flip phone in years.

She looks at him strangely, “What is this?”

“Call the number. I can’t. I’ll just yell. But _dammit_ if this gets the idiots to listen, then go ahead.”

Cho stares at the only number listed. She dials. She hears Rogers’ voice come through. “ _Tony? Is that you?_ ”

“No. This is Helen Cho.”

“ _Cho? Why do you have Tony’s phone?_ ”

“I am not at liberty to discuss Stark’s personal choices with you. I have called because Tony is–”

“ _Ms. Cho, I’ve got eyes on the Tower and I know for a fact Tony hasn’t had visitors in days. So, how did you get the phone?_ ”

“... are you not aware of Mr. Stark’s paranoia? There are ways to get in the Tower.” Cho inspects her nails and waits.

“Shit _. How bad is it?_ ”

“Tony’s on bed rest,” She says softly, “but there’s trouble...”

“ _Yes?_ ”

“He’s very weak right now, no thanks to you–”

“ _–I know,_ ” Steve murmurs with a haunted tone.

“Oh. Well, good. Anyways, he’s collapsed and Ross is pounding on his doors as we speak. This poses a problem, obviously, as Mr. Stark is not even fit enough to move, _let alone_ be forced to deal with copious amounts of stress provided by the Secretary of State.”

“ _What are you suggesting I do about it, Doctor?_ ” Steve asks warily.

“You could just sign the Accords, that’d be the easiest and most efficient solution. Or, you could offer to set up negotiations with the various governments backing the Accords. That’d be longer and more arduous, but I think it’s the most likely solution you might be willing to take.”

“ _I can’t sign,_ ” Steve sighs.

Cho is usually a very collected, even-keeled person. But, she can be manipulative too. “You would have if it’d been Barnes asking.”

Steve is quiet for some time. “ _Maybe_ ,” he admits finally.

“I know,” Cho responds, “that you think that you can’t sign… But you almost did, didn’t you? This whole disaster could have been avoided if you’d just–” Cho sighs heavily. “Look, it’s just… Tony… Tony didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter. He _had_ to sign. He’s just trying to make the best of a crappy situation, I wish you’d understand that, Rogers.”

“ _No one can force you to sign a legal document if you don’t want to_.”

“That’s true, but Tony has thousands of employees under his wing and not to mention the hundreds of contracts, charities, foundations, and scholarships he’s built up in several countries. _Most_ of which have refused to continue doing business with Stark Industries on the basis that the Avengers are unwilling to compromise and no longer have the citizens’ best interests or protection at heart.”

“ _WHAT_? But Tony– Tony Stark signed! They can’t use his forme–”

“Former team? Against him? They have. They are. I bet you didn’t know that the stocks for Stark Industries are plummeting, the company is being forced to do budget cuts, accept low-profit deals, lay off staff, and– Pepper Potts, the CEO, is being hounded by the board to fire and cut all ties with the current head of the R&D department of SI. I bet you can guess who the head of that department is, Steve.” Cho doesn’t mince her words. Tony’s team has been blinded for too long to everything that he does for them. Helen will not stand for it any longer. She won’t.

Steve goes silent again. “ _I didn’t know._ ”

“No, you didn’t. None of you did because Tony Stark didn’t want you to, and none of you sure as hell asked him. I bet you didn’t even know the financial toll SI and Stark’s own personal fortune has been subjected to just for taking responsibility for all the damages done to city property, as well as supplying the Avengers with all the weapons and gear they need.”

Steve gulps. “ _No, ma’am. I did not._ ”

“I didn’t think so. God, how were you all so blind and ignorant? How does everyone see this as _Tony’s_ fault? I didn’t understand it then, and I definitely don’t now.”

“ _What can I do?_ ”

“Nothing much at this point. There’s going to be severe repercussions for Tony that he _does not deserve_ , Captain, all because you refused to play ball and listen to a word he said.”

“ _Is there any PR I can do… statements I can make? Anything to make this better?_ ”

“Nothing you’re willing to do. Honestly, you couldn’t just sign a damn piece of paper to make everyone stay together? You all should be ashamed of yourselves. He’s done so much for you, given you _everything_ he has to offer, and the people he should trust the most– the people he should be able to count on to have his back through thick and thin; his fucking _family_ – turned around and stabbed him in the back when he was at his most vulnerable. _How dare you_ ? You should be _ashamed_.”  

“ _I am. I– I’m going to make things right. Starting now._ ” Rogers does sound contrite, Cho will admit, but it’s not enough. Rogers is more at fault for the way things turned out than Tony ever will be. All this could have been avoided if Rogers had stopped for a moment to listen.

“You better. Goodbye, Captain,” she says tartly, “I have a very ill patient to attend to.”

***

1 Week Ago

***

 

His head hurts. It’s nothing new, not really, technically he’s had the migraine since Ross had shown up and crashed their Avenging party. It’s been coming and going, and he’s been popping enough Advil that his liver probably hates his guts again. Pun somewhat intended. It’s exhausting, though. He tries not to think too hard about it.

The sheets are warm and soft around him, but there’s a beeping noise that is frankly driving him up the wall––would somebody turn the damn thing _off_ already––and he remembers… Cho. Oh. He blinks awake, sees the IV drip, cringes, and looks for a friendly face. He hates hospitals.

Cho is sitting in a chair, awkwardly and crookedly, asleep. “Hey, sweetums, could I get something for the pain, please?” Tony asks rather loudly and winces.

“Tony?” Cho bolts up and checks his vitals. “Thank _God_ , you’ve been out for a week. You owe me _big_ for this, Stark.”

“Coupla nice pair o’ shoes work for you?”

Helen sighs, “Depends.”

“Louboutin?”

Her eyes widen and she grins. “Deal. While you’re at it, I’d like a Dooney and Bourke purse.”

Tony laughs, “Sure, Doc, no prob’.”

Her smile is shaky, though, and Tony knows it’s bad. “Alright, lay it on me.”

“... I know,” she says quietly.

That can’t be right. “What do you know?” He asks, confused.

“... Your… designation.”

“My–” Oh, _shit_. “What?” He turns to look at her sharply and she’s not joking. She just looks sad and resigned.

“In your sleep,” she wrings her hands together, “I did an ultrasound to check on your internal wounds. It seems, Mr. Stark, that you are carrying.”

“I’m _what_ ?” His voice his high and shrill because that’s not possible– he’s been infertile since his _twenties_ –

“The fetus is fine. It’s a strong one.” She doesn’t say anything else, but the look she’s giving Tony means she _highly_ suspects and that is not okay because Tony hadn’t _told_ anyone. How could she know?

“I know,” she whispers, “that it is not Ms. Potts’s because she is not male, nor is she an alpha. As far as I can see, there is only one alpha male on the Avengers team that you were in consistent contact with. You and I both know who that was.”

“... you women and your intuition,” Tony murmurs. He closes his eyes and thumps his head onto the pillow.

Helen still looks sad. “He gave you a concussion, you know.”

“I know.” It’s how the bastard managed to overwhelm him and how he– he doesn’t want to think about the shield.

“I don’t know everything that happened in Siberia, but I know that he hurt you,” she places her small, gentle hand on his chest and her eyes are filled with meaning, “and you can talk to me.”

Tony’s smile is broken and forced. He thinks of Bruce. “You’re definitely not that kind of doctor.”

“No,” she says and she’s gripping his hand now, “but I am a friend.”

He doesn’t have many of those these days. “You shouldn’t be,” he whispers so quietly Cho almost doesn’t hear it.

“Yes, I should.” Her voice is adamant and steady and Tony thinks she means it. He really needs to stop trusting people.

“You’ll regret it,” he meets her eyes and silently pleads for her to tell him otherwise. For it not to be true for once. “Everyone always does.”

“Never,” she grins.

Tony smiles back tentatively. He purses his lips and explains.

He starts off with the beginning. His parents: his mother’s soft voice as she plays the piano, a shared secret in the language from his mother’s homeland, and gentle hands petting his hair or rubbing his back when he was ill; his father’s harsh tones, disappointment, and alcoholism that made his childhood difficult. It wasn’t until that fateful Christmas break that he realized his dad had been trying recently. He’d been too focused on the way the words grated and the past to actually listen then, but since his demonstration at MIT, he’s come to terms with his grief and his regrets. Or so he’d thought.

He tells her about seeing that old tape playing in the room in Siberia. He tells her about the road and about… how he’d thought it’d been an accident. Sort of. He’s always believed it was a little strange, and seeing Barnes beat his father to death and then strangulate his mother had confirmed those suspicions. He also knew that it meant Hydra had been behind it, and that Barnes had taken something from the car. Nobody should have known what was in the car, which means that someone tipped Hydra off when and where Howard would be with whatever he was going to give to the Pentagon.

It isn’t until he’s telling Cho all this that he realized there’d only been one person who could have known. He almost wishes he could kill Stane all over again. Oh, right, the glasses. Another time.

He then tells her about college and MIT and how he’d met Rhodey. He tells her about the bullying and the constant kidnappings, and finally… He'd thought that he'd been infertile since he'd been in his twenties, but apparently he'd been wrong about that. And he hadn't had a heat since... well. Since Yinsen, and  the doctor had told him it wasn't unusual for traumatizing events and extreme life-threatening situations to mess with an omega's hormones to such a degree that heats became... obsolete and/or unnecessary for survival.

Clearly, his body had thought that it had much bigger things to worry about than reproduction. So, he'd been heat-less for about eight years. His twenty-first birthday had quickly flushed any ideas of family down the drain. He'd been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning—go figure—and the doctors had done some blood work, for some reason. When he'd woken from his two-day coma and having his stomach pumped, well, the doctors had been _oh-so-kind_ as to inform him that, "We're sorry, Mr. Stark, but you can't have children. You're infertile."

Great. Or so he'd thought. Obviously, the blithering idiots had been _wrong_ , considering his current predicament. God, what a mess. What a fucking mess.

“The Avengers,” she interrupts briefly, “don’t know. Do they?”

“No. Everyone assumes I’m a beta.”

“Because you don’t have a scent.”

“And no heats, voluntary or not.”

She sighs. “Alright. Go on.”

He tells her about how blind he’d been up until his late-thirties/early-forties. How he’d been too ignorant, too arrogant, and too naïve to see Stane’s true colors. Until it’d been too late and he’d been blown up by his own goddamn missile. How he’d been half-dead for a week while he tried to create the arc reactor. How… how he’d been tortured and tortured and tortured until he’d said he’d build the jericho. He built the armor instead. He chokes up when he tries to talk more about Yinsen.

“He didn’t tell me he wanted to die,” Tony says, “and he did. For me. ‘ _Don’t waste your life_ ’ was the last thing he told me. Yinsen… He only… the Ten Rings drugged me once. Tried to get me to suffer, I guess, or comply. Probably both, but it was an experimental heat-inducer. Yinsen helped me through it. When it was over… I felt different. It wasn’t until they tried to drug me again that I realized why.”

“The hormones,” Helen nodded, “they switched off. The inducers didn’t work.”

“Nope. So, they went back to their first favorite. I escaped… later. I don’t know.”

He tells her about the homecoming, his own bed, the nightmares, the PTSD, burgers, and Stane– he shudders and grips his chest. “He tore it out,” he whispers and his eyes glaze over for a moment, “I was helpless.”

Cho hugs him. He’s almost asleep when he starts talking again. He babbles about Ivan Vanko, dying, the palladium, his father’s voice, the new element, the Mandarin, AIM, Hammer, the Iron Legion, Pepper getting dosed with Extremis (he’d fixed it, of course, and cured it, but that’s besides the point), and the surgery to remove the shrapnel and the reactor (Helen knows that part; she was there).  He talks about the Avengers, how Steve and him had met (disastrously), how he’d flown a nuke into a hole to save everyone, about the nightmares and PTSD that came from that.

She’s considering giving the man a sedative, so he’d just go to sleep already, but she doesn’t want to deprive him of someone finally, _finally_ willing to listen to him spill his heart out.

“I… I don’t regret Ultron,” he says dozily, “I regret what he _became_ and what he did, but what I wanted him to be… what he was supposed to be? I don’t regret that. I won’t try it again, because I don’t trust myself to not screw it up, but I made Vision, right? That’s gotta count for something. Mostly… Mostly I regret not being able to save the people below. I thought… I thought they’d all been evacuated. I was wrong. If I could do it all over again… I’d do things differently. Try to save more people, stay after and help, and… oh… right… I haven’t… I forgot to tell Wanda…” Tony’s barely staying awake, though, so Helen starts to hum. She hopes he doesn’t dream.

Tony grabs her arm and mumbles, “...’bout…’tro...tell her… Pietro…” He drifts off and Helen wonders what on Earth he’s talking about. She’ll ask him later.

She doesn’t get to ask him later.

 

 

 

 

_**TBC**_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly I wrote this because I needed to blow off all my anger and feels and idk I needed a way to work it out, no idea where this idea came from actually, but I figure I'll share it because maybe it'll help someone else out with their feels/
> 
> Hope you guys like it!


	2. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I go into brief detail about some A/B/O matters. Also Everett Ross is kind of an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another for your viewing pleasure.

 

***

Today

-ish

***

_Pepper calls him on the phone a few hours before he presents the September Grant to the MIT students. She tells him what they’ve both known all along, and Tony is resigned with it. He’s upset, but he’d been grieving for quite some time by then. He doesn’t regret their go at a relationship because Pepper is amazing and she deserves someone safe and steady––someone who won’t give her a heart attack every time they step out the door. Tony’s okay with that. He knows he’s too much. He never deserved her anyways. She was far too good for him. He hopes she and Happy will be, well, happy. He wants nothing but the best for her, but right now… right now he just wants to let the pain wash over him. He tells her “That’ll be all, Ms. Potts,” like he always does because that’s how it has to be now. He wants to be friends–– wants to at least keep some small part of her heart for himself because he doesn’t have many friends or much support left and it feels like he’s fallingfallingfalling to the very bottom of whatever deepest darkest pit there is in his soul (there’s many). Sometimes he thinks that, one day, he won’t be able to climb back out. That he’ll have no one in his corner or watching his back._

_He wakes._

 

* * *

 

 

Tony sometimes thought that everything would be better if he'd just never told anyone he was Iron Man.

He's thinking such things right now, as a matter of fact. He's alone–God, he's _alone—_ in the dark and he's moving the flip phone around in his hand.

The drink in his other burns down his throat. He can't remember what glass he's on. He knows he hasn't finished the bottle yet, maybe he's trying to. He doesn't know. He just knows that he can feel the not-alcohol when before he could feel nothing. That dream had been awful...

He closes his eyes. When had things changed? That Steve... That Steve would be able to shuck everything they'd been together aside... he doesn't understand. Sure, they hadn't been the best of pals, but they'd known each other for a few years and, about a year ago, during the whole Ultron fiasco—and, man, hadn't _that_ been a royal fuck up if Tony's ever had one—he and Steve had started fucking. Hate sex, at first, and then more of a casual, consistent... fling. Thing. He and Pepper had been on "off", for the moment, though they both knew it'd probably be more permanent that time around. They were right.

He could certainly see, back then, that she and Happy were getting... close. He'd have been jealous and bitter and a little bit betrayed by that if he hadn't been so busy keeping up with Captain America's insatiable libido. Say what you want about the Capsicle, but 95 years old he was not. It'd been going good, and Tony had been careful. Though, it would seem, not careful enough.

Dammit. How? He'd been so, so, so damn careful not to let the Cap in on his little secret.

The only ones who knew were Pepper, Yinsen, Rhodey, and Happy. Maybe Bruce and/or the Hulk too, but Tony wasn't sure about that. Rogers wouldn't have known that Tony was an omega because A) he didn't have heats, B) he didn't smell like an omega—thanks, Afghanistan—, and C) nobody knew his body had designated as omega after puberty. It was a very, very well-kept secret. Tony, on the other hand, was very much aware of Rogers's orientation as an alpha. Hell, he'd helped the man through at least two ruts.

God dammit. Shit. How?

Ok, so he knew how. Obviously. Sex twice a day with four or five rounds each time for three months straight probably hadn't been the best move if Tony had been trying to _avoid_ this. "This" being a much unexpected pregnancy.

Tony scrubbed his face. God dammit. The not-scotch because, despite it being scotch it wasn't actually alcoholic (Tony was not an idiot and he knew what alcohol did to fetuses), tempted him from the bottle across the room.

He didn't want to get up. He was not comfortable, but far too lazy to move from his secluded safe-spot by the window to get up and retrieve the bottle.

Fuck, he was so pathetic. He couldn't even get up from his self-induced pity-party to get a single goddamn drink.

Pepper would... No, he didn't want to think about her. She'd made it perfectly clear that this "break" that's been going on since before Ultron is not really a break at all. He didn't blame her. _He blamed himself._  It was no one's fault. _It was his_. He wouldn't say that, though, because Pepper—Ms. Potts—would disagree and ask him if he's okay, and he couldn't _do_ that right now. Not with her.

Pepp—Ms. Potts, is a base-line female human. Beta, is what people called it these days, but Tony never cared what the public thought. An omega/beta relationship was fairly common, if only because betas are 60% of the population (alphas are 30%, and omegas are 10%).

Betas, Tony decided, were lucky because they didn't have to suffer through heats or ruts to get each other knocked up. Though,  male omegas only had unwanted heats during puberty (female omegas got heats and periods for about five years—their puberty— before both stopped all together and became optional). Alphas got ruts about once a month, which meant an increased libido and aggressiveness.

The brunet sighed and scrubbed his face again. He wasn’t looking forward to when the little peanut decided to start kicking up a fuss in there. He groaned, oh yeah, that was just going to be fantastic. Omegan male pregnancies were always the most difficult and the most dangerous. There were just so many problems that could arise… they could bleed out during birth, the baby could accidentally kick many wrong spots and even cause some internal damage/bleeding. Tony had read far too many horror stories about alpha babies being born from a male omega and how the baby had accidentally broken a portion of  the omega’s spine during labor. Not to mention how most pregnant male omegas had to go on bed-rest for three or four months. With Tony’s advanved age, he was certain he’d be one of the unlucky ones who had to be on bed-rest for at least five. Plus the vitamins, the pills, and the frequent doctor visits because the probability for miscarriage was so damn high in male omegas, not to mention in older male omegas.

Also… the pregnancy would be considerably more difficult without the alpha there. Sure, omegas didn’t _need_ them there, but when the alphas were… everything was balanced and no one had to worry about an alpha three thousand miles away suddenly getting the strangest aggressive-protective instincts, but who wouldn’t know _why_.

Tony… Tony didn’t want to tell Steve. Morning sickness was going to be a _bitch_ , but Tony could do all of it. The whole eleven months by himself. Other omegas did it all the time.

Fuck. He needed Bruce. _He needed Steve_. No. No, he didn’t. Steve had Sharon now, and god wasn’t that the strangest thing ever: his dead Aunt Peggy’s niece with his sort-of lover–– ugh. What a nightmare. Well, the good thing was that he wouldn’t start showing until about the fourth month, and he wouldn’t be completely obviously pregnant until about the sixth/seventh month of pregnancy. After that he’d be on bed-rest for the remaining four months, so he could just say he was taking leave and not let anyone bother him or see him until he got the C-section. Lovely.

He tracks down Bruce by dinner and sends him an encrypted and coded message. He makes sure no one can trace the signal back to him or be able to track the message to Bruce’s location.

 

* * *

 

He’s been puking his guts up for three days straight when FRIDAY alerts him to a visitor.

“Who’s it?” He garbles from where he’s hunched over the toilet.

“It is Doctor Cho, Boss.”

“Great. She alone?”

“No, Boss.”

“Wha’?” He throws up some more and asks his AI who the hell she’s with.

“Scans indicate that it’s Everett Ross, Boss.”

“Awesome. Deny access.”

“... They are asking to speak with you.”

“Ugh, FRIDAY, tell them I’m sick and in no mood for a lecture today. Tell Evie that he can come back here mm never.” Tony grins at that, “And copy the recording of his reaction. I wanna watch–” He hurls some more.

“Ross seems to be very angry, Boss, he claims he will come back with a warrant and a SWAT team if he isn’t let up.”

Tony snorts. “Yeah, like a SWAT team could get up here. I’d almost like to see him try.”

“Tell him to send his message/lecture up with Cho, but under no circumstances is he–” more guts, “–allowed into the elevator or the stairwell.”

“Sure, Boss.”

“Cho is on her way up, Boss, she is currently laughing very hard in the elevator.”

Tony would laugh too, but he’s busy. “Hurgh,” he says instead.

Which is how Cho finds him, some five minutes later, with his face plastered to the porcelain and his hair matted to his face. He’s miserable.

“Oh, Tony,” she says, “I’ve got your vitamins and supplements with me, as well as some alpha pheromones… I thought they might help.”

He makes grabby hands for the bottle, and Cho giggles. “Here,” she waves the bottle under his nose and finally Tony can _breathe_. He’s still nauseous, but no longer in danger of marrying the toilet. “Ugh, you’re a goddess.”

Cho grins. “I know. When you’re done bowing to the throne, meet me in the kitchen for breakfast. You’ve gotta eat for two now, you know. Not to mention we need to rehydrate you.”

“Ugh… food… can I just… not?”

“No,” she laughs, “trust me. It’ll be good.”

Tony shrugs and proceeds to brush his teeth about five times, complete with mouth wash.

“There you are,” Cho greets when Tony walks into the kitchen sometime later.

“Mm.” He sits on the stool and puts his face against the cool granite.

Cho pushes a bowl in front of him. “Porridge?” He asks.

“Yup. There’s your vitamins and stuff there. I expect you to down that entire glassful of water before you take them, though. And here’s a gatorade for later. You need the electrolytes and the sugar.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Tony grouches, but he still eats. His stomach twists a little bit, however he does manage to keep the meal down.

“Tony, look, about Ross…”

“Yeah? What’d Evie want?”

“Something about damage control, it doesn’t matter. I’m worried that he’s going to make good on his threats.”

“Please,” Tony rolls his eyes, “what could he possibly accuse me of that would grant him a warrant?”

“Tony…” Helen frowns.

“Oh? Are we finally lecturing Tony Stank? And you guys didn’t invite me?”

“Rhodey?” Tony jumps up and rushes for his best friend. Rhodes is in a wheel-chair, but Tony just plops on his lap and sticks his nose in the crook of Rhodey's neck. Tony sighs happily and inhales as much of the comforting scent as he can.

“Whoa… what’s all this about?” Rhodes looks extremely confused and a little disturbed by Tony’s clingy behavior.

“Ah… well…” Cho shrugs.

Then, Rhodes lifts his nose in the air as if he smells something. His eyes boggle. “Holy shit! Tony! Are you– are you _pregnant?!”_

“Mmmm…” Tony just snuggles into Rhodey’s chest and practically purrs.

“TONY!”

“What? Yes? Okay, yeah, alright, I’ve got a bun in my proverbial oven. Can we not talk about it for, like, the next year? Please?”

“Tony,” and that’s Rhodey’s exasperated voice.

“Please,” the engineer begs softly.

Rhodey sighs, but drops it. “Okay, but we’re gonna have to talk about you jumping me every time I enter the room from now on. The father isn’t in the picture, is he?”

“You smell so good, Rhodey-bear… and I’ve been married to the damn porcelain throne for the last three days, and I just… alphan scents comfort me.”

“That’s what your mate is supposed to do for you, Tones.”

“Yeah,” the brunet scoffs, “some mate.”

Rhodey freezes. “Tony,” he says warningly, “who is it?”

That makes the engineer pause and consider what he’d said. Shit. “Nobody.”

“Really, Tones? You’re telling me you got artificially inseminated?”

“Ah, well, uh, no. Maybe not.”

Rhodey lifted an eyebrow.

“Rhodey… I don’t… you’ll just get mad.”

“Mad? How could I be mad when I just found out that my best friend really can have that family he’s always wanted?”  

Tony tries to keep himself from crying. “Not… not at that. At… at the alpha,” he mumbles.

“Why?” Rhodey narrows his eyes. “Did he hurt you?”

Tony doesn’t answer, so Rhodes sucks in a breath and growls, “I’ll kill him. I swear to God, Tony, if he’s another Stone–”

“No! I mean: no, he’s not. We just,” Tony closes his eyes, “we disagreed, and he got angry. It was my fault; I didn’t explain my side well enough. We weren’t even… we weren’t dating, Rhodey, so it’s okay.”

“To hell with that,” and Rhodey is furious because this _is_ goddamn motherfucking Stone all over again, “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Rhodey…”

“Tony, I don’t want to hear it. Tell me his name and I’ll––”

“Rhodey! It’s fine! Okay? It’s… fine. I’m fine. Let it go.”

"Elsa style?" Rhodes sighs, but keeps his tone light.

Tony eyeballs him like he's crazy. "I hate you."

Rhodey grins. "Aw, buddy, you don't mean that. Wanna build a snowman?" 

Tony glares. "Platypus."

They both crack up laughing, and Tony finally feels something loosen in his chest. He's relieved. Cho is looking at them with a smile and gentle eyes, she looks relieved too. Tony was almost certain he'd forgotten how to laugh or smile since Ultron.

Tony gets off his friend's lap and looks sheepish. "Sorry." 

Rhodey shrugs. "Considering what you put me through in college, I think this is an improvement."

Tony is about to get snarky with that when he hears something very much like glass breaking. He looks up and towards the windows just in time to see a whole bunch of people dressed in all black and gear. They have guns. "What..?" 

"Stand down!" One shouts. 

Tony is panicking. If Rhodey could smell him than these guys will be able to eventually. He can't have that. He turns to look at Cho with wild eyes and shaking hands. "Cho," he starts, "blockers–"

She gets what he's saying instantly. Luckily, Cho has foresight and always comes prepared for any situation. She digs in her bag that she left on the counter. "Here," she tosses a vial at him and he catches it. He manages to down it in one gulp before one of the goons gets close and forces him to his knees. 

"I'd like to see a warrant," he bites out to the invaders, "considering you're breaking and entering without probable cause."

Rhodey jumps in, "What's this about?" 

A voice from behind them pipes up, "You were warned, Stark." 

"Ross? What the hell? Where's your warrant? FRIDAY, how'd he get in here?"

"I don't know, Boss, I'm scanning now." 

The man spreads his hands. "I don't need one." 

Rhodey and Tony glare at him. "Uh, yeah, you kind of do. I'm American; I have rights. My lawyers are going to have a field day with you," Stark threatens. 

"Lawyers? That's funny. Captain America said the same thing."

Tony is 1000% done with this man's shit. "You are trespassing, Ross. Leave." 

"See, Stark, that's the thing: you're under arrest." 

"For  _what_ _?_ _"_ It is not often that Tony Stark is surprised, but when he is he's flabbergasted. 

Ross smiles. "Breaking your contract, assault on federal agents, obstruction of justice, withholding information, being a public nuisance, damage to government property, etcetera, etcetera..." 

If Tony was flabbergasted before now he's downright dumbfounded. "Public nuisance? Assault? When--" 

Ross cocks his head. "The airport? Romania?" 

"Romania? I didn't--" Oh.  _Oh_. Tony sees what Ross is doing. "Those are false charges, Ross, and you know it." 

"Are they? Cuff 'im, soldiers." 

"You can't do this!" He shouts, "This is unlawful imprisonment!" 

Ross sighs, "Shut up, Stark." 

Rhodey and Cho watch them escort Tony out before they snap out of it and get on a separate elevator. 

By the time they make it to the ground floor, Ross is pushing Stark into a car and slamming the door shut behind him. "What do we do?" Cho whispers, "He's still in recovery... and he's pregnant..."

"I don't know. Is that the press? What the fuck are they doing here?"

Cho follows Rhodes's line of sight. "Shit."

Rhodey and Helen watch the cars pull away. They head back inside and ask FRIDAY to put on the news. It's bad. The footage shows Tony being led away and the cars driving off. The two of them are staring at the TV in shock when something even worse happens. The car in front blows up and sets off a chain-reaction for multiple wrecks. Helen and Rhodey both pale. "Dear God, no, not again." Rhodey sounds agonized.

Rhodey recognizes the insignia on the men's outfits pulling Tony from the car before he can calm down. It's Hydra. Goddammit.  

*******

It's a few hours later and they still haven't tracked down Tony. Rhodey is incredibly anxious, so he starts drinking. Then he gets angry. He finds the stupid flip-phone in the drawer where Cho had probably put it back. He glares at the damnable black plastic for a while before he caves. He needs their help desperately. He can't let Tony suffer, especially not with Hydra. 

The line rings and he chews Steve out for everything. He neglects to mention a few things, but he thinks the message gets across. He hopes. He's going to have a lot of explaining to do when they arrive. "Hurry, Rogers." He shuts his eyes and downs more alcohol.

 

 

 

 

 _ **TBC**_  

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so that one was a little shorter, but I'm on a roll, guys. 
> 
> Thanks for the reviews, kudos, and hits so far, guys!


	3. Piece by Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: thanks for all the views, kudos, and reviews I've received. I love it all. Here's a chappie. OH remember to subscribe, k? ;)
> 
> Second of all: CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION
> 
> Trigger warnings: implied torture, graphic depictions of violence (? sort of? it's implied), implied sexual activities (because I can and this fic is only M for a reason), potty mouths, (uh idk what else but msg me if there is something)
> 
> DRAMAAAA

_Wakanda, 2014_

 

*******

_Tony’d been out of New York when SHIELD collapsed in on itself. He’d been in California and Wakanda doing various SI business things. SI had always had a relationship with Wakanda, of course - since Howard - and then ties had… not dissolved, but definitely weakened some. So, Pepper had sent Tony to make nice with the locals. They hadn’t been hostile, per se, but Tony sure wouldn’t describe their hospitality as welcoming  either. He’d met King T’Chaka and Prince T’Challa in the meet and greet. They were both stiff and overly polite and the formality of everything they did made Tony cringe, but they’d gotten along. The party had just been getting over when an emergency newscast broadcasted over all of the televisions. The Helicarriers falling out of the sky immediately caught his attention. His phone was blowing up with security breaches and emails and alerts from both his moles and Pepper. He decides to call Pepper in the next five seconds._

_“Tony, have you seen the Internet? SHIELD’s secrets are all over it… Hydra infected them.”_

_“Shit. Employees? Death rate?”_

_“Employees are all fired… death rate, fortunately, is only a handful of Hydra spies currently. Dammit, Tony, you know I don’t like it when you get involved with things, but you should be here.”_

_“You sent me to camp, Mom.” He says snarkily._

_“Mmm. It’s bad... S.H.I.E.L.D. is collapsing and the Winter Soldier is-- Tony, it’s Sergeant Buchanan Barnes...”_

_“What, you mean Cap’s old friend who died in the war? That Barnes?”_

_“That’s the one.”_

_Tony heaves out a sigh. “It’s never dull in New York, I’ll give it that. Make sure all S.H.I.E.L.D. agents have some new jobs lined up for them. Do some evaluations and training, ‘kay, Pep? I don’t want anyone unemployed.”_

_“Tony…”_

_“Pepper. I insist.”_

_“Well, as long as you don’t offer to foot the bill for damages again, I think I can work something out.”_

_“Have I ever told you how amazingly awesome and fantastic and perfect you are?” Tony coos._

_There’s a smile in her voice, “Almost every day.”_

_“Only almost? Looks like I’ll have to up my game when I get back!”_

_She laughs, “Okay, Tony, you go back to scmoozing now. I’ll handle the employees.”_

_“Bye, Miss Potts. Thank you.” Tony hangs up and turns his attention back to the royals. “Well, you know us Americans: always gotta have some drama and entertainment to keep us occupied!”_

_T’Chaka and T’Challa only stare at him with eyebrows raised. Tony feels like he’s being judged a little bit. “Right… Well, if it’s all the same to Your Highnesses, I’ve had some rather pressing business come up back home, and I’ll need to head back soon.”_

_He’s on the plane when he sees the last of the helicarriers go down on the news. He sees Steve fall and his heart catches in his chest. He can’t breathe._

_No._

_NO– he feels something snap in his chest, something he hadn’t known was there–_

_Oh. Well, shit. He’s screwed._

*******

Present, 2016

*******

Tony wakes in more pain than usual, but he’d almost rather take that over the morning sickness– speaking of which, it seems like Peanut has spared him the usual bout today. Tony will count that as a win.

Until he remembers. Fuck.

He tries to focus on the room and his surroundings, but he’s dizzy and everything keeps fuzzing out at the corners. Okay, great, so a concussion then. Awesome. He catalogs his injuries: bruises everywhere, scrapes pretty much everywhere, possibly a dislocated shoulder, a twisted––he hopes––kneecap or leg, probably got a mass of fun bruises on his back, and a sprained wrist. Terrific. Could be worse, but all he cares about is that he can still sense Peanut. His baby is alive and nothing else matters. Well, he could stand to not be in this situation–that matters–but he’ll take what he can get for now.

“Alright,” he groans out, “this is the worst hospitality I have ever received. I wanna talk to a manager. This hotel sucks.”

A voice answers, “Well, that’s too bad. I’ll be sure to remember your complaints.”

Tony twists to look behind him. “You… you the manager, then? I gotta tell ya, man, that ride over here? Big fix; most uncomfortable car ever. I think it’s time for an upgrade.”

“Ah, yes, the famous Stark sarcasm. They warned me about this. Fortunately, I am tolerant.”

“Tolerant? Aw, you’ve got a sense of humor. Excellent. I’ve always wanted an audience to laugh at my killer jokes.” Tony grins.

The man, however, looks thoroughly unimpressed. “No audience,” he says, “just me.”

“Damn. Tough crowd, huh?”

The man raises an eyebrow. “I have some questions for you, Mr. Stark, and you will answer them.”

“Uh, could I get a name first? I mean––it’s just––I don’t usually put out on the first date without a name.” Stark makes a herculean attempt to not laugh at his own remark.

The man rolls his eyes and sighs. “You can call me Doctor, if you must. Now, first question: Extremis.”

“That wasn’t a question,” Tony quips.

“Mr. Stark, I am a very patient man, but even I can become… irritated.” Tony hears a little bit of an accent in his voice. From where he can’t quite tell. “What do you know about the virus, Stark?”

“Well. It blew up a whole bunch of people, it’s unstable, and it’s a poor mimic for Erskine’s formula.”

“Stark,” the man does sound a little angry now.

“What? It is! That dumbass Killian could’ve saved me some headaches if he hadn’t decided to fuck around with people’s genes on a molecular level. Honestly, who the hell thinks it’s a good idea to rewrite someone’s DNA?”

“Do I need to be more specific?” The dude asks.

“About?”

“I want the schematics, Stark. I want the formula and the equations; the blueprints, if you will. You know them, don’t you?”

“Uh, no. Some girl I met in the 90s has all that stuff. Or had. Come to think of it, did she die?”

“You tell me.”

“That’s very helpful, Doc McStuffins, but really a non-cryptic answer would work just fine.”

“What did you call me?” The man’s using a dangerous tone that suggests Tony may have made the man reach the end of his rope.

“Ah! You’re Russian!” Tony preens. Yeah, he figured out where he knew that accent from.

Luckily, he seems to have forgotten the brunet’s earlier transgression and now looks surprised that Tony’s figured out his nationality. “Yes?”

“I couldn’t figure it out before, you know, ‘cause you barely have an accent anymore––hah, English, am I right?”

Guy doesn’t say anything, though, so Tony shurgs and waits.

“Do you know who I work for, Stark?”

“Uh, well here’s a wild guess: Hydra? No, that’s too easy. You a merc?”

“Right the first time, Stark.”

“Damn. Ugh, God, that is so cliché! Don’t you villainous types have any original ideas? Seriously? Hydra? Lame.”

Tony can see a tick in the man’s jaw and his brow furrowing that indicates “Doc’s” anger. Really, Tony should have better self-preservation instincts by now.

“Yes, Hydra, but more specifically Stern. Do you know who that is?”

Tony goes real quiet real fast. Fucking government.

“Oh? Is the famous Stark rendered speechless?”

“Stuff it, McStuffins. You damn well know that I know who Stern is if you’ve watched the news at all in the last decade.”

Doc McStuffins merely nods and walks closer. Tony tries not to flinch. “Did you just call me the name of a little girl who speaks to stuffed animals she thinks she brought to life?” The guy’s face gives nothing away, but his posture does. Tony definitely went too far.

“No? I literally just made that up. Swear. Uh. What little girl? And is she in a mental institution?”

Pornstache glares with murderous intent. “You are not as convincing as you think you are.”

“Aw, really? And here I thought I’d be a top salesman.”

“Stark, answers, or you vill pay the price!”

“Hah! You let your accent slip! Hah! I knew it was Russian.”

“Yes. We have established this already. Do not make me angry, Mr. Stark, you will regret it.”

“Oh? What you gonna do, sugar plum? You gonna take out your fancy knives and make me bleed a little? You gonna stick my head under water? Maybe break a coupla fingers? Honestly, torture is all the same; lacks creativity. It’s such a re-run.” Tony makes to shake his head but thinks better of it on account of his mother-of-all migraines.

“No,” the man’s smile is horrifying and makes every nerve stick up on end, “I wonder how the famous Stark will react to a little… isolation, hmm?”

Tony blinks and swallows his fear and panic, “Well, I’d say that you’re full of original ideas.”

The man smirks. “Thank you,” and suddenly Tony is encased in something dark and cold and claustrophobic.

This is bad. Tony decides to not concentrate on the dark, enclosed space and what it reminds him of. So, he turns to other memories. Specifically the more recent ones. He sighs and closes his eyes.

He doesn’t want to think of the letter because it’ll just piss him off. He still can’t believe the hypocrisy of the damn thing. He can’t get past Clint’s betrayal, either. Natasha’s alliance was good while it lasted, but he knew that where she was wasn’t where she wanted to be, so he’d made the decision for her. He pushed her away by calling her a double agent, despite knowing she wasn’t. He knew why she did what she did. He did. Which is why he pushed her away. Her words hurt, though, and no amount of self-comfort or delusions will fix that. But. He’d been aiming to hurt, so naturally she’d aimed to hurt him back. That hurt too.

Okay. Good. Honesty, yeah, honesty is good.

He knows where Bruce is. He’s been in discrete contact with him, so he knows that Bruce could have come back at any time, but he didn’t. Tony knows why he didn’t do that too. Tony knows a lot of things actually. He knows that Bucky is innocent, he knows that Rogers was right about the Accords, he knows where the team is, he knows that Laura is pissed at Clint (she called Tony), and he knows that the Vision isn’t JARVIS. He knows all of that. He does, but it’s still not easy.

He hates this. He hates what the team–his family–has become, he hates knowing that he had no choice to do what he did, he hates knowing that his team has ( _had_ ) so little faith in him, he hates that he can still get kidnapped, and he hates that he knows that this time no one is coming to rescue him. And, most of all, he hates that it isn’t just his life at risk right now.

Tony catches a sob in his throat and tries to focus on breathing. He’s asleep some minutes later.

*******

_It all started with a phone call. Fury hadn’t contacted him since the farmhouse, so he knew it had to be bad. Plus the one-eyed wonder claimed he was “retired”, but Tony knew him better. Fury was a lot like Howard in that regard; he never could put work down for too long._

_“What’s up, Fury? Got more advice for little old me?”_

“No. Not advice. I’ve got bad news, Stark.”

_“Oh, so a warning then. That’s great. What is it this time?”_

“They’re calling it the SHRA.”

_“Huh? The what?” Nick sounds awful and resigned and not at all what Tony’s used to from him. It’s unnerving._

“The Superhuman Registration Act,” _Fury explains tiredly._

_“That sounds awful and unconstitutional. What is it?”_

“They want all the superheroes to register their full names and identities, fall under the command and direction of a committee designed to keep the heroes in check and liable, and to be in the control of the government.”

_“Shit. Okay, I’ll get my lawyers on top of it, tell the Avengers to lie low, and work on damage control with Congress. I’ll have to call in all my favors, Fury, so I hope you’ve gotta couple under your belt.”_

“It won’t be that simple, Tony.” _And Tony can practically see the defeat on the man’s face. He never calls Tony by name. Never. Not since Tony was little._

_“That’s awfully negative of you, Hook. I’ve never known you to give up without a fight. Why are you starting now?”_

“I’ve tried to talk to them, Stark, they wouldn’t listen to me. Why would they listen to you?”

_“First of all: ouch. Second: because I’m charming?”_

_Fury manages to snort and Tony smiles. “You can trust me, Fury, I’m not about to let those greedy bastards take control of the heroes’ lives. I promise.”_

_It takes months of back and forth. Of arguing and convincing and sic-ing his lawyers on anyone who steps to far out of line. Tony gets the Avengers to do PR; hospital visits, beach clean-ups, charity functions, and all kinds of interviews._

_It’s working. What they end up with is called the Sokovian Accords, in honor of the terrible tragedy that took place there last year, and Tony knows it’s the best he’s going to get._

_The heroes get to keep their anonymity, the Accords are easily amended, and the hereos who refuse to sign aren’t hunted down. Most importantly it was agreed that the committee would be made up equally of superhumans, mutants, and humans. Tony is sure he’s thought of everything. He knows he’s going to have to sign, but that’s a small sacrifice if the public will trust them again._

_He signs for Wanda, in the end. He knew he’d have to sign because of Stark Industries, Ultron, and because he’s the public face (read: scapegoat) of the Avengers. But those are all reasons why he has to. He wants to because of Wanda and Pietro and Charles Spencer. So he does._

_He doesn’t expect Cap to turn his back on the Accords. He definitely doesn’t expect the Winter Soldier to bomb the building in Vienna. And, of course, Cap gets involved. Sure, anyone in “retirement” will be arrested, but they’ll just be put in a room and scolded. Right?_

_Wrong._

_He was so wrong. He had forgotten something after all. First, he needs Ross off the bench. Ross is unstable, greedy, and power-hungry. He also hurt Bruce, and Tony can’t condone that. Tony has almost convinced Cap to sign, and then everything will be alright– then he can tell him everything–_

_He says the wrong thing. Foot meet mouth. He’s trying to explain himself_ again _when the alarm sounds. Barnes. Shit. If only there was more time– if only–_

*******

“STARK!”

Tony jolts awake and his eyes dart around his cage. Doc’s face has appeared in a peephole that popped out of nowhere. Tony blinks.

The doc sighs and the contraption falls apart around Tony and sinks below the floor.

“What?”

“You aren’t supposed to be asleep.”

“No? What’d you expect me to do?” Tony smirks, “Panic?”

“Yes!” The doc hisses and he sounds so frustrated it’s _glorious_. Tony really should know better than to antagonize his captors.

The doctor slaps Tony hard enough for him to see stars. “That necessary?” He grumbles.

Labcoat slaps him again to force his head to the other side. Yeah. He reallly should know better.

“You vill respect me! I hold you captive and I vill get the information I desire!”

“Respect you?” Tony raises a brow and scoffs. “Do you have a PhD?”

The man pauses and thinks. “No? What does that have to do vith anything?”

“Then I can’t respect you, buddy. Sorry, it’s like a ball: gotta have the invitation.”

The man’s face turns purple, and then it’s smoothing out into a perfectly blank mask. That scares the shit out of the brunet. He isn’t sure how it happens, but suddenly there’s a pool of lava below him and his chair is on a little island. It’s sweltering.

“We vill see how you like the heat, da? Maybe won’t sleep quite so well this time,” the man cackles and walks away.

Fuck. He’s dehydrated, he’s hungry, and he’s got to pee. Dammit.

By the time Fancy Pants comes back, Tony’s probably got heat stroke. He’s exhausted, too, and he’s already peed himself.

The lava goes away and the doc asks, “The schematics, Stark.”

“‘Nother statement,” he mutters.

The contraption closes over him again. His stomach rumbles before he passes out.

*******

_“Steve,” he gasps out, “Steve.”_

_“Hmm?” The blond cocks an eyebrow and looks entirely too smug._

_“Y-you’re killin’ me here, Capsicle! Stop teasing!” Tony’s face is red and his hands are in the blond’s hair, gently tugging on the strands._

_“Hmm… No.”_

_“Dirty–” Tony lets out a long, filthy moan, “–cheat, Rogers.”_

_“Thanks,” another smirk, “so? You gonna beg?”_

_Oh dear god. If that’s what the supersoldier’s been waiting for it’s no wonder he’s been trying to make Tony fall to pieces beneath his fingers and his tongue._

_“Cap,” Tony pants, “I can’t–”_

_“What?” And holy shit this is a wet dream come true because the last thing Tony had expected was for the blond to be such a_ pervert _._

_Tony gives in. “Please.” He can’t think with the Cap swirling his tongue around like that._

_“‘Please’ what?”_

_“_ Please _put your motherfucking cock in me right now before I spontaneously combust!” Tony shouts in frustration._

_Rogers chuckles and gladly abliges._

_Tony’s about to climax–_

*******

“I am going to break you, Stark. You vill see.”

This time it’s a frozen river beneath him. Pond? Whatever. He’s cold. He’s shivering and shaking and he’s probably going to get fucking pneumonia from this asshole. He’d been having a good dream too. It’s not fair.

After a while, he stops thinking and he stops shaking. That’s when Labcoat comes to get him, or rather puts him back in the metal cage.

His next dream is a nightmare. It’s the one Scarlet gave him. He’s awake before Fancy Pants gets there. The man looks smug. He asks more questions. About the Avengers, about Extremis, about the arc reactor, and about JARVIS. Tony never says anything. Well, he’s sarcastic, but that’s it.

The beatings get worse, but it’s the psychological warfare that the doc’s subjected him to that finally takes its toll and makes him go quiet. He’s having a strange out-of-body experience when he hears the doc chatting on the phone.

He hears something about vibranium, about S.H.I.E.L.D., about an invasion, and about Wakanda.

Tony doesn’t know how long he’s been in captivity; he lost track at three weeks. He files the information he’s learned for later use and pondering. He goes back to being numb.

*******

_They’re arguing after a long debrief, and Steve’s lecturing him again. He always is it seems like. Suddenly, Tony is being pushed against the wall with the good captain’s tongue down his throat. He can’t complain, so his nether regions quickly get the memo and pick up excitedly._

_“Eager are we, Stark?”_

_“Well, you get a super soldier rubbing up against you and tell me you’d be able to stay limp then we can talk.”_

_Steve smirks. “You talk too much.”_

_“Gonna fix that?” Tony quips back._

_Steve does. Steve also gets more brutal as things progress. Tony can feel the bruises already forming from where the blond manhandled him. It’s rough, animalistic, and Steve’s knot gives Tony the most intense orgasm he’s ever had in his life._

_Rogers looks apologetic. “Sorry. I lost control.”_

_Tony just laughs and says, “It was my_ pleasure _, mon capitan. You know where to find me if you,” Tony leans in real close to Steve’s ear and whispers hotly, “wanna lose control again.”_

_Tony can feel the shudders run through the super soldier and it’s empowering. The genius has never felt so confident in his own skin before now. He feels sexy. He feels like an omega. He kind of loves it._

_He kind of loves it when Steve loses control again too. Hate sex is awesome._

_It stays hate sex until Fury makes them do weird team-building exercises. Then, they get to know each other. Their relationship only gets more complicated from there._

_Not-Friends With Benefits progresses to Friends With Benefits progresses to Rut Partner. Tony is so screwed. Well, he is. Constantly. Every day, in fact, but he means in the epically not good way._

_Tony is_ attached _. He calls Pepper to vent and she just nods and smirks and tells him “I told you so.” She’s not very helpful._

_Tony is attached and refuses to admit it as anything else. He can’t let it be anything else because no one can know what he is, and if they did they wouldn’t want him anyways. No one wants a broken omega. He doesn’t know why Pepper stuck around so long._

_It was after the Mandarin happened. She tells him to fuck off, disappears to Fiji for a couple of weeks, comes back, packs her stuff up, and goes. They’re on a break. It’s fine, really. Until Steve fucks him until he can’t see straight. Pepper notices and tells him she’s been seeing Happy. Then he and Steve become a thing, Tony gets attached, and then Steve falls from the sky._

_He’s so tired of getting dealt a shitty hand. Can’t he just… isn’t he allowed to be happy? Isn’t he allowed to cry when Pepper tells him she can’t worry about him anymore right before he gives the speech for the September Foundation Grant? He’s not because he has a speech to make. He has to hold himself together. He barely manages._

_Somethings ringing obnoxiously in his ears. What_ is _that–_

*******

He blinks awake–aware (semantics)–to some alarm going off. He’s still on that damnable chair, but he’s not on the tiny island. He’s also tipped on to his side and something that feels an awful lot like hope curls in his chest. He tries to squash it down. He’s so weak and exhausted, though, he doesn’t think he’d manage to break the bonds anyways. His eyes slip back closed.

“Holy shit, that’s Tony Stark. What the hell is he doing here?” A gratingly young voice sounds somewhere.

“I do not know.” This voice is deeper and more comforting in a strange way. “He is injured,” the man remarks.

Tony wants to say, “No shit, Sherlock” but he doesn’t have the energy for that, so he lies there instead.

“We can’t leave him here,” the young one says.

“No,” the strange one says back, “we can’t.”

The strange one pokes at him and tells the other one to carry Tony on his back. “Be careful,” the man is murmuring, “he is gravely injured.”

“Well, yeah, obviously.” Tony could pat the kid on the back for that. Tony feels relief wash over him and he drifts off to sleep with more hope than he’s had in a long time.

  


  
  
  
  
_**TBC**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry
> 
> somewhat sorry for the crack-y feel, but not really. 
> 
> p.s. i laugh hysterically at my own jokes. you'll see.


	4. Goodbye's The Saddest Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you cried lately? No? Do you have enough angst and feels in your life? No? Well, ladies and gentlemen... allow me to rectify that problem with this overly emotional chapter that I had to cut in half because I got carried away. Here's 4,203ish words of feels and probably an OOC Steve.
> 
> Sorry for all the dialogue *winces*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to sincerely apologize right now because of feels. also: WARNING! IF YOU SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS AND FEELS WHILE FEELING LIKE YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT I AM NOT LIABLE OR RESPONSIBLE FOR THE AMOUNT OF TISSUES OR ICE CREAM YOU GO THROUGH
> 
> Let me say it again for those in the back: please don't hurt me.
> 
> DEEP BREATH-- get ready. 
> 
> P.S. i would like to inform you that Steve may seem OOC. this is because I am angry. and biased. sorry in advance. I'd say go and enjoy but you probably aren't.

The first time the incident happens, the team–what’s left of it–is training in the Wakandan forests. They’re chasing some kind of animal. Steve’s not sure what it is, exactly, but all of a sudden–out of _nowhere_ –he gets this unspeakable desire to just murder it. To tear it apart with his bare hands and _destroy it_. He shudders. Then, he looks.

“Oh.” He’s killed it alright. Not destroyed it, but definitely maimed.

Everyone’s staring at him like he’s gone a little funky. He thinks maybe he has.

“Okay, what the hell did that gortle do to you, Cap?” Clint asks with wide eyes, but an extremely amused tone.

“I’m not sure. I just… saw red?”

Clint folds his arms and nods sagely. “Huh. Okay… So… random fits of anger gonna be a thing now?”

“I hope not,” Steve frowns.

“‘Cause we all know you’re a hot-head.”

“Barton,” Steve sighs.

“What? I’m just sayin’.” The archer shrugs and then looks to Scott who’s been staring at the dead gortle.

Ant-Man looks up to Clint and then to Steve. “That was intense, man. You… well, you shoulda seen the look on your face.”

Steve rolls his shoulders and looks contrite. “Yeah, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You’re not going into rut, are you?” Scott asks absentmindedly.

The question makes Steve freeze because it made him think of Tony. Tony, who had helped him through his last rut not even a month ago. He isn’t due for a rut for another few weeks, and, for the first time in about a year, he’ll have to deal with it by himself.

Scott clams up instantly and then babbles, “Whoa, I’m sorry, man, I didn’t know that was a touchy subject and I’ll just shut up now–”

“It’s fine,” Steve interrupts. Scott’s babbling makes him think of Tony. A lot of things are making him think of Tony actually. Too many things.

“Right, Cap, because you totally didn’t reek of murder just then,” Sam butts in.

“What?” Steve gives the Falcon a confused look.

“Your scent’s been off for a few days. Thought you knew.” The man shrugs.

“Off?” Steve echoes. “Off how?”

“Like you’re about to go into rut,” Wanda murmurs from where she’s leaning against a tree, “but not quite. It’s… different. I don’t know how to explain in English.”

“But you’ve smelled it before?”

“Ja, in Sokovia. With… how do you say… защитный муж (zashchitnyy muzh)... uh… vhat do you call a man who is married?”

“A husband?” Clint looks puzzled.

“Yes, zat. Anyways, it happens with married couples. I zink. I do not know, maybe happens vith others?”

“Married couples?” Steve intones with awe. “What do you mean?”

“Well, when man would hit on wife… husband would get mad and smell like you.”

“Possessive?” Scott bursts. “Oh my god, she’s right. You _do_! Who’ve you been sleeping with that you’re all sexually frustrated over?” Scott laughs.

“...” Steve feels his face sour and go tense and angry.

“Never mind,” Scott laughs nervously.

“This person does not let you, ah, exercise?” Wanda tilts her head.

Clint snorts and tries to keep from laughing too hard. “That’s one way of puttin’ it, but c’mon, guys, lay off. Dude’s uncomfortable.”

“That’s ‘cause he ain’t gettin’ any,” Sam says dryly.

“ _Hey_ ,” Steve snaps.

Sam holds his hands up. “No need to get fiesty, I’m just tellin’ it like it is.”

Steve scrubs his face and lets his shoulders droop. “Let’s head back and see if T’Challa has any news.”

“About what,” Clint sneers, “our ex-teammates? Or, I know, how about the fact that we’re all wanted fugitives?”

“Clint,” Steve says tiredly.

The man curls his lip, but they all walk back to the palace.

They’re sitting in a good-sized conference room when T’Challa strolls into the room looking extremely haggard.

“Your Highness,” Steve greets amicably.

“Hello, Captain. And, to the rest of you.” They all nod and chorus hellos.

“So, any news?” Sam pipes up after the king sits down at the head of the table.

“Yes,” the man’s voice cracks and he looks awful now.

“What’s happened?” Steve goes from relaxed to alert instantaneously.

“I t’ink,” the man says slowly, “perhaps, it would be betta to show you.” He gestures to the TV at the back of the room, grabs the remote, and turns it on. “It is… unpleasant,” he manages.

The news channel is featuring Tony Stark because of course it is. The anchorwoman is talking about everything Tony has done to bring peace back to the people and all the philanthropy he’s shown to the families of victims as well as various charitable organization in the past year. Then she goes on to talk about the changes being made in the Accords and all the amendments that are being enacted.

“Mr. Stark, himself, has not been available to make a statement, but we have his word that he’ll–” The woman frowns and touches her headset, “What did you say?” Her face widens into a look of utter horror. “Stan,” she says to someone off-screen, “I need you to re-route to the Avengers Tower. _Now_ ,” she hisses. She looks directly at the camera and says, “I’ve just received notice that a government agency has broken into the Tower and is taking Tony Stark under arrest. We’ll have live footage on screen as soon as Stan arrives on scene. Stan,” she begins to ask.

“Yeah,” a man who must be Stan answers, “I’m getting it. Switching channels now.”

The scene is something out of a horror movie. There are agents all clad in black breaking into one of the floors of the Tower. They’ve busted the windows in and it’s too quiet. Some minutes later Everett Ross is seen hauling Tony out of the Tower rather violently. Tony doesn’t look good. The image is somewhat blurred from distance, but Steve can see that he’s clearly not been doing very well. Tony is pushed into a van with the words JCTC stenciled into the side.

The camera is following the cars when one of them blows up. Steve feels a shiver run down his spine and cold dread wind in his stomach. He feels his heart stop when he hears the shout from somewhere off-camera. It sounds wretched, heart-broken, and _agonized_ … The camera zooms in time for them to see Rhodes roll out in his wheelchair and then bury his face in his hands.

“ _NO!”_ The colonel shouts, distress clear in every line of his face.

The camera follows his line of sight to where Tony is being dragged out of the wrecked vehicle from the massive pile-up, resulting from the explosion, by none other than Hydra. He’s unconscious and bleeding. He’s pushed into a small car and then the car is driving away.

Steve feels a vice grip his heart and an unidentifiable rage washes over him.

“Cap,” Clint says softly, “you’re breaking the chair.”

Steve lets the arms of the chair go. Clint is looking at him knowingly. Steve just grits his teeth and ignores him.

“What the hell was that?” Sam asks.

“That,” T’Challa says miserably, “happened approximately four hours ago. The US government has not received any ransom demands. But, considering they were arresting him, I doubt they would pay it.”

“ _Why_ were they arresting him?” Scott wonders.

“That’s an excellent question, Lang, glad you asked.” A familiar voice sounds from the doorway. They all spin to look– and it’s Fury. He definitely looks furious too.

“Fury, sir,” Clint jumps up, “what are you doing here?”

Fury’s gaze meets the former agent’s and Clint shrinks back. “I cannot believe you idiots,” the man hisses.

“What?” Clint looks shocked now. Steve is too; he’s never heard Fury this angry before.

“What the hell did you think you were doing?” Fury’s clasped his hands behind his back and looks disappointed.

“We were–” Steve starts.

“Shut up, Rogers, I didn’t ask you. You and I will be having _words_ later, you understand?”

Steve nods.

“Now, Agent Barton, I asked you a question.”

“I… I was helping Cap, sir.”

“Really, and it didn’t occur to you to think about your kids or Laura before that? I received a phone call from her, Barton, _when I was on vacation_ . On my personal cellphone. She yelled at me, Barton. I hadn’t even known what the _fuck_ you assholes were doing up until four hours ago when I hear _everything_ . Does anyone want to explain to me the shitstorm that was the Leipzig Airport? Or, I don’t know, _motherfucking_ Siberia? How about Vienna and Romania? What the _fuck_ is wrong with you, Rogers?” There’s a vein popping out on Fury’s forehead and his tone is filled with venom and discontempt.

“I was–”

“ _If you are trying to give me excuses, boy, I will drop you in every single way I know how right now._ ” Fury has never spoken to them in such a dangerous, murderous tone. Steve is shocked.

“I– no, sir.”

“Good. Coulson is pissed, by the way, Barton, and you will be hearing from him later on.”

Clint swallows.

“Rogers,” Fury begins, “Stark was arrested on false charges. Mostly all of yours. Their line of thinking was that if they couldn’t punish the other rogue Avengers, they’d pin it all on the one they _could_ . I don’t think they were expecting all the media backlash from the very, very angry populace that their sole remaining hero had not only been arrested, but also _kidnapped_.” Fury takes a long, deep breath to calm himself down. “What I want to know is why the five of you acted like fucking _toddlers throwing a goddamn temper tantrum_ , hm? Explain that to me because I cannot understand, for the life of me, any reason for that kind of behavior. Especially against your own goddamn motherfucking family. Your teammates, for god’s sake. What the hell is wrong with all of you? We had enough sway with the UN to enact major changes to the Accords to any part that we didn’t like. The committee was going to have one of the Avengers on it, so you’d always get to go where you needed to, but now the public is furious.” Fury huffs, “You’ve pissed off half the goddamn planet, and if SHIELD were still around I would’ve grounded Cap for insubordination and recklessness until he got his head on straight. In fact, I would have benched _most_ of you on the grounds that you are completely, irrevocably emotionally compromised.”

The room is quiet. Nobody responds. A knock comes at the door and Fury growls out, “Enter.”

It’s Natasha. “I heard yelling,” she says softly, “what’s going on?”

“Ask them,” Fury bites out.

“Tony’s been abducted,” Clint mutters.

Natasha’s eyes land on him and they promise terrible things. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Hydra,” Scott chirps, “don’t cha just love how they never seem to die?”

“You let,” her face calm, but her words are filled with ice, “Tony get _kidnapped by Hydra_?”

“We didn’t even know about it until five seconds ago,” Clint defends.

“You would have, if you’d all been sensible,” Widow hisses.

“Gee, Natasha, didn’t Stark kick you out too? A little–”

“Shut up, Clint. Stark didn’t kick me out. I left.”

“Why?” Steve asks.

“... it doesn’t matter. The point is that I did and I shouldn’t have.”

“What?” Sam stares at her.

“He took the fall. For all of us. I didn’t know when I left, and by the time I found out… I was already on the plane to here. I had to–” She takes in a shaky breath, “–I had to find out from the TV. Do you know how awful that was? That I could’ve been there if I’d just–” She crosses her arms and sits down heavily in a chair.

“Romanoff,” Fury’s voice is more even and less angry, “they would’ve arrrested you.”

“It doesn’t matter! I should’ve– Fury,” Natasha’s voice quivers, “he told me.”

Fury looks like he doesn’t understand, which is rare considering all he must know.

“About… about Afghanistan. What they _did_. About The Ten Rings and AIM; Fury, they’re connected to Hyrda.”

Fury’s face becomes one of surprise. “That’s news.”

“They wanted him to build a Jericho, Fury, did you know that they drowned him while he had to hold a car battery to his chest? Because he was half-dead from shrapnel and open heart surgery with no sedatives or anaesthesia. Fury,” Natasha’s voice sounds close to a sob, “he was _awake_. For all of it. We have to find him; he’s a civilian with PTSD and we never knew  _anything_.”

“What? Tony Stark has PTSD?” Sam looks shocked.

“Yeah. Did you know, Steve, that he can’t take baths anymore? That he can’t stand to be in the shower for more than a few minutes? That he has nightmares every night about Afghanistan and about Obadiah Stane? About New York and the portal?” She’s only looking at him, but Steve feels as if she’s accusing him of something. Steve’s feeling a lot in those moments, actually. It feels like guilt and sorrow and self-hate. It feels an awful lot like he’s made a terrible, miserable mistake. It kind of tastes like vomit.

“No,” Steve answers quietly.

“You didn’t tell him,” she whispers. And there’s the accusation Steve thought he heard.

“I know.”

“ _Why_? He deserved to know, Steve! And, you,” she points a finger at him, “you fought him for being _angry at Barnes for what he’d done_? You didn’t think, for just one minute, that maybe he was lashing out in shock because he hadn’t had time to process?!”

“Rogers,” Fury’s violent attention is back and Steve shrinks, “what is she talking about?”

“Go ahead, Rogers, tell him. Tell him what you did to Tony in Siberia.” There’s a fierce, raging fire in her eyes and Steve folds his hands in his lap. He looks down, ashamed.

“Steve?” Sam looks at him questioningly.

“He– I don’t know. You’re right, okay? I was just– I don’t know what came over me, but I had to protect Bucky.”

“Steve,” Sam sam folds his arms and glares, “Tony went there as a friend. You said he attacked you and Bucky.”

“You said what?” Natasha and Fury snarl.

“He did, I was defending–”

“Rogers, are you trying to tell me that Tony’s reaction to finding out his parents were murdered and you not telling him, was unjustified? You better not be victim-blaming, or I will cut you, Rogers, and I will call in every favor Barton owes me to make you _pay_ ,” the Black Widow threatens.

“No– I was just– I don’t know. I was just trying to make him stop fighting Bucky, but I– I went too far.”

“Damn right you went too far,” Fury thundered.

“I’m sorry. I am. I was out of control; I was _wrong_ , so please can we get on with rescuing Tony now?”

Fury purses his lips. “I’m tempted to kick you off the team for all you’ve done, but we need all the eyes we can get to search for Stark. You’re lucky Thor and Banner aren’t here, otherwise I would sack you without a second thought. You hear me, Rogers? You’re in deep shit and you’re going to be spending a long time cleaning up this mess you’ve made. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve nods contritely.

*******

Tony wakes up bouncing on someone’s back. He’s about to be violently ill. “Put me down,” he gasps.

The kid does and Tony proceeds to hurl in a ditch. “You okay?” Oh yeah. He was… rescued? This guy is the soothingly strange one. “Just. Fine.” He hurls again.

The guy doesn’t look convinced and now that he gets a good look, the guy looks extremely familiar. “Who’re you?” Tony groans.

“My name is Doctor Stephen Strange, and this is Doctor Reed Richards.”

“Great,” Tony spits, “either of you happen to be an alpha?”  

“What?” Strange gives him a strange look. Tony cackles at his own joke. Then, he vomits again.

“Alpha? Anyone?”

“Richards is,” Strange murmurs.

“Awesome, c’mere, kid.”

“Uh. No offense, Mr. Stark, but you’ve got puke all over you and I don’t think–”

“Do it, Dr. Richards.” Strange’s tone brokers no arguments.

The boy sighs and crouches down next to Tony. Tony grabs his wrist and inhales deeply. “Whoa– what the fuck, dude?”

“Shut up. I just–” Tony takes another deep breath and the nausea fades away. “Ugh. That’s like morphine. Okay, kid, I’m good. Thanks.” The engineer wheezes and wipes his face. “Sorry.”

Richards looks like wheels are turning in his head. “What was that–” his eyes widen, “–are you an _omega_?”

Tony shrugs wearily.

“Not just an omega, Dr. Richards, but a pregnant one.”

Richards eyes bug out of his head. “Holy shit, this is news to me–to everyone–but, wait, why do you need alpha pheromones to make you feel better?”

“It’s a pregnancy thing,” Tony grumbles, “and I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“That’s understandable,” Strange nods, “why were you in that Hydra cell?”

“Beats me. There I was, recovering from pneumonia and countless injuries, when suddenly I’m being arrested. Then, imagine my surprise when the SUV I’m handcuffed in blows up. I wake up in that dungeon, and Doc McStuffins is interrogating me about Extremis. Really, it’s anyone’s guess.” Tony rolls his eyes.

“Arrested?” Richards looks shocked. “Why?”

“Fucking JCTC. Fucking government assholes,” Tony growls.

“Hm.” Strange raises an eyebrow.

“Why were you guys in the Hydra cell?”

“Richards and I were attending a conference in Ulaanbaatar, we met, and then Richards’s scanners showed an energy reading out here. We came to investigate. Finding you was lucky.”

“Lucky,” Tony snorts, “yeah. Real lucky. I’m pregnant and _sick_ and injured, Rhodes and Cho are probably out of their minds with worry, and the Avengers hate me, but yeah. I’m lucky.”

“That’s rough, buddy.”

“Thank you, Richards. Alright, so we’re… in Mongolia? Right? That sounds about accurate. Okay, so where are we going?”

“To a hospital,” Strange raises an eyebrow as if that was obvious.

“On foot?”

“Mostly. There was an electromagnetic interference around this area. The car kept dying, so we abandoned it a few miles out and walked to the compound. We’re only about half a kilometer away. You’ve been asleep for the other six.”

“That’s great. Thanks for letting me know. What’s the nearest town?”

“We’re just outside of Sergelen. Zuunmod is the closest city, but the hospital there is...questionable. Ulaanbaatar is a far better choice, but 60 kilometers is… a great distance for one in your condition.”

“60? That’s about 40 miles, so… like… what? An hour away? Maybe a little over from here?”

Richards and Strange nod.

“I can make it. I’ll probably just sleep the whole time. It’s okay. I’ve dealt with worse.”

The two doctors frown, but grudgingly agree. They’ve got a Jeep that looks like its seen better days, but it runs and it’s conducive for the kind of off-roading they’ve been doing way out here in the boonies. Stark lays across the back seat, shuts his eyes, and sleeps.

*******

_Tony gets the memo right after Steve leaves the facility in a rush with a plain, “I have to go.”_

_He feels the air leave his chest, and really, the fucking universe can’t give him a break, can it? First JARVIS… then Pepper… then Steve… and now Aunt Peggy. Really, what did he do in a past life that made Mother Nature hate him so goddamn much? He’d like to find out, if only just to bring himself some comfort. No. Comfort’s not the right word. It’s more akin to a masochistic desire to see himself blamed for everything. Well, maybe it’s not a past life, then. There’s a lot he’s done in this one that would make karma hate him. Except for his childhood. He’ll blame that on a past life until he’s dead._

_He sits down in the big comfy sofa after everyone’s left the room. The advil’s not kicked in yet, so he’s still pretty miserable._

_God, when was the last time he visited Aunt Peggy? Oh, yeah. That’s right. The Incident. Because God forbid he should want a healthy relationship with some parental figure for once._

_She’d been having an… off day. The Alzheimer’s taking its toll in a largely negative way. She’d thought he was Howard, and told him what a terrible man he was for treating Maria and Anthony like that. She told him that he should’ve given up the search for Cap a long time ago because his obsession was unhealthy and he needed to just let go and be with his family for once._

_Tony had sat down on the chair and had taken her hands in his, and said oh-so-softly, “Aunt Peggy, I’m not– I’m not Howard. I’m Tony.”_

_She’d given him such a strange, strange look. She’d gotten violent. She’d yelled and screamed and fought him. Called him a liar and dirty, filthy Hydra scum that she couldn’t believe would stoop so far as to impersonate Howard and then try and tell her they were Tony aged up significantly. What did they think she was? Some kind of stupid dame? She’d been the director of SHIELD, for Chrissakes!_

_They’d had to sedate her. Tony had a scar on his shoulder from where she’d tried to stab him with a pen. He couldn’t go back after that. The pain too raw and his emotional state far too broken to lose someone else after… after Stane. He kept sending her flowers and cards, though, because he loved Aunt Peggy just as much as he loved his mother._

_The best parts of his childhood were when Peggy and Mom would take him out for their “Girl’s Day Out”. They’d go shopping, see a movie, get lunch, go to all kinds of different salons, to the park, to a play or a comedy act, and they’d laugh and laugh and hold his hand. At night, before Peggy left for the evening, they’d both tuck him in, read him a story, kiss him goodnight, and tell him they were sorry for dragging him around all day. Tony had never minded. His mother never smiled brighter than when she and Peggy would hang out. Back then, Tony would’ve done anything to keep his mother smiling like that._

_Tony liked to brag to Jarvis that he had two mothers and a really awesome Dad-Uncle because Jarvis refused to be called “Dad”._

_If the days out with his two moms were the best, then the days when Jarvis came along and made them a quartet were something out a fantasy because Tony clutched on to those golden memories like he’d die without them. He loved the family he chose so much. So much._

_Jarvis goes away first._

_It’s the worst day of Tony’s life._

_His mother dies when he’s back home for break. It’s a tie._

_Peggy isn’t long after when she starts showing signs. She holds on for a long, long time, though, and she only really takes a nosedieve after The Incident. After that… Tony knows it’s only a matter of time._

_He knows Rogers has been seeing her and talking to her. He never tells him that he’s her emergency contact or that he pays her medical bills. He doesn’t because he’s not sure Steve would believe him._

_He doesn’t want to feel like a crazy person for being the only one who remembers that she was his second mom._

_He gets the invitation for the funeral. He knows Sharon Carter will be there, and he knows that Steve will be too. He’s not sure he can go._

_He does._

_It’s the third worst day of his life. The only days that come close to the three worst days of his life are Afghanistan, Stane, and New York._

_He’s in the very, very back pew. He’s in a suit and tie, but not an expensive one. He’s got shades on and his face turned to the floor. He leaves first._

_Then, when everyone else has gone, including Carter, he goes back in._

_“Ah, Mr. Stark,” the preacher says warmly, “I thought you might come back.”_

_Tony shrugs and tries to keep it together._

_“We’re about to bury her out back, would you like to come?”_

_Tony can’t say no, so he follows._

_The coffin is being lowered into the ground when he collapses to his knees and realizes he’s crying. His shoulders are shaking with it and he just sobs and sobs. They’re throwing dirt in and filling the hole when Tony whispers, “I love you, Mama. I hope you find your way back to Mommy and Jarvis. They loved you too. I hope you see that Howling Commando–Jim–you said you didn’t love, but I know that you did. Wherever you are,” Tony’s voice breaks and cracks, “I hope you’re happy.” He drags in a shaky, agonized half-breath. His heart feels like it's being torn in half and trampled over. "Goodbye." He breathes, but feels like he's dying, "Addio, Mamma."_

_He stays until his comm comes online and they’re ordering him to detain a rogue Steve Rogers and company in Romania. Then, he sighs, picks himself up, walks with his head held high like Mama taught him, and moves._

 

 

*******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you.
> 
> IDK when next ch is coming but prob soon. also. more feels to come.
> 
> TBC so please subscribe or you know. just click the back button and go find a fluffy fic. that works too. 
> 
> (it's gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse before it gets better)
> 
> P.S. do yourself a favor and google what a gortle is. you'll laugh. i originally intended for it to be goose+turtle, but well. this was so much better.


	5. September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave  
> And all those days we spent out by the lake  
> Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made  
> One by one they vanish just the same"
> 
> \- September, by Daughtry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for oh so patiently waiting on me! Life is hectic and yada yada yada~ but here it iiiiiss chapter 5!
> 
> Again, thanks for all the comments, kudos, and views. It means the world to me.

It’s fitting that he should wake up in a hospial after all is said and done. It seems that despite not having an electromagnet in his chest, the crippling aversion to hospitals is still ready and roaring.

“Hey, Stark,” Reed greets, “Strange went to go talk to some doctors. We should be outta here soon.”

“Wonderful,” Tony rasps, “how long was I out?”

“Coupla days,” Reed’s giving him a look that means he’s probably thinking of their early conversation and how he said he was fine, but really wasn’t. The look reminds him of Steve. It makes him unreasonably angry.

“Well,” he says because there’s nothing else to say.

“You worried Strange quite a bit,” Richards tilts his head like he’s considering the reasons why.

“Pro’ly m’ pheromones…”

“Nah,” Reed wrinkles his nose, “‘Cause then I’d be affected.”

God, he looks so young. “Kid, how old are you?”

“I’m not a kid. I’ve graduated high school.” Richards sniffed haughtily.

“Oh, great. So you’re underage.”

Reed opens his mouth to protest, but then closes it. He moves his head in a way that signifies agreement.

“Good, you’re awake.” Strange walks in. “Here are your clothes. Get dressed; we’re leaving.”

Tony raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t argue. “Sure.” He slips on his underwear with the gown on, and then shimmies into his jeans. He pulls the strings undone and slips out of the hospital gown. “Oh.” He’s still got the IV and stuff in him. “Guys.”

Strange looks confused and then looks at where Tony’s gesturing. “Oh, right. Of course.” The doctor comes over and skillfully pulls out any… inconveniences embedded in his body. It’s quick and not very fun, but Strange seems to be in a hurry.

Tony signs out AMA and they all pile into the Jeep. “So,” Tony says conversationally, “where we headed?”

“The airport,” Stephen Strange responds shortly.

“That’s good, doc, very informative.”

“To Wakanda,” Reed blurts.

Tony stills. “What.” A memory stirs, too, just on the tip of his tongue–

“The… other superheroes are there, right? At least, as far as Strange and I can tell, they are. Or were. Should still be, anyways, we’ve got… well, Strange and I found something. It’s big, Stark, and we’re going to need help.”

A shiver of rage rolls through Tony and he grits out through a clenched jaw, “Not from _them_ we don’t.”

Reed blinks at his vicious tone. “Oh. So you’ve kind of got your own Doom situation going on, huh? Yeah, that’s not a–um–a good time?”

“‘Doom situation’?” Both Strange and Tony parrot back.

“Oh, right, you guys don’t know who that is. He was a colleague of sorts. Until he went… uh. Batshit insane?”

Tony snorts. Batshit insane isn’t what he’d say to describe the situation with the others at all. No, he’d call it more of a brutal backstabbing in a Roman colloseum than insanity. He sighs heavily, exhausted. Tony looks out the window of the Jeep and tries not to think. He tries to see the outside world and the landscape of dirt and farmland because he _can’t_ think about everything. He can’t. It’s not… it’s not even that he’s angry or hurt, because he is in every way a person can be, but it’s more that he can’t think about everything they could have had. With Steve. With the team. All of it. Everything was just getting started–just being built with that new house smell and everything–with a new adventure and new friendships… Instead…

Instead, everything was over before it even began. Dead and destroyed before it even had the chance to be something… spectacular. It’d been something that Tony had sorely needed in his life, but now all he’s got is an empty compound, an empty tower, and an empty heart.

Tony leans against the window and tries not to feel the cracks in his armor or the holes in his heart.

Like the rest of it, he’s not very successful.

“I remembered,” Tony says quietly.

“Hm?” Reed looks back at him with a raised eyebrow. “You say something?”

“Yeah. In… the dungeon… the guy said something about an invasion. I–” Tony’s eyes widen as that whole conversation comes back to him with striking clarity. “No, not _just_ an invasion. It’s an invasion of Wakanda. HYDRA and Stern are behind all of it. They’re going to take an army and bombard the country on all fronts; it’ll be an ambush. I have to tell T’Challa.”

Strange looks at Tony in the rearview and his eyes tell Tony that he’s too perceptive. “You’ll probably run into your old team,” the surgeon murmurs.

“Yeah,” Tony responds in a hollow tone, “I probably will.”

Nothing would or could prepare him for that eventual meeting, so he tries not to think about that either. He’d expected to have more problems come from the shindig at Siberia, but maybe he was too fucked up from beforehand to have anything more affect him. He should be glad, but all he feels is cold.

God. He should stop thinking about this. All it does is hurt him. His therapist would say that he’s avoiding his problems and his issues; that he’s running away. She’s not wrong, of course, she never is. She’s a lot like Pepper in that regard, and it’s probably why he likes her so much. Jacey… Jacey was kind and thoughtful and understanding. If it weren’t for her, he’d probably still be having night terrors and still be suffering in silence. In all honesty, she’s probably the best friend he has. Sure, there’s Rhodey and Helen… but he can’t talk to them about a lot of things. He tells Jacey everything. He knows that she goes out of her way to accommodate him, and that she does things not necessarily in a strictly professional sense, like she should, but instead she focuses on his emotional state and his well-being. She even gave him her personal cell phone number in case he needed someone to talk to. He memorized the number even though he can’t memorize his own social security number.

“Hey,” his voice weary and colorless, “either of you have a cellphone?”

“Here’s mine,” Reed offers.

“Thanks.”

Tony dials her number and puts the phone to his ear. She picks up on the second ring.

“ _OH MY GOD! TONY STARK, YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO, MISTER!”_

“Hi, Jacey,” He smiles.

" _Nuh uh, I can hear your puppy dog face, Stark, and I won’t fall for it! Where have you BEEN? I’ve been worried sick! Do you have any idea– any idea what I went through when I saw what happened on TV? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Where are you?”_

Tony smiles, a warmth fluttering in his chest. No one’s asked him except for her, and he kind of loses it like a dam that’s too full and falls apart from the pressure, he breaks.

He knows Strange and Reed are watching and listening. For once, he doesn’t care about appearances or reputations, so he cries. In a manly way, of course.

Jacey’s voice softens instantly, “ _Oh, Tony, I’m sorry. Tell me everything, Hun.”_

“Got tortured, Jacey. Got… kidnapped. Again. And I thought that… I thought I’d moved _past_ this, but I–” Tony’s voice comes out strangled and hoarse and miserable.

“ _I know, Hun, I know. It’s okay. None of this is your fault. The Accords, or the shitty people who’ve done cruel, terrible things to you. None of it is your fault. Say it back, Tony.”_

“It’s not my fault,” He chokes out in a half-sob.

“ _No, it’s not. Where are you? Do you need me to come rescue you, my damsel in distress?”_

Tony laughs, but then he starts crying all over again. “No… no, I’m in Mongolia, Jacey, with… um, some fr–aquaintances. We’re… we’re going to Wakanda, Jacey.”

He isn’t sure if it’s the desperation or agony in his voice, but hers goes ice cold and flat, “ _I’m taking the next flight out. I’ll see you in Africa, Hun.”_

“Jacey–”

“ _Tony. I’m not about to let those vultures swoop in and attack you. I’m definitely not about to let you go and face them alone. It’s okay to need somebody, Tony, but you shouldn’t have to ask if it’s okay to lean on them.”_

“...” Tony sniffles, “Thanks, Jacey. You’re the best.”

_“Damn straight I am,”_ She huffs and Tony can picture her puffing up with pride, “ _I’ll see you soon, Tony. Let me know when you land.”_ She hangs up and Tony feels lighter than he has in weeks. She really is a true friend. Tony doesn’t know what he’d do without her. Probably curl up in a ball and wallow.

“So,” Reed speaks up, “who was that?”

“It is rude to be nosy, Mr. Richards.”

“Uh, sorry, man.” Reed looks sheepish and awkward.

“It’s okay, kid, Jacey is… well. She’s my shrink, I guess.” Tony sighs and rubs his face. “She honestly shouldn’t be working in a shitty office like that, under the employment of some manager; she should have her own business, frankly.”

“She sounds too good to be true. Psychiatrists don’t care about the patients, they just wanna make money by prescribing drugs.” Reed mutters as if he’s speaking from experience.

“Jacey is a psychologist, actually, and her only policy is that she won’t resort to meds until every other option has been explored.”

“Hm.” Reed shrugs. Tony doesn’t press since he can see it’s kind of a touchy subject.

Tony goes to look outside the window again. She’s helped with a lot of his problems, namely his PTSD and anxiety. He’s also managed to solve that irritating little quirk where he couldn’t stand being handed things. Tony hadn’t lied when he said Jacey used drugs as a last resort, but it just so happens that his PTSD was… incessantly stubborn. And, while therapy was giving him progress… his flashbacks and following panic attacks were relentless, so Jacey reluctantly passed over the prescription and told him that she would be switching the medication every two doses to prevent his immune system adapting to any one drug. Also she claimed it might help him not become so dependent on them as a sleep aid and antidepressant.

Tony had just said thanks and gone on with his day.

For the rest of the trip, Tony zoned out. He didn’t even realize they were at the airport until they were calling for them to board the plane. So he blinked, sat in his seat, and slept the whole way to Wakanda.

*******

“Rogers,” Fury spoke to the roomful of departing Avengers, “you stay.”

Steve gulped. “Yes, sir.”

As soon as everyone else had left Fury sat in a chair and gestured for Steve to do the same.

“So, Rogers, mind telling me what’s going on in that pretty boy head of yours?”

Steve blanched. “My– what? No, nevermind. Um. Yes, sir. I just– I lost control and Tony just wouldn’t… he wouldn’t _stop_ , so I tried to–I don’t know–I just–” Steve fumbled for a response.

“Well, let me tell you what you ‘tried to’ do, okay? You knew Tony was in a blind rage, which was perfectly an acceptable emotional response given the situation. And you _tried_ to make him stop by using extreme, unnecessary violence. Why didn’t you just talk him down, Rogers? Why didn’t you try to get him to calm down, hm? Can you tell me that? No? Well, I’ll tell you why, Rogers, and it’s because you’re going through something called Bond Detachment.”

“What?” Rogers’ eyes go wide, “But that’s impossible! I haven’t bonded–”

Fury’s glare is terrifying and shuts the super soldier up right away. “You have. You’re lucky the bond was new and barely formed, otherwise one of you would have gone into a coma. Or, worse, gone feral.”

“But, Director–”

“Captain. You’re a strategic genius, I’m sure you can pinpoint the exact point in time when such an _intimate_ bond would have occurred.”

Steve’s jaw drops and then he purses his lips. He nods.

“You know what else I find interesting, Captain? It’s that you chose Barnes over the person you bonded with. Now, how’d that happen, I wonder? Considering your very biology is supposed to ensure the survival of your mate at all costs. What’d you do, Rogers?”

Steve had a minute to process Fury’s words before he paled and could no longer look the man in the eye.

“Oh, that’s right, Steven Grant Rogers, I know you were fucking him. I also know that you took bond-breakers without telling him and left him to suffer withdrawal symptoms without even knowing why. You’ve made me very, very angry, Captain.”

Steve swallows and looks ashen. “I– I just thought it was one-sided. He didn’t show any signs of… of a bond, so, I just… but I couldn’t do it. I only took half a dose. I didn’t want to break it,” Steve finally admits miserably.

“Did you tell Tony that? Or did you let him just assume you didn’t want him anymore? Still, you managed to get rid of those symptoms of yours and finally got a clear head. What I can’t fathom is how you were able to beat him to shit in Siberia without your physiology intervening.” Fury leans back into the chair and stares pointedly.

“Bucky’s pack. He’s… he’s my brother in everything but blood, and I couldn’t let Tony kill him.”

“Kill him?” Fury scoffs. “Please. Tony probably would have beat the shit out of him, sure, but _kill?_ The guy can barely stand the guilt of the people who were victims in Sokovia, let alone from his weapons when he still made them. You think he’d be capable of killing Barnes? Who, by the way, he knows is innocent and was controlled and forced to do everything.

“What do you think that kind of guilt would have done to him, Captain? It would’ve destroyed him. So, yes, he would’ve beat Barnes to a pulp, but the man’s a deadly assassin, a partial supersoldier, and an alpha. I think Barnes could’ve defended himself. Plus Tony would’ve stopped eventually. Probably would’ve gone numb and boneless and broken down in tears. I know that, so why don’t you?”

“... I have nothing to say, Director. I am ashamed of my actions and my behavior.”

“That’s good, Rogers. You have a lot of making up to do to Tony, and you damn well better not forget it.” Fury crosses his arm and says sternly.  

Steve feels as if he’s been dismissed, so he gets up from the chair with contrition and shame clear in the lines of his face and in his body language.

Fury’s voice sounds and makes Steve pause at the door with his hand on the handle and his head turned to hear the man.

“And one last thing: Steven Grant Rogers, if you _ever_ hurt Tony again I will not hesitate to use lethal force to make you pay. You feel me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now get the hell out.”

Steve does. He’s got a lot of work to do. He starts by apologizing to Clint for dragging him into this mess. Then he apologizes to Sam for getting him thrown in the Raft. He even calls Rhodey up to formally apologize despite being yelled at the whole time. Next he finds Natasha and apologizes for not listening to her advice and for forcing her to choose. He apologizes to Scott for getting him involved and not considering that he may not have wanted to. Finally, he reads over the Accords three times and can grudgingly admit that the new terms are more acceptable.

He decides that he doesn’t have the right to speak to Tony yet, so he writes him letters instead. He tells Tony everything in his letters. All the way from his day to apologies to what the future holds.

Mostly, though, Steve becomes unhealthily obsessed with finding Tony. The engineer has been gone for so long now, and the supersoldier shudders to think what the kidnappers might have done to him to get Tony to cooperate. He needs to… he needs to see Tony with his own eyes, and to make amends for the way he treated his potential mate. Steve had always thought that he would wind up with an omega, but he wasn’t about to lie to himelf by saying that he wasn’t interested in Tony, or wouldn’t want him for a mate simply because he was a beta. Saying such things in this day and age, Steve had discovered, was similar to mistreating a lady in the forties. It simply wasn’t done.

On that note, Steve knew he had much to account for. He needed to own up to his failings, take responsibilty for his actions, and accept whatever consequences he was due.

His road to redemption began by seeing a therapist to work on his adaptation to modern society and culture, on his PTSD, on his relationship issues, and something the therapist called his “de-rooting” and letting the past go.

His therapy was going quite well, and he was learning a lot about new manners and etiquette in this day. He didn’t much care to learn about standard behavior in the 21st century. But, the doctor had explained, the behavior wasn’t due to lack of caring or compassion, but more fear of being met with disdain and ridicule. There was even a fear of being sued by people who’s lives you saved, which was a startling common occurence that Steve had met with disbelief and disgust.

His… education on modern matters was going well, and he was getting a grip on himself and coming to terms with the past and all that he’d missed and been forced to leave behind. It _was_ going well, until T’Challa burst through the doors during one of his sessions post-mission and ordered him to follow him to a conference room. Immediately.

“T’Challa,” Steve began as they hustled through the hallways and to an elevator, “has something happened? I wasn’t informed of a debriefing. Doctor Cha’na was supposed to tell you that all the Avengers would get a 24-hour respite after another failed mission. I believe she hoped it would help keep morale from falling.”

“That is not what I am bringing you to the conference for, Mr. Rogers,” The king stated calmly.

Steve furrowed his brow, “Then what for?”

“You will not believe me unless you see for yourself. Come. Quickly. We must hurry.”

“T’Challa–”

“Trust me, Rogers, you will want to see.”

Steve decided it was a losing battle and just followed the king. It turns out the king was right. He didn’t believe it.

Tony Stark was standing right in front of him and, for a moment, despite seeing it with his own two eyes, he really couldn’t believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys know by now that I have thing for cliffhangers. Really. I can't seem to help it. I'd apologize.... but that would be dishonest. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!! Remember to subscribe! More is on its way! (I seem to have lots of feelings to work through after Civil War sweet baby panda Infinity War is going to wreck me to pieces i just know it. there's not even a trailer out yet but guys THINK OF THE FORESHADOWING oh dear Odin the angst)
> 
> reviews are my lifeblood and I just want you all to know that I squeal like some kind of dying cat when i get one and then proceed to vomit rainbows. just so we're clear.


	6. When I Call Your Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The lonely sound of my voice calling is driving me insane   
> And just like rain, the tears keep falling   
> Nobody answers when I call your name"  
>  \- Vince Gill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry...

_ December 19, 1991 _

 

_ Tony gets the news when he comes out of his hibernation on the couch. The person on the other end informs him that his parents have been brought to the hospital and could he please identify their bodies because, oh yes, so sorry, Mr. Stark, but your parents have died in a terrible car accident. _

_ He thought it was a prank at first. He gets to the hospital in a cab and meets a lady at the front desk who frowns at him with pity and sympathy. It makes something cold turn in his gut. Some doctor dude comes to get him and walks him down to the morgue. They warn him that the sight is gruesome before lifting the sheet off the corpses. _

_ He doesn’t think it’s an elaborate prank anymore.   _

_ His mother has a broken neck. _

_ It’s all he can see before he rushes away and vomits into the nearest trash can. He can’t do this. He can’t do this without her.  _

_ The doctors give him more pitying looks and Tony just says, “Yeah. That’s them.” _

_ There’s a whooshing sound filling his hears and he can’t hear a fucking word the doctors are saying, so he runs away instead. He gets to the lobby of the hospital and slumps into a chair. His first instinct is to call his mom. But he can’t, can he? Not anymore. Not ever again. He buries his face in his hands and stays that way, feeling very small and very lost, for a long time. _

_ He feels a heavy hand land on his shoulder and he jerks in surprise. He unfolds his limbs and stares at his father’s business partner. It makes sense Howard would have put Stane down as an emergency contact.  _

_ He’d forgotten about the will. Stane gets to look after him until he turns 21 and is “responsible enough” to run the company on his own. The bald man’s presence has always been… has always felt strange to Tony. He never really liked the dude, but maybe it was his hormones. As good ol’ Dad would say.  _

_ Dear God. He was an orphan, wasn’t he?  _

_ His father never did tell Tony that he was proud. His mother had just started being happier again. _

_ It hurts to breathe. Obadiah smells weird. Tony wants Rhodey and his projects and his classes at MIT because anything would be better than this. He stands up, looks Stane in the eye, and leaves.  _

_ He finds a payphone after walking some minutes later. He calls Rhodey. _

“Hello? Who is this? _ ” The familiar voice sounds.  _

_ “Rhodey,” Tony mumbles.  _

_ “Tony?  _ Tones, is that you? Where are you calling from _?” _

_ “A payphone.” _

“Why are you at a payphone? Where are you?”

_ “... Rhodey,” Tony takes a deep breath, “I–” He can’t say it. The words get stuck in his throat and he swallows back tears. He’s fine. He’s okay. “Never mind, Rhodes, I just wanted to say I missed you and MIT. Also, I wish I hadn’t come back for Christmas.”  _

_ Rhodey is quiet, like he knows there’s something Tony isn’t telling him, but instead he chuckles, _ “Come on, man, I know your dad is tough, but it’s only a couple of weeks, right? Besides, didn’t you tell me they were going on vacation anyways?”

_ “Yep, they went on vacation alright,” Tony chokes out. One they aren’t going to come back from. _

“Tones, is everything okay? _ ” _

_ “... Y-yeah. Everything’s just– fine. Everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll, uh, I’ll call you later?” _

“Tony…”

_ “Bye,” Tony hangs up quickly. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks until his face is numb from the cold and he can feel his cheeks and lips chapping from the winter breeze.  _

_ It’s a coincidence that he’s standing outside of a bar. He walks inside and asks the bartender if he can phone for a cab. The man does and Tony stares at the whorls and lines in the old wood when a young kid sits down across from him. _

_ “You’re new here,” he says.  _

_ Tony stares. “I’m underage.”  _

_ “Ah. Couldn’t tell.”  _

_ Tony isn’t sure if the guy’s serious or being sarcastic. But he is wearing shades inside, and he is holding on to a– _

_ Oh.  _

_ “You’re blind,” Tony says flatly. _

_ “I didn’t realize we were stating the obvious now.” Cheeky brat. Tony likes him. _

_ “You started it,” Tony returns. _

_ “That’s true,” the kid smiles, “I’m Matt.”  _

_ “Tony,” he mutters. _

_ “So, Tony, you look like you just got some bad news,” the kids murmurs. _

_ “Yeah,” shadows shutter down over Tony’s face and he looks out a window across the room, “something like that.” _

_ “My parents are dead too,” Matt says softly, “But I’ve got this old geezer lookin’ after me now, and I think it’ll be alright.” _

_ Tony smiles sadly, “You’re lucky then, Matt. ‘Cause I’ve got nobody.”  _

_ Matt purses his lips and frowns. “Sometimes, we’ve got people lookin’ out for us even if we dunno that they’re there. Sometimes, they’re closer than you think.” With that the kid slides out of the booth and walks into a back room.  _

_ Tony folds his hands, closes his eyes, and counts the minutes until the cab gets there.  _

_ 1… _

_ 2… _

_ 3… _

 

**_***_ **

 

Tony was being supported by a kid who couldn’t possibly be older than twenty and a more middle-aged looking man with sharp, brown eyes and a narrow face. Steve thought he might have recognized the older one, but he wasn’t sure. 

As it was, all Steve could do was stand there and gape. Tony looked… well. He looked like shit. A woman was standing near a window on the far wall with her arms crossed and a dangerous expression on her face when her eyes met Steve’s. She didn’t look pleased to see him. 

Tony’s lips thin into a line when Steve attempts to meet his gaze again. Steve takes a few steps backs with his head bent down slightly.

The rest of the Avengers pile in after Steve and gape at Tony. Clint snarls and starts to open his mouth, but Natasha quickly intervenes with a pinch to the man’s shoulder. Tony throws the red-head a small, grateful smile. 

The engineer takes a deep breath and looks to T’Challa. “Your Grace,” Tony throws on his paparazzi smile, “I’ve got news.”

Clint narrows his eyes, “What, you couldn’t send a postcard?”

Steve wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t been watching Tony very closely, but he saw the man flinch a little. 

Natasha kicks Barton on the shin. “Ow!”

“No, Barton, I couldn’t send a postcard from my dungeon in Mongolia since it didn’t have a view. Wouldn’t have been a pretty enough picture,” Tony says monotonously. 

And, just like that, Clint wilts. He’d forgotten that Tony hadn’t been couped up in New York where it was safe. Clint looks like he’s about to apologize, but Tony quickly butts in, “As I was saying, T’Challa, I hope you have some really good defenses because you are not going to like the tourists stopping by for a visit. They’re the nasty sort, you know, ask too many questions, like to chop down the vegetation, and maybe kill a few of the natives. That kind.”

T’Challa wrinkles his brow and appears confused, “I do not understand.”

“Hydra decided that Wakanda was a pearl in an oyster, so now they’ve come to pry out the pearl and kill the oyster.” 

“They want the vibranium,” T’Challa nods sagely. 

“Yeah. They want Barnes too, but I think the Winter Soldier would rather die than be in their less-than-hospitable hands again.”

Steve bites his lip to keep from arguing with Tony; Bucky isn’t the Winter Soldier. 

“They also want information on the weaknesses of the Avengers, pests that you are, and intends to capture Wanda and Vision. Probably also the captain, but that’s old news. I’m pretty sure they’re deadset on killing the rest of us, too, so that’s fun.”

“Tony…” Natasha begins. 

The engineer shakes his head. “Alright, look, I know that you probably don’t want me here, so now that I’ve delivered the message, I think I’ll be on my way.” 

“How do we know you won’t try to tell Ross where we are?” Wanda pipes up. 

Tony sighs. “If I wanted Ross to know where you were I wouldn’t have been arrested and, therefore, kidnapped in the first place.” 

Wanda closes her mouth, but concedes his point with no small amount of shame. She does feel a little bad, after all, now that she knows how Stark must have felt when his weapons were aimed and fired at the wrong targets; used by those who shouldn’t have had them in the first place. She gets it now, and it is a terrible burden to bear. 

She is about to apologize, truly, as she should, like her parents had taught her so long ago to be polite and to be kind. 

That’s when Tony staggers and goes limp in the two mens’ arms. He very nearly collapses to the ground, except the younger man catches him with a lot of concern on his face. “Strange,” the young one says, “he needs–”

“Yes, I know,” Strange, the older one must be, murmurs and asks T’Challa to kindly direct them to the nearest medical facility. The mysterious woman who had been lingering in the background follows close behind. Wanda does not like her. And she doesn’t like her because she cannot read this woman. Either the woman has been trained to shield and resist telepathy, or does so instinctively. Wanda is not sure which prospect she finds more terrifying.

The Avengers follow, all looking and emitting the feeling as if someone had just kicked a thousand puppies in their presence. They are all worried, she knows, but none of them feel as if they are allowed to be. 

Wanda hates guilt. 

*******

_ He’d known it’d been a collosally, epically bad idea of truly mind-boggling proportions from the very start. Tony is bad with authority, though, and he’s bad with rules. So, like an idiot, he hadn’t listened to his brain screaming and pleading at him to stop before he got ahead of himself.  _

_ Steve had been particullarly stressed with his obsession in finding Bucky and also his rut made him more cranky than usual. _

_ Coulson’s new little rag-tag group had requested a hand, so they’d obliged. The mission had been fairly straight-forward: get in, get the data, get the hostage, get out, and boom they’d be done. _

_ It wasn’t straight-forward.  _

_ Tony may or may not have gotten, just slightly - just a tiny, teensy bit - blown up. No big deal. He wouldn’t even get a bruise from it, but for some reason it set off Steve’s hind-brain in a bad way that led to them fucking in the Quinjet for a good hour and, well. That he did get bruises from. The good kind, though, because sex with the All-American Captain was never anything but extremely satisfying for both parties. _

_ Really, their terrifying compatability both in and out of the sheets should have sent Tony screaming for the hills. Instead, he just screamed Steve. If Tony wasn’t in denial and wasn’t too well-fucked to use his brain, he might have noticed the bond forming sooner. He hadn’t, however, until it was far, far too late.  _

_ Then Steve had taken a bond-dissolving pill.  _

_ Tony’d been sick for days, which is how he knew Steve didn’t finish the dose because then he’d have been sick for at least a month. Probably longer. Probably also would have had to have been admitted to a hospital. He’s grateful that hadn’t happened.  _

_ Surprisingly, Tony doesn’t care that Steve tried to rip out the bond. Tony probably would have done it himself if, again, it hadn’t been for the denial. So he can’t really begrudge the captain. Or he shouldn’t.  _

_ Well. Tony’s never been one to follow his own goddamn advice.  _

_ That’s probably when their relationship started splitting at the seams, if Tony thought about it. Which he tried not to because he shouldn’t be angry and he shouldn’t be hurt, but he was.  _

_ Looks like Matt had been wrong. He still had nobody in his corner.  _

_ Siberia makes it all irreparably worse, and only serves to fully cement one thought in his mind: he’s never going to be able to redeem himself; he’s never going to be free of the curse The Merchant of Death. No one trusts him. No one needs him. No one would miss him. He’s a disappointment. _

 

*******

 

Tony wakes in a bed with white sheets, so it feels like a hospital bed except the scenery’s all wrong and the paint is too… cheery. 

“Ah, good, you’re awake,” A tinkling, bell-like voice sounds from his left. 

Tony instantly beams at her. “Hey, Jacey!”

She smiles back, all fond and affectionate. It gives Tony warm fuzzies that he relishes - that he craves. She frowns suddenly, “Tony…” Her voice is gentle and sad. 

“What I’d do this time?”

“Well, you’re not fully recovered from your bout with pneumonia and bronchitis a couple of months back–”

“Wait, back up, ‘ _ months _ ’?” 

Her eyebrows pinch together and she closes her eyes, pain flitting across her features. “Yeah, Tone-ster. You were gone for a while. You… you don’t remember?” 

“No– I– I didn’t know…” 

Her next smile is watery and full of worry, “That’s alright, sugar, as long as you’re okay.”

He reaches for her hand and she takes it, her small, cold hands always shock him a little, but she squeezes and takes a deep breath. “They don’t know, you know. About your little bun, well except the two men I’ve personally thanked for saving your skin. They’ve both asked me if I’m your alpha,” she giggles.

Tony raises a brow and snickers, “I bet you got a kick out of the look on their faces when they found out you’re only a demi.”[1]

“Yes,” she admits with a twitch of an evil grin pulling at her lips. “Would it help,” she asks suddenly, “if you scented me? With your nausea,” she clarifies. 

Tony shrugs and doesn’t answer. He’s too stubborn to ask for help, even from her. Old habits die hard, and all that. Except, Jacey has never been easy to fool. She reads everyone like a book and deciphers his expressions and body language like she’s got the cypher. 

She bends forward for enough that her red locks trail over Tony’s chest and he’s close enough to see her gorgeous ice blue eyes. She tucks her tiny wrist under his nose and he breathes it in greedily. Something unfurls in his chest and he feels at ease. Peaceful, in a drugged kind of way. He wonders why. The pheromones hadn’t been that potent with Reed. 

“It’s probably because your biology considers me as pack,” she muses aloud to his unspoken question.

“It’s really creepy when you do that,” Tony remarks, “you sure you’re not an empath or a telepath, or something?”

“What, like Charles Xavier?” Jacey just laughs. “You sure know how to boost a girl’s ego, I’ll give you that.”

“Seriously, you’re like freakishly good at it.”

Jacey never loses the small smile, but for a moment, Tony feels like she’s put on a mask. Like she’s thinking about something and is trying to fight it from showing on the surface. 

“Never mind, I’m drugged, so I’m loopy.” He waves a hand like that’ll make it all okay. 

“You’re always loopy,” she teases. And there’s that smile he adores. Her sincere, genuine, bright smile that never fails to get him to crack one out too. Her smiles, he’s noticed, are very contagious. 

“That was a terrible comeback,” he tries to refute, but she just cackles like she’s won and Tony lets her because she’s magnificent. “So,” he changes the subject, “how’s the husband?”

“Arthur is lovely, thank you,” and Tony gets to see the love-struck look in her eye. He wants that. “He wants to know when you’re coming over again for dinner,” she raises a brow.

Tony shrugs and yawns. 

“He also wants to know if he’s allowed to kick Steve’s ass.”

Tony looks at her with shock. “What?”

She gives him a look. “Honey, I’m practically your therapist. I’m also your friend. My husband and I are not blind to the pining, heart-sick look on your face whenever he comes up in conversation or make an appearance on the TV. Mostly because we both have experience, but that’s besides the point.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“To everyone with an unbiased pair of eyes who knows what they’re looking for, yes. You are very obvious.” She crosses her legs and smooths down her pencil skirt. 

“Not to…”

“No,” she replies, “never to the one we want to see it. Life’s complicated and messy that way.”

Tony just turns his head on the pillow to look at the ceiling, a pinched look on his face. “I don’t think…” He closes his eyes, “I don’t want him to know anymore, I think. Not about… not about the bond, my stupid crush, the pregnancy, or any of it. I just… I don’t want to feel this way any more, Jace.”

Jacey’s face falls and emotion fills her eyes. She pulls him in a for a side-hug and let’s him rest his head on her shoulder for a bit. If she feels the wet drip of tears soaking in to her grey blazer, she doesn’t mention it. She just squeezes him tight and pets his head. 

“It’s okay, Tony,” she whispers, “it’s okay not to be strong sometimes.”

Not for the first time, he wishes he didn’t love Steve.

 

*******

 

Tony wakes again, in the middle of the night, to the sound of pages turning. He looks to the side to see who’s decided to sit with him and immediately wishes he hadn’t. 

It’s Steve.

The supersoldier must have heard him moving because he puts down the book and looks Tony dead in the eye. “Hi,” he says in a small voice. 

Cold dread works its way through Tony’s blood until he feels nothing but ice and the pounding of his own traitorous heart. He doesn’t respond. 

Steve’s fragile smile breaks a little and he looks down at his hands. “Tony... I know… I know you probably don’t want to speak to me, after everything I did. I… I don’t think I’d want to see me either. You don’t have to say anything, alright? I just wanted to– I wanted to apologize. For everything. I shouldn’t have gotten involved, and I should have trusted you and Widow to handle it. But, I didn’t. I was too blinded by, I don’t know, my need and desperation for Bucky. For home. I didn’t realize how compromised I was until Fury shouted at us a few weeks ago.

“I should’ve told you about your parents. I didn’t because I was selfish and because I couldn’t bear to see you hurt or for you to think badly of my… brother. Probably waking up and realizing I’d lost my whole pack and my mom… I probably should have worked out my issues, but I was too stubborn and I ignored it. I let it grow into this… this rage that I shouldn’t have ended up directing at you, but I did.

“I’m so sorry, Tony,” Steve looks at Tony’s face again, “For Siberia, for Vienna, for Romania, and for lying to you. What I said in that letter… it was a– dick move? I think that’s what Sam calls it– and my mom raised me to be better than that. I guess I just didn’t want to lose you. I see now that I’ve disappointed her, you, and the team.” Steve laughs harshly. “If she could see what I’ve done… man, I think she’d slap me silly.” 

Tony stays quiet. 

“I wasn’t lying, though. I meant what I said. That’d we come if you needed us. Did you… do you still have the phone?”

“No,” Tony murmurs. He could elaborate, he could just tell Steve that it’s rotting and compiling dust in his desk drawer where he left it, but he doesn’t. Steve’s hurt him too much to be privvy to any sort of candor Tony has left. 

Steve just gazes at his feet, looking smaller than Tony’s ever seen him before. It’s strangely empowering to know that he can guilt-trip Rogers. It also makes him ache. He doesn’t understand why Steve cares so much about what he did, he didn’t care at the time, and it’s not like they’re together. So, why? Why is Steve begging for his forgiveness? 

“What are you doing, Steve?” Tony asks wearily. 

“What? I’m– I’m apologizing, of course, I mean– what do you think I’m doing, Tony?”

“What do you want?”

“What–?”

Tony looks at him pointedly. He’s sick and tired of all the bullshit. “Don’t bullshit me, Rogers. Is this about the money or the toys or the weapons?”

“Don’t–” Steve looks stricken, like he can’t believe Tony’s said those words to him again. “Toys? Money? Tony, I don’t care about  _ any _ of that, I–”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Steven Grant Rogers. I saw how everyone looked at me in there. I saw and  _ heard _ just what the team thought of me when I went to go talk to Sam in the Raft. So much for being part of the team, right? Who was I kidding, though? I was never part of the team.” Tony laughs in a self-depreciating manner and Steve finds he doesn’t like it.

He likes it even less that he was responsible for it. “Tony–”

“Get out.” 

“Tony, wait, just let me–”

“Get. Out.” 

“I’m trying to explain–”

“Get out!” Tony picks up his pillow and throws it at the supersoldier’s stupid face. “GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT  _ GET OUT _ !” He yells and starts throwing harder things. 

Steve goes. Tony’s heart goes with him. 

The mechanic folds over on himself and leans in to his hands. He cries for a long time. He’s laying on his side when a nurse comes in and notices he’s not asleep. If she sees the tear tracks on his face, his red eyes, or the bruises under them, she doesn’t say. She just smiles with empathy and asks if he would like a mild sedative. He almost breaks down and begs for it, but he doesn’t. It’s a near thing, too. The nurse leaves.

Tony falls asleep pleading with his heart to let go of Steve. He can’t take this anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] a demi is a character who has characteristics of more than one designation. Jacey, in this case, is a beta with femalpha characteristics. i.e. she sort of smells like an alpha (pheromones) and she has an alphan presence (commanding, leader, badass, etc)
> 
> you see what i'm sorry for yet? no?
> 
> *winces* next chapter is worse... prepare them feels everyone.


	7. Ghost In This House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm just a ghost in this house,  
> I'm shadow upon these walls,  
> As quietly as a mouse,  
> I haunt these halls,  
> I'm just a whisper of smoke,  
> I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire,  
> That once burned out of control,  
> You took my body and soul,  
> I'm just a ghost in this house"
> 
> \- Ghost In This House, Alison Krauss and Union Station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah. hahaha. haha. *builds fortress with really tall walls and a nice defense system* wat chu guys think of my castle? yeah? pretty awesome, huh? I'm not-- I'm not hiding, no, of coURSE not. that'd be... hah... that'd mean i'd done something-- *winces* I just-- *shifty eyes* okay I'm so sorry about this *hands reader a cookie and tissue box* *hides behind walls*
> 
> CAUTION: *cough cough* CHARACTER WHUMP, UNHEALTHY AMOUNTS OF ANGST AND FEELS, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME OR YOUR POOR INNOCENT MOBILE DEVICES AND/OR LAPTOPS/DESKTOPS

 Tony spends a week in that infirmary where the doctors did their best to get his pneumonia flare-up under control. They also do a few ultrasounds to check on the baby, though the doctor had surprised him by telling him that it wasn’t just one baby in there.

Twins.

God, what even…? Tony had asked every doctor about his so-called infertility at least three times because he was still in shock. Luckily, Jacey is sitting with him during one of these times.

“I didn’t know you’d always been infertile, Tony,” she says with no small amount of surprise.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “it’s been like that since I got my first check up during puberty and my first heat was… more difficult than it should have been.”

“Hmm…” Jacey gets a thoughtful look on her face, “You know, I think I remeber back in one of my college classes there was a case study going on. I think it had to do with similar situations to yours right now.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah,” she nods, “if I’m recalling correctly, I think the end-result was that due to a stressful environment or being around someone who was not pack or family during the crucial developmental stages of puberty, that for some reason a hormone releases and essentially makes you dynamic-null. So: no heats, no scents, stunted growth and development, prone to outbursts - usually of the thrill-seeking or rebellious variety - , difficulty bonding with others, and little to no satisfaction from sexual activities.”

“Well, Mrs. Kirk, I don’t think you’ve remembered it at all. That all sounds very far-fetched,” Tony rolls his eyes and grins sarcastically.

Jacey rolls her eyes right back and swats at him. “So ungrateful,” she singsongs playfully.

“But I mean I was with my family during puberty,” he enquires seriously.

“I don’t know, Tony. I think the study said something about your biology or hind-brain perceiving some kind of threat nearby, and thinking that the only way to stay safe was to be hidden dynamically speaking? It was usually an alpha male or a beta male that were the threats. Was there someone around a lot that fits that profile, Tony?”

Tony immediately thinks of Obadiah. God, he’d been so blind. His own… his own _body_ had tried to warn him of the danger and he’s been too distracted until his _thirties_ before he even bothered paying attention to it. Well, he’d definitely learned that lesson the hard way, hadn’t he?

“Stane,” he whispers.

Jacey grinds her teeth and looks furious. “Dammit.” Then her eyes go wide and she looks as though some puzzle pieces have slotted in to place. “Tony, after he died did you experience something that might have been a heat but was too minor– maybe a low-grade fever and more of a sexual appetite?”

Tony frowns, his brow furrowed, “How did you–”

“Shit. Shit. Okay, Tony, you were with Pepper, then, right?”

“Yes?” Where was she going with this?

“And you suddenly needed to use heat-suppressors and scent-blockers again, right? I’m sure Pepper mentioned a potent smell?”

“Again, you’re creeping me out. How did–”

“Despite the fact that after you finished puberty you only had very, very minor heats? Maybe a day or two of being erect, sweaty, and feverish? Despite the fact that you’d never really smelled like much of anything your whole life? Especially during and right after Afghanistan when your body went on permament ‘hide-mode’? Then, as soon as Stane dies you get a heat?”

“... What are you trying to say, Jacey?”

“Tony– oh my God– I should have realized! Tony, how deep was your dating-bond with Pepper?”

“Um, I don’t know?” Tony is thoroughly perplexed now.

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly did you want to jump her bones?”

“Uh, like a… two? Three, maybe?” Tony scrubs his face, “I don’t get–”

“Tony,” her voice goes very quiet and sober, “what was that number when you were with Steve?”

Tony flinches. “...10…” he mumbles.

“Shit,” she says again, “shit.”

“What?” He’s tensing up because he thinks she’s probably figured it out–

“Tones,” she murmurs softly and gently, “when were you going to tell me you had bonded with Steve?”

He freezes. He looks over to her and clasps and unclasps his hands in his lap. He closes his eyes and droops.

“Oh, Tony. Did you know you have Ella’s Syndrome?”

“Who’s Ella?” He grumbles.

“She was an omega, just like you, who had difficulty bonding to a partner, sexual or relationship wise. In fact, her case was so severe that she couldn’t bear to be with anyone sexually and her relationships often ended quickly. She had one small pack of friends that she bonded with, as well as with the three members of her family pack. It wasn’t until later in her life, when she came across who would be her future husband, that she bonded with him. They have a scale for bonds, Tony, did you know that? She only bonded that deeply one time, with one person. They call that a soul bond, Tony.”

The engineer stiffens. “Soulmates are a fantasy,” he argues.

“No, they’re just incredibly rare and incredibly sought-after. It is the most revered bond we have in society, Tony. Even back during the early days of all this, when everything was new, and all the social hardships tore our country apart, the one thing that everyone respected was the soul bond. It didn’t matter who had it or who with, just that they got to experience it.

“Ella lived during that time, and she was one of the few to document her experience. She died some time after World War 2, I believe. It was reported that her husband, Tom, died days after her due to a broken heart and a broken bond. The syndrome was named after her, then, on the wishes of her family.”   

“... I may have looked it up when I felt Steve fall from the helicarrier.”

Jacey just looks sad at the revelation. “Oh, Tony,” she breathes, “I’m so sorry.”

“The symptoms aren’t as obvious in the pairing’s counterpart,” he says finally, “usually only omegas and female betas experience the syndrome’s worsrt symptoms. In alphas, it presents as them being ‘picky’ or waiting a long time for the right partner to come along.”

“Yeah,” Jacey nods.

“Steve doesn’t know,” Tony starts to say.

“No,” she says, “he doesn’t, does he? He just thought it was a regular ol’ bond.”

“He tried to break it,” his hushed voice cracks.

Jacey tries not to become murderous. “He did. You would have died if he’d managed it.”

“I know.” Tony clenches his hands into fists. “How do I… How do I make it stop, Jacey?” His eyes are watery when he meets her gaze.

“I don’t know, sugar, I don’t know. But, we can try. I’m going to help you through this, Tones, I swear it.” Her voice is solemn and soothing all at once. Tony wishes he loved her instead.

“I love you, Jay.” His smile wavers, but she wraps him in her arms anyways. Her hugs are always the best. They’re warm and soft and make him feel safe and cared for. Yeah, her hugs are addicting.

“I love you too, Tony.” She then looks down at his small, non-descript baby bump and pets it lovingly. “These twins are gonna have the best mom in the world, and the best aunts and uncles, too. They’re going to be so happy, you’ll see, Tony. You’ll be amazing at it. Hell, you’re amazing now.”

Tony laughs genuinely and it makes him feel lighter. “Careful, you might swell up my head.”

She grins back, “Nah. I think you need the boost. You’re a little short, after all.”

“Hey!” He squawks indignantly.

The two just lean back and laugh and giggle ridiculously.

Tony’s really been saved by her so many times, he doesn’t know how he’d ever pay her back. He’d even asked her once, and she’d just gotten this look on her face that was something almost sad, fond, and determined all at once. She’d said: _“Your friendship is reward enough for me, Tony.”_ He’d almost cried right there until she smiled that one smile that looks like the sun. He could only smile back and promise himself that he’d never let anything bad happen to her.

 

*******

 

The doctors have finally given him the all-clear to sign out. He would’ve signed out sooner, but Jacey is very persuasive at getting him to follow doctor’s orders. Cho and Bruce would be so jealous. He’d also just had another ultrasound and he’d found out that the babies were doing fine, he was approximately three months along, and –as he expected– he’d need to go on bed-rest in three months from now. As it was, the doctors told him it would be wise to take things very easy, to not bend over, and to not lift things over ten pounds. He sighed. He was going to be _so_ incredibly bored in the remaining portion of his second quadmester and his final trimester.

He was walking down the hallway, and looked out the window. He had to stop for a moment to catch his breath because, God, was it _beautiful_. Tall trees, waterfalls, grass so green it was almost flourescent, and stunning wildlife and plantlife. It was absolutely marvelous. Tony could stand here and look at it all day.

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”

Tony spins around and holds a hand to his chest, “Jesus, Natasha! Heart condition, remember?”

She gives a small, apologetic smile and comes to stand beside him. “I am sorry, you know. For… for leaving you like I did. I should’ve known better.”

Tony grins wryly, “You? Apologize? That’s almost as shocking as you agreeing with me.”

“Can it, Stark,” she smiles.

“Besides,” Tony stiffens, “I did call you a double agent. I should apologize.”

“Well,” she nods, “you did do that. But, you were trying to get me to leave, weren’t you? You pissed me off, and it did work. I guess I’m trying to say– thanks, Tony.”  

Tony’s eyes crinkle. “Anything for you, Tash.”

They share a nudge of arms and go back to looking at the view.

“You know,” Natasha begins, “T’Challa is rallying all of his warriors and anyone fighting fit. The… others… are going to assemble to give Wakanda a hand. T’Challa is really grateful for your warning. Without you, he wouldn’t have known until it was too late. The pirates, looters, and whoever else is attacking are being driven away from the coast as we speak. We couldn’t have done it without you, Tony.” She gives him a pat on the shoulder and looks away awkwardly.

She never was good at affection, but then neither was he.

“I’m leaving today, Tash.”

She doesn’t look surprised.

“You can come with me, you know,” he suggests.

“No… I’m needed here, but thanks. You could stay too.” For a second, Tony almost thinks she regrets not taking him up on it.

“No,” Tony shakes his head, “I’m… I’m going to retire, I think.”

She spins to look at him and, this time, she is very shocked. “What? I didn’t think you could stay away from all the adrenaline and the… ‘parties’.”

Tony laughs, “Well, I thought for a while that I’d never be able to leave this behind, but now…” He glances down at his belly, “...I think it would be better if I weren’t involved.”

Natasha’s surprise seems to increase. She hadn’t missed the glance he’d made. “How mature of you,” she manages through something that feels like a frog in her throat and knives in her chest.

He shrugs, “It’s not like I’ve made things any better. I made them worse, actually.”

“Tony,” Black Widow reprimands, “you are not to blame for all of this.”

“Who is, then? I pushed The Accords didn’t I?”

“Maybe, but we both knew what would have come if we didn’t. You made sure that the worst wouldn’t happen, Tony, _you_ did that. Steve is the one who blew it all to hell.”

“It takes two to tango.” Tony sticks his hands in his pockets and resolutely doesn’t meet her eyes.

“Tony,” she admonishes, “you’re being ridiculous.”

The engineer doesn’t answer. He sighs heavily and rubs his stomach. “I wish I could do it all over.”

Natasha frowns and watches him. “Stark. You were emotionally compromised. That you managed to function at all is something even the highest trained agents struggle with. You should be proud.”

“Well, I’m not. I’d almost convinced him, did you know that? Until I had to put my foot in my mouth _again_.”

“Rogers is a big boy, Stark, he makes his own decisions. Plus, he’s a hot-head. You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s personality flaws.”

Tony raises an eyebrow, “What’s this? You don’t think the good Captain is Mr. Perfect?”

She looks offended. “No, not at all. Do you know how many orders he broke while in the Army? He’s not used to any form of a chain of command that he wasn’t the lead of. He needs–has always needed–another perspective to get his head out of his ass. That’s why he and Barnes were such a great team. That’s why _you_ and Rogers were such a great team.”

“Were,” Tony repeats with an empty gaze.

“...He would’ve seen it, too, if he wasn’t so busy being stuck in the past to look ahead to the future.”

“Damn, Romanoff, what’d he do to you to piss you off so bad?” Tony tries to make his tone lighter; to make the whole situation lighter. Really, to avoid this conversation in general. He can see, though, in the grim set of her mouth and the tension in her shoulders that she knows what he’s doing.

“Tony…”

He shakes his head. “No. I’m. I’m _fine_ .” He runs his fingers through his hair and shrugs. “Really. Everyone can stop pretending to worry about me, okay, because I am _fine_.”

“You’re not, though, are you? You definitely weren’t when Ross confronted us, and you definitely aren’t now. Give me some credit, alright?”

“... I knew…” Tony murmurs with his eyes downcast and looking so lost and _helpless_.

Natasha is just as powerless to help him.

“I knew that this–” he waves a hand through the air in some gesture “–this was always going to become something that divided us. I knew Steve wouldn’t–won’t–back down from his ideals. That he wouldn’t compromise his own beliefs or think past his stubborn mindset to see beyond–” he makes another obscure gesture “–instead, he fought me. He fought all of us and made it into something I don’t even know if we can come back from it. He can’t choose his battles. He doesn’t know when _not_ to, and really that’s the whole problem here, isn’t it?” If Steve had been willing to maintain a cool head and think through strategy like he’s so damn good at, then maybe he would have listened. But he’d been blinded by Bucky’s involvement and Ross’s eagerness to detain the Winter Soldier.

Tony sighs again, and purses his lips. “And, the problem is that I didn’t want to make him choose.” No, that’s not right. He’s a futurist, after all. He didn’t want Steve to choose because he knew what Steve would choose. Or, rather, _who_. He couldn’t do that to himself. He wouldn’t. His self-preservation instincts may be practically non-existant, but he did have them.

Natasha is silent by his side and says nothing for a long time. He knows she probably heard what he’d really meant. She closes her eyes and opens her mouth.

“Tony,” a new voice calls, “there you are.”

The moment lost, Tony smiles sadly and lets it drop. He look at the new arrival.

“Captain,” he greets. His voice is polite, but it’s sharp, too. Distant and cold.

“I… I wanted to talk to you.” Rogers sees Natasha, “I hope I didn’t interrupt…?”

“No,” Tony says before Natasha can get a word in, and she glares. “We were just finishing.”

“Oh. Okay, if you’re sure. Could we speak privately?”

Tony’s hackles rise and he stiffens. His mouth presses into a thin line and he plasters his paparazzi smile onto his face. “Sure thing.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s an empty room they end up in. Probably for guests, if Tony had to guess, but he’s not too worried about the space as he is about the man in front of him.

“What’s this about, Captain?” Tony gets right down to business because he doesn’t want to be here any longer than he has to.

“I just– Clint suggested that we try to… talk things through.”

“Clint?” Wow, today is just stock full of surprises. It must be a Wednesday.

“Yeah. He… no, he said he’d talk to you later, but anyways… he told me that when he and Laura fight– when he gets _really_ angry at her or vice versa that they just sit down face to face. He said sometimes they just yell at each other for hours, but other times they talk or stare and–” Steve flushes bright red “–‘kiss and make up’.”

Tony holds back a sob. Once, he might have teased Steve. Once, he might have seduced him with a couple of breaths against sensitive flesh. Once, he might have smirked and flirted and talked dirty, filthy things that made Steve blush even brighter. Once, he might have chased that blush until Steve was easily coerced into doing… more fun things. Once. Not anymore. Maybe not ever again.

Tony just bites his lip and tries to compartmentalize his emotions and traitorous heart– because, _oh_ , how easy it would be. How _easy_ it would be to give in and to let Steve rock his world all over again. To let Steve make Tony lose his mind in toe-curling pleasure.

He wants to. God, he wants to so _badly_ , and it wrecks him.

“Steve,” he chokes out instead, “what are you saying?”

Steve wrings his hands and looks embarrassed. “I. I liked… I liked what we had. I just wanted you to know that. I thought– well, I don’t think I ever said it, and you were never… you were never just a rut partner to me, Tony. You were so much _more_ , and I was too stupid to see it. So, I wanted to tell you, in case you didn’t know. But, it’s true. I– I know I haven’t really proven it lately, but I thought I should tell you that I do care about you.”

Tony’s heart twists and his head is spinning. No. Steve can’t– Steve can’t do this to him. No. It takes everything Tony has to not start sobbing right there. It’s almost too good to be true.

“I’m not– I’m not saying this to manipulate you, or anything. I just. I didn’t want it to go unsaid. I… I waited too long, back then, and I lost everything. I didn’t want… I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Steve–”

“I am sorry. I know… I know it’s not much, but I just. I never wanted this to happen, you know? I’d… there’s lots I could’ve done differently, but I can’t change the past–”

Tony is suddenly not sad anymore, now he’s angry. He’s so, so angry. He just wants to hurt Steve back. He wants petty revenge and he wants to scream and to let Steve know the kind of pain Steve gave him. So, he shouts.

“Oh, you never wanted this to happen, did you?! Then why did you let it, Steve?! Tell me that! And, _goddammit_ , don’t lie to me! You owe me that much, at least!”

Steve doesn’t react the way Tony thinks he would. Steve’s kicked puppy routine had been convincing; a truly Oscar-worthy performance. Steve’s temper snaps, and he yells back. “Lie to you?” He snarls, “You mean like you lied to me? About Ultron? About The Accords?”

Tony’s eyes narrow and he is so done with this shit, “You lied to me first, Rogers! You knew what happened before all this happened, and you didn’t say a goddamn word! All this could’ve been avoided,” Tony’s voice raises, “if you’d stopped to consider how someone else felt! How _I_ felt!”

They’re both going for blows, both aiming to hurt, but Steve wins again. “I’m not the self-centered one here,” Rogers growls.

Tony shuts down. His face shutters closed and his eyes go foggy. “Me, huh. Even after all this time, that’s still what you think of me? After _four_ years of being on the same team and trusting each other with our lives, I’m still nothing but a man pretending to be hero?” Tony’s voice is low and soft.

Steve knows he’s fucked up. “Wait, no, Tony, that’s not what I meant–”

“Could’ve fooled me, Cap. I see now you never considered me your friend. Fine. Goodbye, Steve,” he replies flatly and turns to leave.

He’s at the door when the rumbling starts. He hears it before he feels it. “No,” he whispers, “not again.”

The door blasts open and Tony flies into the opposite wall with a hard thud. He doesn’t get up.

More blasts follow; more bombs. The windows shatter inwards and cover Steve in shards of glass and dust. He blinks and coughs.

“Tony,” he calls out, “Tony?” He looks around and spies the engineer on his stomach on the floor. He’s bleeding from a gash on his forehead and his eyes are shut.

A crackling sound comes from above and Steve doesn’t hesitate before throwing himself over Tony’s limp body.

 

*******

 

Steve wakes covered in rubble with a massive headache and probably a broken arm and leg. He moves the chunk of ceiling that tried to flatten him off, and slowly extricates his aching limbs from Tony’s. That’s when he sees the piece of metal protruding through Tony’s left leg. He’s bleeding profusely.

Steve’s heart hammers in his chest because this is all sort of not good. He’s got to wake Tony.

“Tony,” he breathes, “Tony, wake up.”

After a few gentle proddings, the genius opens his eyes.

“Thank God, I was so worried. Are– are you alright?”

Tony looks down at his leg and feels sick. He hurts everywhere. Oh God. No. Please No. “Where… where am I bleeding, Steve?”

“Your leg and forehead, mostly. I don’t… I don’t know what else is broken–”

“Mm… ok.”

“Tony?” Steve looks alarmed. “Tony, no, stay with me.”

“Steve… I… I… will… will you kiss me? For old times’ sake?”

The captain finds the request strange, but if it’ll help keep Tony awake and aware he’d do anything. “Sure, Shellhead.”

Tony smiles weakly.

Steve leans down and presses his lips against his former lover’s. “There.”

Tony chuckles and blinks away tears. He’s going to regret giving in to that moment of weakness later. If there is a later. He can feel his body going into shock and he knows that with this much blood still pumping out, he’s probably hit a major artery. He is bleeding out.

He gulps and tries not to think about his leg or Steve. He fixes his eyes overhead and counts slowly.

He thinks of all the people he’s met and their smiling faces. He thinks of his little Avengers family that ended up just as well as his biological one. He thinks what the two babies he’d have would grow up to look like… if he’d have to grow used to Steve’s face on of them.

Life would do that to him. It liked roughing him up a bit, sending him through a nasty tornado and hoping to see if he’d come out in one piece on the other side. Sometimes he did. Sometimes… well, he’d come out.

Tony’s a futurist, so his thoughts drift to him forgiving the Avengers, and isn’t that a kicker because that feeling–knowing how easily he’d forgive them–sends a bitter, sour emotion racing through his veins that he can’t even begin to describe. He huffs out a pathetic breath of a laugh that sounds more like a wheeze. He knows that the only way this all would’ve turned out is with Tony forgiving them. He would’ve let them all back in eventually, let them live in the Tower he’d built just for them, and let them take over the Common Room and drag him away from his workshop so they could watch everything from Fight Club to the Princess Bride, and he wants that in a way. He wants to be able to forgive them and to make this all go away, but he can’t. Not yet.

It’s fitting life would choose to deal him a hand like this. If this were poker, he’d be bluffing. He can’t do that anymore. Maybe this will be the one that he doesn’t come back from. The one where he and Steve are finally getting somewhere even if they’re biting each other’s heads off to do it. The one where his former teammates have realized their mistakes and come to apologize one by one. The one where he takes Peter on as a protege because the kid needs guidance, but will probably be alright. The kid’s got such a big, bleeding heart. He’ll– he’ll be fine without Tony. They all will be. He’s made sure of it.

“Steve,” and his voice is so soft and it’s a struggle to get the words to form, “I– did you read–?” He doesn’t have the energy to ask more.

Steve’s eyes are going a little wild, and Tony knows he’s probably going to go on a rampage sooner than later, but he focuses on Tony’s face and answers the best he can. “Y-yeah. We all did. Tony, we all signed. Tony I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell– I don’t–”

“It’s ‘kay… ‘Eve… it’s. We nee’d to figh’, I think. I– Steve… if the,” Tony’s breath stutters and he just needs to say these two last things; he needs more time, “if the medics ge’ h’re… tell ‘em… tell ‘em I… that I. That ‘m pregnant, Steve. Ca’ you… ca’ you do tha’ for me?”

Steve goes stock still instantly. His eyes go big and round with shock, and he leans down to scent Tony’s neck glands. By the way the blond recoils, Tony knows the blockers are doing fuck all to mask his scent. “S- _Surprise_ ,” Tony tries with mock cheer.

Horror is next all over Steve’s face. “Oh, God. Oh, God, no. Please, Tony, tell me… tell me I… that this is new.”

“...’m four months pregnant, C-Cap. Y-you do the m-math.”

“No.” The supersoldier looks defeated and filled with self-hate. Tony doesn’t have it in him to preen.

“N-neither of us knew, then, Cap.” Tony can definitely feel his body start to shut down. He’s getting light-headed and he’s freezing.

Tony must black out for a few seconds because when he blinks open his eyes again, his nerves are shot and he can’t feel much. He can’t smell either, and his vision is getting blurry with grey and the edges are black. He’s running out of time. Steve is saying something, but it’s sounds so far away…

Tony takes a deep, rattling breath and mumbles, “Pietro… is… in Korea...not… dead… tell… W-Wanda, ‘kay?”

Steve’s features twist with impossible agony and grief. “Don’t leave me, I need to make this right. Don’t leave. Stay. Stay.” The rest of what he says drowns out into white noise.

Tony’s eyes lose focus and he can no longer see. He can hear Steve sobbing next to him, somewhere saying everything’s Tony’s ever wanted him to say.  

And he has always been dealt a bad hand, but he tries to make the most of what he’s given and suffers from what he can’t. He'd wanted something more from Steve, had wanted a reason not to trust him because he was afraid-- he hadn't been expecting to be proven right --, and he had wanted a family. Now, his family is in pieces and he's in danger of losing the one on the way.

The lights flicker. Tony shuts his eyes and breathes out.

He doesn't want to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peaks over wall* so... uh... so what'd you think? *ducks incoming projectile items* okay. so. just. if it's any consolation I ripped my own heart out too, so. um, at least it was long?
> 
> i still squee and freak out from comments. tell me all your feels!


	8. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ['Cause I'm not here to fight  
> About who's wrong or right  
> I just want your kiss  
> I wanna feel just like this  
> One last time, one last time
> 
> Your breath on my neck  
> I don't wanna forget the smell of your skin  
> Touch me again  
> One last time]
> 
> ~ One Last Time, by Kellie Pickler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> urgh this is late i'm sorry. life is... ugh. my mojo has... erm well it decided it needed a little vacay so idk when the next update is gonna be. my muse is unpredictable. buuuuuut hopefully next-ish month? your comments inspire me as always! they make me think about my fic and what it still needs and then i get IDEAS and then you get chapters hahaha. I LOVE COMMENTS SO MUCH HAHAHAHA
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR BEING SO PATIENT

There are flowers when he wakes. There’s no card and the nurses won’t tell him anything except that, “No, Mr. Stark, you are on strict bedrest. You are not allowed out of this bed.” He thinks they probably get a kick out of it because they always smile these secret little smiles when he tries to ask who the sender is.

All the Avengers have visited him since he’s awoken from… well, he guesses it would be apt to call it a coma. He was surprised when they visited. He was even _more_ surprised when they _apologized._ He probably gaped at them for a good half hour before he saw sense and snapped his jaw shut. That, and usually the apologies took that long.

He should probably be angry that it took him almost dying, but he can’t find it in his weary heart to care right now. He doesn’t forgive them. He wont– he can’t. Not yet. Probably not for a very long time.

It kills him, though, because he wants to. He wants to forgive them, but… maybe this once it’s all right if he’s selfish. If he’s more petty and stubborn and cross than he normally would be. He just doesn’t want to be hurt anymore.

The babies are fine, he breathes when air catches in his chest. That’s all he’s got to concern himself with right now. The babies. His beautiful, beautiful babies that are just fine and won’t be leaving him anytime soon. Well, sooner than he’d like because twins always were born earlier than singleton babies. Tony sighed. So, his pregnancy would likely end at about ten months, maybe 9, if the pregnancy articles he’d been reading held any weight to them. Unfortunately, that means he’s likely to go on bedrest next month or at the end of this one. It sucks. He groans and screws his eyes shut. Really, this is the last thing he’d expected to happen. Damn supersoldier serum _super_ -ing things it really had no business amping up.

Another nurse came in and told him it was time for another ultrasound. Tony nodded, and if the nurse noticed him flinch everytime the nurse did something with tools, well, he didn’t say anything.

“Lucky for you, Mr. Stark, but I’m an obstetrician, and I can actually tell you what I see when I see it. No unneccessary anxiety for the patient who just came out of a coma, no siree.”

Despite his fears, he smiled. “That’s… reassuring.”

The doctor–not nurse–smiles back. “I would hope so! They don’t drag me out of bed for nothin’ these days, ya know!”

Tony blinks. “Are you from Texas?”

He laughs, “Yeah. My mom… well, my mom loved it, but I wanted adventure.” He looks at Tony as if he probably knows what the doctor’s talking about.

“Yeah,” the omega says, “I can get behind that.”

“Yep. Still have loans, believe it or not. I probably wouldn’t if I hadn’t wanted adventure so much, but I can’t really regret it, ya know. I loved my travels.” There’s something oddly wistful about his voice.

“You haven’t recently?” The gel is cold when he rubs it in, but Tony is calm; his nerves quiet. It’s a nice reprieve.

“No,” a sad note in his eyes that’s gone in a flash, “I– well. Things came up, I s’pose. I haven’t had much time lately.”

“A husband? Wife?” Tony asks.

The doctor looks mildly surprised, and then heartbroken. “My husband was a soldier,” he murmurs and starts rolling the wand thing across his belly.

Tony hears what he doesn’t say, though. “I’m so sorry for your loss. How recent…?”

“... Not long. I– he was due back home– his term was up last week. I– well, a broken bond is… unpleasant. I apologize.”

“What branch?” Because Tony’s always been curious and not always the most tactful.

“Air Force. He… there was an explosion at the base they were at… and they just up and vanished about a month ago. There isn’t any trace,” the doctor’s voice as gone hollow as if he’s repeating what he’s been told. Tony can only imagine, and he doesn’t want to imagine that kind of pain and suffering.

“How deep is the bond?” Tony asks gently because he understands.

“It… it was an ula kui bond.”

“Jesus,” Tony gasps, “and you’re at _work?”_

“I told you,” the doctor smiles wryly, “they don’t get me out of bed for just anyone.”

“I’m so sorry for– how awful it must be. My best friend– he– I’ve known him for twenty years and I– I get it. It. It’s not easy, right?”

The doctor doesn’t answer and instead looks at the monitor where these two blobs have appeared that look a lot like babies. He’ll never get used to seeing them. His own beautiful babies.

“Oh, well how about that.”

“What? Is there something wrong?” Panic seeps into his voice and Tony literally can’t handle the stress right now.

“No, no.” The doctor grins broadly, “Would you like to know your babies’ sexes?”

“Yes,” he says without a second thought, “please.”

“Congratulations, Mr. Stark, you’re having a boy and a girl, and they’re both quite healthy all things considered. Those stem cells the fet– the babies sent you really worked wonders for your recovery.”

“Mm,” he wants to rub his stomach and try and feel his babies. He knows he probably won’t for a while longer, but it’s comforting.

“Mr. Stark, I should warn you of the upcoming complications–”

“I know about ‘em,” he waves a hand.

“Then I don’t have to tell you that your bed-rest begins at the end of your next month.”

“End?” This shocks Tony because he'd expected to be put on bed-rest immediately. 

“Yeah, the PTs want to rehabilate you to make sure there isn’t any lasting damage to your nerves or limbs. You’ll still be on bedrest, but it’ll be very lenient and you’ll be allowed to roam with supervision– just in case. Of course, you are free to leave as soon as the physician clears it.”

“Who’s–”

“I am, of course,” Cho’s familiar accent pipes up from the door.

“Helen!” Tony chirps happily, his scent immediately going sweeter from the presence of a trusted “pack member”.

“You look good, Tony, for just having a building fall on you.”

“It messed with the wrong man.”

Helen chortles. “It sure did. The flowers are pretty,” she mentions offhandedly.

“Yeah. I– the nurses won’t tell me who they’re from.” And Tony sounds so petulant and whiny with his lip stuck out in a pout and everything that Helen can’t help but giggle until her sides hurt.  

“You are ridiculously silly,” she says.

“Also sadistic. I think he enjoys giving me high blood pressure,” Rhodey says from the door.

“Aw, Rhodey-pie, it’s only because you’re a masochist,” Tony teases.

Rhodey lifts a shoulder and rolls his eyes. “Sure, Tony.”

 

*******

 

Natasha is decidedly very unhappy with a lot of people right now. Namely, Steve. Also Clint. She’d handed her burner phone over to a terrified archer who could hear his wife yelling from two feet away. Damn fool better be sorry, and Natasha always kind of secretly enjoyed it when Laura tore Clint a new one. It was amusing and plus she seemed to be the only one who could screw that man-child’s head on straight besides Phil Coulson and, occasionally, herself.

This time, however, she was sure Laura’s brand of whoop-ass would be the only effective remedy. She’d been right. Now, she hadn’t _eavesdropped_ per se, but it was quite difficult not to overhear a woman with very powerful vocal cords screaming at her rogue husband when Natasha shared the room right next door. Some might say she could have left her little room and gone… elsewhere, but Natasha had always had a curious nature that Tony would probably call her a gossipping old lady for. So, naturally, she couldn’t help but choose to stay.

Tony.

Natasha’s heart ached for her friend. Well, she wasn’t so sure she was lucky enough to be counted amongst the billionaire’s friends anymore, but one could hope. And even if Tony didn’t consider her to be his friend, she would always consider him to be _hers_.

She started noticing the flowers–no, bouquets–that showed up in Tony’s hospital room the first week there’d been more than two bouquets in there at the same time. Then, she researched the flower language and began to heavily suspect Tony’s anonymous sender. Some flowers were asking for forgiveness, other were to get well, and some said that Tony was cherished or precious.

She is understandably angry, so she goes to the gym where she knows Rogers will be. He’s beating up a punching bag when she arrives. She pauses and watches for a moment. It’s clear that he’s not at all paying attention or trying to better his skills. He’s taking out all of his frustration on the object and that’s all.

“I figured you’d be here,” she calls out.

Steve freezes and nearly gets hit in the face with the bag when he whips his head around to gape at her.

“I– Natasha, I didn’t hear you come in.” He stills the bag and waits for her to say something.

“Well, you were busy. I understand. Listen, Rogers, I want to know what the hell it is you think you’re trying to pull here.”

“What? What are you talking about? I’m exercising–” He looks spectacularly confused.

“Not about this. About _Tony_.” She folds her arms and leans against the wall with a raised, and very unimpressed, eyebrow.

“I fucked up.” He says simply.

Natasha reels because Rogers does not _curse_ and he certainly doesn’t use the word “fuck”. Steve’s lips quirk up at her surprise, but he doesn’t say anything. He just turns his head and looks down in shame.

“I… I admit that I was wrong, on all accounts. I should not have done what I did. I– no. There is no excuse for my actions. I will, and I am, taking full responsibility for the consequences.”

Natasha had every intention of kicking this asshole into the _next_ century, but well… she can see there’s no point. “It is unfortunate that it took you this long to consider my advice,” she murmurs.

Steve’s mouth twists into a self-depreciating and wry grin. “Yeah. I did make it all worse, didn’t I?”

The Black Widow tenses and purses her lips. “I hate to say ‘I told you so’…”  

Rogers’s frowns and wrinkles his forehead. “You sound like Tony.”

She shrugs, “He’s _my_ friend.”

Steve recoils like he’s been punched, and he winces. “I– I deserved that.”

They fall into an awkward and uncomfortable silence for a while before Natasha says anything again.

“When he wakes up, Steve, you need to tell him.”

Steve frowns, puzzled, and opens his mouth to ask–

“Everything. All of it. How you came to find out, _when_ you found out. Why you didn’t say anything to him for _years_ . Why you decided to be a hypocrite when Tony was spiralling with Ultron. You know just as well as I do that Tony is a _hero_ , and I want you to tell him why you think he is one. I want you to apologize for every wrong you’ve done or said, Steven Grant Rogers, or so help me I will not hesitate to maim you.

“And,” she glares, “I want you to _listen_ to every goddamn word he says. Then, I want you to _think_ about what he’s _not_ saying. I want you to listen for what he _means_ instead of what he’s saying, Captain, do you understand?”

Steve gets that look of resolve and determination in his eyes that makes him a leader. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Natasha smiles dangerously and slinks up behind the supersoldier in the blink of an eye.

Before Steve can process what she’s doing, she’s got a thin, razor-sharp wire around his neck and she’s hissing in his ear, “And if you _ever_ hurt my friend again, you will find out _exactly_ how I got the name Black Widow.”

She loosens the wire and heads for the exit. “You’re getting sloppy, Rogers,” she says to the man behind her.

Steve holds his throat and decides that probably the stupidest thing he’s ever done was to make an enemy out of Natasha Romanoff.

No, he rectifies, the stupidest thing he ever did was pitting his friends against each other. It wasn't Tony who'd broken up the family after all. It was Steve, and he's got a lot to fix before anything will ever be okay again. 

 

*******

_Several Months Ago_

 

_Clint and his family had been packing up for their trip down to the lake when he got the call from Steve._

_“Hey, man, what’s up?” Clint answers and looks a little guiltily at his wife._

“Clint… I… I need help.”

_“With what, Cap?”_

“I found Bucky, but they’re trying to take him out.”

_Clint had figured. In fact, the parallels with his own life from back when he’d saved Natasha are giving him deja vu. Unfortunately, Ross doesn’t run things the way SHIELD or Fury used to. He sighs, “Well, Cap, I’m retired.”_

“I know. I wouldn’t ask if there was anyone else, but Tony– and Natasha– are hunting us.”

_“Natasha–” Clint splutters because that doesn’t sound like the super spy he knows. “Why is Natasha siding with the government?”_

“I don’t know.”

_Well, gee, Cap, didn’t you ask? Is what Clint wants to say, but instead grumbles, “Cap, I’d love to help, really, but my family–”_

“Clint, Tony put Wanda on house arrest.”

_And that’s a low, low blow because Cap knows how guilty he feels about what happened to her twin, and Cap also knows that Clint would do anything to help her out in Pietro’s stead. Still, though, his wife and kids… he doesn’t know if he can do it, even for Cap or Pietro._

_Steve says some other things, but mostly Clint hears the desperation in his voice, and Clint can’t say no after that. So, he tells Laura that he’s sorry, but that Cap needs him. He tells her that he’s just going to have his back for this one mission and then he’ll be back home in a jiffy. He tells the kids he’ll make it up to them, and then he’s packi_ _ng for New York to go rescue Wanda._

 

*******

 

 _“Clint Barton!”_ His wife screeches at him from the other line.

“Yes, dear?” He grimaces.

_“DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN GONE, MISTER?”_

“Yes, ma’am.”

_“Oh, you do? That’s great because here I thought you’d be ‘back in a jiffy’! What’s a ‘jiffy’ to you, Clint? Because MY IDEA OF A JIFFY IS A FEW DAYS NOT A FEW MONTHS!”_

“Laura–”

 _“Don’t you_ Laura _me,_ sweetie _, what the HELL were you thinking?!”_

“Laura, darling, I’m sorry, babe, alright? I know I should have told you–”

_“DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD HAVE!”_

“But, listen, I– Cap needed help and Tony was–”

 _“Clint Barton,”_ his wife goes deadly serious and her voice is a bliazzard of ice and hail, _“if you try to tell me that Tony is in the wrong, I will come down there and beat you with a broom.”_

“Honey,” Clint tries again.

“No _, you listen to me, Barton, do you not have any idea of what Tony has done for us?”_

“What? What do you mean?”

 _“Ross,”_ his wife spits out the name as if it offends her to even speak it, _“found us. He was going to bring us in for ‘questioning’ when Tony intervened. He moved us to a safe house and told Ross he couldn’t use innocent civilians as leverage. Do. You. Understand. What. I. Am. SAYING?”_

“Oh.” He had said all those terrible, ugly things to Stark on the Raft. He had seen the look on Stark’s face; had known that his words were cutting Tony deep.

He owed the man an even bigger apology than the half-assed one he gave earlier.

 _“‘Oh,’”_ his wife mimics, _“you owe him much more than an apology,”_ she growls. _“Sign those damn accords and come back home, you hear me?”_

“Laura, I’m so sorry, honey. I’ll do what I can. I love you.”

Laura hangs up on him and Clint feels so ashamed and guilty. He almost feels as bad as when Loki’s brainwashing had broken. Almost.

 

*******

 

Steve finds Wanda in her quarters. She’s reading a book by the light of a lamp.

“What do you want?” She sighs and closes the book softly.

“Tony told me something… that I think you’re going to want to hear.”

“What is it?” She sounds exhausted.

“Your brother… Pietro is alive.”

Wanda freezes and looks at Steve with distrust and disbelief. “This American jokes is not funny.”

“I’m serious, Wanda, Pietro isn’t dead. I don’t know how he survived, but Tony said he’s in Korea.”

“Stark said? Why has Stark been lying all this time? Why tell me now? Th-this– to not tell me of my brother– I do not understand?”

“Just ask him, Wanda,” Steve sighs out.

So she does. She wouldn’t say she confronts him because she doesn’t, not really. She does kind of just… appear, though, which startles Tony from where he’s tapping away at his StarkPad in the hospital bed.

“Stark,” she says, her voice low and cold.

“Ms. Maximoff,” Tony sets the StarkPad down on his lap, “I guess Steve told you, then?”

Wanda gets angry. “Why did you not tell me? Why did you keep me in ze dark about zis?!”

“It was better for you not to think your brother’s safety depended on where your loyalty was,” Tony replies softly.

“Y-you… what?” Tears fill her eyes.

Stark closes his eyes and folds his hands. “I wanted you to make your own choice. I didn’t want you think that I’d… that I’d hold Pietro against you, so I waited. He’s… he’s still asleep, anyways, and the docs say they’re not sure if he’ll wake up, and I… false hope is... I hoped to spare you if he didn’t–”

“Spare me?” Her eyes go wide in realization and guilt, “If he had died again…I… ”

“I know,” is all he says.

Wanda sits down heavily in a chair. “Thank you,” she whispers miserably.

A corner of Tony’s mouth lifts slightly. “That’s unexpected.”

“I would hafe… I do not zink I would hafe chosen to go with Cap if I knew, but I zink I should hafe known because I was wrong, Tony Stark,” she smiles uneasily, “I see now, that I should not hafe been so… hasty. I– I had a dream, and I did not want it to be true.”

“Yeah. I know all about that,” he grumbles and thinks of the vision she’d given him before Ultron became the result.

“I saw… it does not matter, I guess, but I am sorry, for what it’s worth. I am grateful, Stark.”

“Um. Well. You’re… welcome. I guess.”

She gets up to leave and is nearly at the door and freezes when she turns around and meets Tony’s confused expression. Her own eyes travel down to his navel, and her face morphs into abject terror.

“You– you are–”

Tony tenses and knows he’s probably got a deer-in-the-headlights look, and his heart starts speeding up because _how could she know?_

“I did not know,” she whispers, horrified, “I never would hafe– it is a great _sin_ –”

“Sin? What the hell’re you talkin’ about?”

“For a being to harm one’s u’hoa,” she says as if it’s obvious and he’s got rocks for brains, “is the greatest of all sins.”

“U’hoa?” Tony’s never heard of that one. “Is that like the ula kui?”

“No,” her eyes wide with fear and wonder, “it is much rarer. Stronger. Cofeted (coveted) by many cultures as being magic. It is truly special… but the punishment… the punishment for laying a hand against one’s uhane hoa is to never be allowed the chance to bond. It– how do you not know zis?”

Tony shrugs. “I’ve heard of it, in passing, but I didn’t know the… culture behind it.”

She looks at Tony again. “‘Без рая ... без оазиса ... смерть найдет тебя’ (Bez raya ... bez oazisa ... smert' naydet tebya).” [ _Without paradise… without the oasis… death will find thee.]_

Tony doesn’t catch all that she says. Something about an oasis and death, but whatever. At the very least, he can tell she’s quoting something. “What?”

“Ancient teachings,” she explains, “it was given to many cultures by a good man– a teacher. Stark, why do you not know zis?”

“It was a just a soul bond,” he shrugs.

Her eyes go wide and she gasps, “‘Just’? You knew? You knew… and you still…?”

“He didn’t want it,” Tony says, his eyes going distant.

“Why _not_?” The witch demands.

“I don’t know. No… that’s not right. Well, Ms. Maximoff, I’m sure you can think of a few less than stellar reasons why America’s Sweetheart wouldn’t want the Merchant of Death for a soulmate.” Tony gives a small, self-depreciating smile.

Wanda just looks stunned and like she’s been slapped. “He tried to break it,” she blurts, clarity crossing her face as if she’d just seen it.

Tony purses his lips and looks out the window.

“I… I hafe always dreamt about one day meeting someone who could be my soul-bonded. I am not naive enough to wish for an ula kui, and I definitely did not expect an u’hoa. Any… any of the three is a treasure; a blessing. But, for someone to reject… I do not undestand.”  

Tony’s life has been stock full of rejection, so really, one more comes as no surprise. He hadn’t expected to be soul-bonded either, and especially not to Steve. He’s not sure what Wanda’s talking about with the whole u’hoa thing.

“Anyways, Scarlet, what’s your point? Steve and I aren’t an u’hoa pairing.”

“Men are so blind,” she grumbles. “You should ask Steve what he zinks, Stark, I think you’ll be surprised.”

“I doubt it,” he mutters under his breath as she leaves.

“And, Stark?” She says with her back turned facing the door, “I– I really– thank you. For saving him. I owe you a great debt, and I did you a terrible disservice. I am truly, truly sorry.” She leaves.

Tony is left more confused than he’s been in a long time. He pulls out a StarkPad he’d been hiding underneath the mattress and Googles all those fancy soulmate words she was saying.

U’hoa– origin: uhane hoa, Hawaiian  
[ _oo_ _hoh uh_ ; _oo hah nay hoh uh_ ]  
Noun  
1\. Spiritual companion or soulmate. The highest/deepest level of bond ever recorded in humanity’s history. Exceptionally rare. May develop from a henkō; one in one million chance.

Well. That’s great. Tony continued searching and eventually discovered that an u’hoa pairing could begin the bond process through just a simple touch, such as a handshake or brushing of the fingers. Then he looks up this henkō thing, which, apparently, means that a previous bond has progressed into or become an u’hoa bond, usually from one of the other two types of soul bonds.

Damn. Tony knows they never taught any of this shit in school. And, shockingly, there are _risks_ to being an u’hoa half. Tony knew about the risks ula kui mates faced, so he shouldn’t be that surprised, but honestly… he is. He knows that ula kui mates can have some kind of empathetic communication if they’ve been together long enough, but an u’hoa pairing? Sometimes they can go so far as to nearly develop someting akin to telepathy with each other. The article Tony’s reading also says that in the case of one half dying, the other is 100% certain to follow within _hours_ . It’s less extreme for the ula kui mates, the widowed/widowered half suffers from severe bond withdrawal, depression, anxiety, and sometimes a mental collapse (i.e. they slowly lose their sanity), but if treated promptly death shouldn’t be an issue– it can be, of course, but it’s not _inherent_.

This u’hoa bond is fucking terrifying, Tony thinks. Which makes him so much more confused about what Wanda was getting at because he knows that he and Steve were… intimate, but this? This is a little too much. Even for a closest hopeless romantic like Tony. Something like this… this was just… all-encompassing and all-consuming and Tony didn’t want to depend on somebody like that. _He didn’t want to get hurt again_ , a traitorous voice from somewhere in his heart whispers achingly.

A knock comes at his hospital door and Tony sighs and tells whoever it is to come in.

It’s Steve.

Steve is wringing his hands and looking nervous. “I was just checking to see if you were okay,” he begins awkwardly.

Tony blinks owlishly at him. “Oh, sure, sure. I get buildings dropped on me everyday; walk in the park.”

Tony tries not to grin at the small chuckle that escapes Steve’s lips.

Steve gestures to the seat by Tony’s bedside. “May I sit?”

Dread curls deep in Tony’s belly and he’s afraid. He pushes through, though, and just nods with a lump in his throat. It’s probably his heart (he wouldn’t blame it).

Steve sits and looks down at his hands. “I… I came to apologize.”

Tony rolls his eyes upward.

Steve finally looks up and meets Tony’s eyes. “Properly, this time,” he amends.

“Before… I lost my head,” Steve sighs, “I won’t give you any excuses, but I’m working on my… issues.” The supersoldier winces and goes back to staring into Tony’s soul. “I wanted to tell you that I shouldn’t have doubted you with the Accords. That I should have been more willing to reason and negotiate. I was bull-headed, and for that I’m sorry. I wanted to say that my poor choices weren’t a reflection on my or my co-conspirators opinions of you. Save Wanda, maybe, she’s– give her time. She’ll come around.

"Tony, I think you’re so incredibly brilliant and you’re– you’re _amazing_. You create all these things for the public and for the team, and you make it look so easy. I think I was a little jealous, actually,” Steve laughs, “here I was from another century with only the ability to punch and figure my way out of a rough spot. But you… You invent and dream up all this stuff that I’d never even thought possible. I– I thought you were a better Avenger than me. That you were–and are–better suited to this day’s gadgets and gizmos than I.”

“I know you’re too old to have seen _The Little Mermaid_ before you became a Capsicle, but it’s creepy that you just quoted a red-haired singing mermaid without ever seeing the movie,” Tony interrupts, bewildered.

Steve opens and closes his mouth.

“I know,” Tony smiles, “you didn’t get that reference.”

Steve shrugs with a little hopeless grin on his face. “I didn’t have you to help me pick which movies to watch.”

Tony’s heart aches, and it’s his turn to gape like a fish. This is not okay. Steve… Steve can’t be _Steve_ right now. He can’t be the Steve that– that Tony...

“You– I was wrong about you that day on the helicarrier. You’re more than just a suit of armor, Tony.” Steve’s blue blue eyes are so very sincere and Tony wants to cry. “You’re so much more, and I have never been happier to admit that I was wrong. You are a hero, Tony, and you didn’t deserve what I put you through with the Accords.

“Which is why,” Steve takes a deep breath and steels himself, “I won’t ask you to let me be apart of the baby’s life. I– I think you’re going to be a great dad, Tony, and I don’t deserve you or the baby. I haven’t treated you right, and I’m going to change that from here on forward. You have my word.”

Tony’s heart stutters and his breath hitches in his chest. Steve… he… why…? He can’t believe any of this is happening.

“Steve, in the conference room,” Tony rambles, “I– when I kissed you–” He’d just wanted to kiss him one last time; had just wanted to feel his warmth and arms wrapped around him just one last time. He didn’t expect–

Steve’s eyes go soft. “You thought you were dying.”

“Yeah,” Tony sighs out.

“It’s okay. I would have kissed you, too, but then it’d be because I love you,” and Steve smiles an honest and pure smile, the one that makes Tony’s knees go a little weak when it’s directed his way.

Wait.

_WHAT?_

 

 

**_***_ **

 

 

 

 

 

**_Next Time on Burning House:_ **

 

 _Carol is not having the best of days. In fact, she's willing to sound awfully dramatic and_ _cliché when she thinks it's probably one of the worst days of her life. First, her new job at NASA was going pretty well up until today where she gets kidnapped by a psychopathic alien. She wonders if maybe all these goddamn aliens are fucking crazy. Second, said kidnapping did not go well and she had to see her friend Mar-Vell get killed by the alien who kidnapped her. Third, she gets knocked into some weird ass machine that did_ something _and now she feels weird. Fourth, she loses her awesome job at NASA because apparently she's supposed to have some kind of cosmic_ _control over the aliens that attack NASA. And, her supervisors had somehow expected her to be able to_ deal _with said aliens despite her being_ human _. Needless to say, Carol is extremely angry and is writing her complaints in a journal. Maybe she'll turn it in to a book. That'll show those bureaucratic assholes._

 

*******

 

 

**_TBC_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffy is my best friend and i'm just gonna hang you off it, k? no? not okay? *cackles* SORRY NOT SORRY i'm so mean really
> 
> also, i'm trying my absolute best to keep dialogue to a minimum so that the plot and speaking are kinda balanced– let me know if you think it's still too much dialogue and I'll try to tone it down some more. 
> 
> ah yeah don't forget to subscribe updates are sporadic at best


	9. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every memory of looking out the back door  
> I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
> It's hard to say it, time to say it  
> Goodbye, goodbye.  
> Every memory of walking out the front door  
> I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
> It's hard to say it, time to say it  
> Goodbye, goodbye."
> 
> \- Photograph, by Nickelback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH shit
> 
> finally
> 
> god DAMN that took for fucking ever to write. I am so, so sorry, guys this was truly difficult to get out for some reason... but, luckily, I think I'm back on track.
> 
> Also, I just... all the commenters... thank you. Really. I couldn't have done it without you. Special shoutout to 88problems for encouraging me and for regular commenters Constance_Truggle and Laura_trekkie, and any and all other regular commenters I'm too short on time to mention right now, but don't worry you'll get a special shoutout next time ;) 
> 
> As always, comments ARE LOVE AND I SQUEAL AND I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE ANDDDDD HEREEE WE GOOOO~! enjoy!

_Tony has faced plenty of demons in his life, usually they were his own miserable, worthless, terrible demons, but at least they were only in his head driven by guilt and grief. He’s faced demons that meant he was indirectly responsible for the deaths of innocent civilians and U.S. soldiers alike; the people he meant to protect. He faced demons that wore the face of a confidant– of some kind of father-like figure that was actually a monster named Greed instead; demons that tore people’s hearts out. He faced the demons of Pepper telling him he was too much. He faced the demons that tore out his chest and decided to put a battery inside to make him_ useful _._

_He faced the demons that wore incredibly ridiculous frilly green clothes and demanded people kneel to him. He faced the demons that came out of shining, spinning, glowing blue wormholes and destroyed half of New York. He faced the demons that became his fear of all-encompassing darkness._

_He didn’t think he’d ever have to face a demon that wore red, white, and blue, called himself a hero, and stabbed his comrades in the back._

_He didn’t think he’d ever have to face the demon he called the arc reactor again._

_Well. Steve’s– no, his father’s– shield changed all that. Again. This time, though, he was fighting against it instead of_ with _it. The difference is shattering. Just like his heart. Just like his suit’s reactor._

_He sits in the cold, cold, empty space for a long time._

 

*******

 

_So this is the little schmuck who bombed Vienna and caused a city-wide power outage, is the first thing Tony thinks when he sees Zemo through the rectangle of glass._

_The second thing he sees is a screen propped up in the middle of the floor, then Zemo does something to play the feed and Tony stops breathing._

_“I know that road,” he whispers, with dread curling in his stomach._

_16 December 1991._

_No. No. Nononononono. No._

_“What is this?” he shouts helplessly at the mad man. Rogers’ eyes have gone full of shame and guilt and_ pity _and Tony wants to be sick._

_He numbly watches the whole thing play out. His vision is blurring and there’s a whooshing noise in his ears, but he still spins on Steve to ask what he already knows._

_"Did you know?" Tony grits out through his teeth. He is trying. He is trying so, so hard to keep it together right now and not break down and cry because that is the_ _last thing he needs. He's also angry._

 _"Don’t_ bullshit _me, Rogers! Did. You. Know?”_

_“Yes.”_

_That’s the last thing Tony hears before his vision bleeds red and his ears go deaf._

_The rage seeps out about the time that he realizes Barnes has got his hand on his chest and is trying to dig the reactor out._

_He fights off a panic attack while trying to keep his body from dropping like a rock._

_He’s just so, so tired._

_He tells Rogers to stand down and there’s just a small, tiny moment where everything stops and he’s trying to_ breathe _and realizes he’s got very little strength left in his limbs. He hopes that it’s finally over, but then Barnes reaches over and tries to trip him. Tony’s temper is quick to snap and he gets violently vicious, and then a gruesome satisfaction from kicking Barnes’s face in. He knows a second after he’s done it that it was a mistake to turn his back. The next second he knows he’s not going to win this battle._

_Well, he thinks as his head slams into cement and his vision darkens for a few long, horrifying seconds, he hadn’t won anything at all._

_He’s a futurist, after all. He’d known from the beginning he’d never win. He’s always been bad at listening to that particular foresight, though. It’s no surprise that this time is any different._

_He’s in shock when he sees Steve raise the shield over his head. That shock quickly turns into terror when it strikes home. Terror turns into disbelief and hurt._

_If he didn’t have broken ribs, about a thousand bruises, and cuts all over his face, his mind quickly shutting off and veering into dangerous panic attack territory, he might even chuckle over the irony._

_Dark side indeed, Captain Rogers. Dark side indeed._

_Tony’s foresight tells him right then and there that he’ll forgive this asshole because that’s who Tony is. Tony, unfortunately, has always had his faith in the people; has always wanted to help and protect. His poor, poor pathetic heart always forgives because the only thing Tony wants is love. Support. Friendship._

_It’s a fitting punishment that he be denied any of those._

_Tony tells his foresight that its warnings have always fallen on deaf ears, and Tony has always been good at fucking things up. This thing with Steve won’t be any different. He won’t let it be. He can’t._

 

 

* * *

 

_“Are you broken yet, Mr. Stark?”_

 

* * *

 

 

*******

 

 

“Mr. Stark,” a gentle voice beckons.

“Mm?”

“Here’s your coffee,” the warm, soothing voice supplies.

“Coffee?” Tony’s ears perk up and his eyes stretch wide open. “Jacey!” He crows, “You are an absolute angel! You are my _favorite_!”

Jacey’s smile is large and bright and her eyes are laughing. It’s another one of Tony’s favorite expressions she has.

Tony takes a sip, “Ohhhh, my beautiful precious divine java…”

Jacey snickers, “Should I leave you two alone?”

Tony only chugs the hot liquid and moans as a response.

“Incorrigible,” she mutters.

“You love me,” Tony counters.

“Like pumpkin pie.”

Tony gapes. “We can’t be friends if you don’t like apple pie more than pumpkin!”

Jacey tosses her more red than blonde strawberry-blonde locks over her shoulder and wrinkles her nose. “Pumpkin is better. Besides,” she smirks, “I know you love my blueberry pie too much to ever let me go.”

“Damn. This is blackmail isn’t it?” Tony wags a finger accusingly.  

She inspects her fingernails, “Well, I don’t know. I didn’t say I would never make you one again.”

“What’s this I hear about blueberry pie and blackmail?” Rhodes asks as he leans against the door.

“Rhodey-pie!” Tony brightens, “Listen to this, Jacey was basically saying she’d withhold my blueberry pie rights!”

“Oh? Is that so?” Rhodey lifts an eyebrow and then he gets scared, “Wait, does this mean that my razzleberry pie rights are revoked too?”

Jacey winks.

“Tony, what have you done?! My _pie_!” Rhodey whines and gently punches Tony in the shoulder.

“Pie?” Another visitor pipes up. It’s Richards. Huh, Tony thinks, how odd. “You make pie?”

Jacey eyes the newcomer, and smiles toothily. It’s very scary. “I do.”

“Oh my god, if you can make a lemon meringue I just became your biggest fan.”

Jacey arches a brow and then her lips slowly quirk into a devilish smile, “Lemon, huh? Be careful what you wish for…”

“Is that a challenge? Bring it on!”

She just laughs and gets a mad twinkle in her eye. This spells disaster, Tony decides. Richards has just dug himself a grave.

The kid seems to realize it too. “Uh. What… just happened…?”

They all just shake their heads and look at the poor, pitiful bastard.

“Why are you talking about pie?” Another new voice asks, clearly very bemused.

“Oh, good doctor, what’s your favorite pie?” Jacey inquires.

Strange thinks on it for a moment, “Rhubarb,” he says finally.

“Oh? That’s strange.” The room breaks out into hysterical laughter.

The magic man shrugs and just settles against the wall while the rest continue arguing about _classics._

Natasha and Steve just so happened to hear the whole exchange. She feels miserable and left out and sad. Tony’s got _other_ friends now, and she’s so incredibly jealous. It’s a new feeling for her.

Steve just looks shell-shocked. “He–”

Not now, Natasha shakes her head.

They walk away and realize maybe they’d lost more than they thought they had. It’s not a good feeling.

 

*******

 

Vision does not like being away from Tony Stark for very long, but circumstances have required the sentient being’s attention, which pulled him away from Mr. Stark’s side. That being said, Vision is very much aware of the pain his… creator feels everytime Vision opens his mouth. Vision knows Tony hears JARVIS, and knows that Tony has not properly grieved since the incident occurred. Vision wishes he could still be there for him as JARVIS, but he is different now. Alive.

New York feels so very, very empty without Tony bigger-than-life personality to fill it. Vision is lonely, but he knows it was a logical choice for him to stay here and keep an eye out for any rowdiness.

He wishes he could make certain for himself that Sir– that Tony– was alright, and would recover, but as it stands? Vision is worried sick.

He finds the emotion troubling, as he does most of them.

The one emotion he had more trouble dealing with than any of the others combined, however, was grief. He first saw grief in all it’s terrible glory the day they hauled Tony away in a van. An event he witnessed at the JCTC stronghold on a television. Ross had been smirking, and then Vision had experienced rage. Next, he saw Colonel Rhodes crying out on the same TV and Vision didn’t know what to do.

Tony had requested him to watch over both the Ross-s and keep an eye on them for suspicious behavior. If he left now, he would inevitably be disappointing the engineer, and that just simply isn’t done.

 

*******

 

Carol is not having the best of days. In fact, she's willing to sound awfully dramatic and cliché when she thinks it's probably one of the worst days of her life. First, her new job at NASA was going pretty well up until today where she gets kidnapped by a psychopathic alien. She wonders if maybe all these goddamn aliens are fucking crazy. Second, said kidnapping did not go well and she had to see her friend Mar-Vell get killed by the alien who kidnapped her. Third, she gets knocked into some weird ass machine that did something and now she feels weird. Fourth, she loses her awesome job at NASA because apparently she's supposed to have some kind of cosmic control over the aliens that attack NASA. And, her supervisors had somehow expected her to be able to deal with said aliens despite her being human. Needless to say, Carol is extremely angry and is writing her complaints in a journal. Maybe she'll turn it in to a book. That'll show those bureaucratic assholes.

Carol’s book, not shockingly, goes viral. Those bureaucratic assholes are not very happy, but Carol can’t really bring herself to care.

Until Ross brings her in and she sees the red… man with a cape. How is this her life, again?

Oh, right, she got kidnapped. Joy.

“So, Mr. Ross, what can little ol’ me do for you? Surely the Secretary of Defense has better things to do with his time than question women about their most recent accomplishments?”

“Accomplishments?” Ross raises an eyebrow and scoffs.

Carol raises an eyebrow in turn. “Well, why else would you, personally, Mr. Ross, ‘request’,” she raises her fingers to airquote, “to see me? Other than for my new book that tells all of NASA’s dirty secrets, hm?”

Ross sighs and casts a glance over his shoulder to the android, “Well, Ms. Danvers, I thought we could make a deal. Care to sit?” He gestures to the chairs.

“I’m fine, thanks,” she smiles widely; fake.

“Right then. Ms. Danvers, I would like you to rescind everything you wrote.”

Like she said, this is just _not_ her year. She could lie and say she’s baffled, but really she’d been expecting this, so she’s not surprised. At all. It’s actually _under_ whelming. 

Carol lets out a sigh. “Let me guess: you want me to claim I wrote everything in a fit of rage–no, of madness–and tell the world that, no, actually, I didn’t mean anything I said; it’s all _fiction_ , so sorry, my bad. Does that about sum it up, Mr. Ross?”

“Well, yes, I’m so glad we’re on the same page.”

“Hm, see, the funny thing is, Ross, is that we aren’t. Wanna know why? Because I have no intention of doing any of those things.”

Ross narrows his eyes, “Really, is that so?”

“Yes. Yes, it is. Hello, strange man in a cape, how are you?”

“My name is Vision, or Viz, as Wanda likes to call me. I am well, thank you, Ms. Davers, and how are you?”

“My, so polite this one! Say, Vision, I am going to be leaving, so do you think you could entertain him for me?”

“Miss? I’m afraid I don’t–”

“I’m leaving now, Mr. Ross, goodbye.”

“You can’t leave–” He starts to protest.

“Watch me,” she snarls because she’s sick of the bureaucratic bullshit. She’s sick of being screwed over. Not ever again; she knows how the game goes now, and she is a terrible loser.

Her walkout is quite satisfying. It remains so as she gets to the sidewalk.

The surprise she feels when she suddenly feels someone behind her, however, is not.

“Christ! Sneaking up on people is not nice, Vision!” She exclaims.

“Yes, I– I apologize, I seem to always forget. Ms. Danvers, I thought I might ask if you’d like to be on the team.”

“The team? Oh, you mean the Avengers. Why would you ask me that?”

“Because you’re special, Carol.”

The polite smile instantly drops off her face and she’s immediately on guard. “The hell’re you talkin’ about?”

“Listen, Carol, you can trust me. This…” He points to his forehead, “...shows me things, on occassion. I know that you are new to your abilities, Ms. Danvers, and I would like to help you.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So?
> 
> What'd you think?
> 
> (cough cough areyoustillenjoyingthis? cough cough)


	10. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not a perfect person  
> There's many thing I wish I didn't do  
> But I continue learning  
> I never meant to do those things to you  
> And so I have to say before I go  
> That I just want you to know  
> I've found a reason for me  
> To change who I used to be  
> A reason to start over new  
> And the reason is you"
> 
> ~ The Reason, by Hoobastank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: fluff. 
> 
> tooth-rotting, rainbow-vomitting, puddle of feelings, FLUFF. That's all it is. 4,121 words or 9.2 pages of warm fuzzy feelings to heal the soul. There might be a dash of hurt/comfort in there too, but OMG THE FLUFF idk what happened. commenters happened. 20k+ readers happened. Literally, the whole time i was like oh wait wanna add this oh NO WAIT one moreeeee thingggg -- and look? you get 15 minutes worth of nothing but fluffy feelings. 
> 
> I'm dedicating this chapter to Right_in_the_feels who left me a gorgeous long comment that i read over and over to get me goin' like a dozen times, but I can't seem to find it anymore. but, here's to you hun. i have so so much more to say to you than that, so if you wanna hear it come find me on tumblr!!!! OR MAKE ANOTHER COMMENT
> 
> SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO amalee02, MoonyKat, kana117, thejester, Uko_chan, DaughteroftheSilverMoon, BLynn1, EchoSiriusRumme, Sarah, chibi_attack, mitochondrials, AND BASICALLY EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME SINCE THE BEGINNING AND/OR HAS LEFT MORE THAT ONE COMMENT. thank you. i love you guys so, so much. (if you have left more than one comment and/or have been here since i started this PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND SO I CAN GIVE YOU SOME LUVIN)
> 
>  
> 
> (p.s. i made up the scene from KUWtK. idk if that happens or not. i'm abusing my artistic liberties with my shiny creative license ok. it was supposed to be funny. i'm funny right?)
> 
> (p.p.s i put brackets around the text messages because i like things neat and orderly AND DISTINCTIVE in my writing it's gotta be special and stand out ok. don't judge me.)

Tony is bored. No, okay, hear him out: he’s so bored that he’s considering watching this god-awful telenovela that somehow the cable box was a good preset. Not. Also, he’s still in the hospital and that is just not cool, okay? Tony Stark and hospitals are like fire and gasoline. They really, really don’t get along.

For God’s sake. He just wants to go back to his tower and sleep in his massive, California-king size bed. He also wants his HD TV that gets more than 50 channels in low-quality resolution. Honestly, it’s like this hospital is living back in the _90s,_ and that is unacceptable.

He kind of feels like his brain is melting out of his ears when Jacey stops by for another visit.

“Jacey,” he crows, “the light of my life, please tell me I can blow this popsicle stand _today?_ I don’t think I can handle another minute here. I’m being serious.”

Jacey tries to keep a straight face, but she ultimately fails and bursts out laughing. “Oh, Tony… you really… you crack me up, you know that?”

Then, she starts cackling all over again. “Oh, my _God,_ Tony, is that… no, please tell me you are _not_ watching _Keeping Up With the Kardashians._ Tell me that’s not what that is before I put it all over Twitter that Tony Stark watches terrible reality TV.”

Damn. She did notice. “Nope,” he pops the ‘p’, “this is definitely not–”

_“KIM, WHERE’S MY HAIR BRUSH? YOU BITCH, DID YOU STEAL IT AGAIN?”_

“Uh– it’s not what–”

“ _MOM! KOURTNEY IS CALLING ME NAMES!”_

Jacey raises a very judgmental eyebrow and goes into another long fit of laughter. “Twitter,” she says when she stops guffawing for a breath.

“Lies,” he mutters, “you don’t even have a Twitter.”

“No,” she smirks, “but I know who _does_.”

Tony narrows his eyes, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, Rhodey-kins…” She singsongs.

“Yes?” The door opens and his head pops up from around the corner.

For some reason, Tony finds this entirely too comical and doubles over from giggling. God, but if they’re trying to cheer him up, he must say they’re doing a stand-up job.

“Tony has decided to watch the Kardashians,” her mouth twitches like she’s about to lose it again.

Rhodey gapes. “Twitter,” he shakes a finger at Tony. “All my followers are hearing about this.”

“Rhodey…” Tony puts on his best puppy-dog face.

“Nope, the eyes aren’t gonna work on me, man.” Rhodey shakes his head. “Tones, you should know better.”

Tony heaves out a sigh and lays against the scratchy hospital pillows.

“We have good news, though,” Jacey pipes up innocently.

Tony is immediately sitting back up again and looking at her with rapt attention.

“Good boy,” she chuckles, “But, as long as you promise to take your prenatal vitamins, follow this dietary plan to the letter, and get at least eight hours of rest each _day,_ you can be discharged.”

Tony probably looks like a fish with the way that he’s moving his mouth. He doesn’t care. _Freedom_.

“Also, I’ve signed you up for Lamaze and parenting classes.”

Tony just looks confused. “But what about my bedrest?”

“I’ve got you a doctor’s note, honey bunch, don’t worry. You are only to participate in activities where you are sitting down, and exercise is to be extremely limited,” Jacey nods firmly.

“That’s…” Tony heaves a sigh of relief that takes all of the tension out of his shoulders and makes him sag a little. “Thanks, Jacey. That really… I wanted to do those, but then the doctor said…”

“I know,” she smiles, “I know.”

Tony’s eyes tear up because he should’ve known that she’d know. Of all the people in his life, Jacey has by far been the most understanding. It’s just, well, he’s been really insecure lately. From the Civil War and from people telling him he’s all these kinds of things. And… Pepper. Pepper would’ve assumed that Tony wouldn’t have wanted to do those classes at all. That she’d have to force him to go because he thought they were unimportant.

He loves Pepper, don’t get him wrong, but she just… sometimes, she confused the persona Tony put in front of the camera with the real one. It’s… looking back, it’s probably another reason why they didn’t work out so great. It’s fine, though. She’s happier, he thinks, and that’s all he ever really wanted was for her to be happy. He knows that she probably will worry about him ‘til the end of his days, but that’s because she’s a worrier by nature.

Well, a small smiles quirks up his lips, he did run her pretty ragged in the beginning.

“Tony?” Jacey asks, and by the look on her face he’s been off in la-la land for a while.

“Sorry. I was just… thinking.”

“Well, Mr. Stark,” and that’s her business, no-nonsense tone, “why don’t you tell me all about it?”

He sighs. Ever the psychologist, she is. “Just… it was about Pepper. That’s all. I was thinking… I’m glad she’s happier, now.”

“I’m proud of you,” she murmurs with a small, sincere smile, “for making peace with that.”

“Postive reinforcement does wonders,” he chuckles. He looks out the window and sees the blue, blue sky and fluffy white clouds. And, he thinks that it really, really does. “Well, you also helped me make peace with Howard.”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “I did.”

For a moment, tears choke Tony up a little bit. “Do you think,” he bites his lip, “you could help me do that with… with _them?”_

Jacey twists her hands together and gets a pinched expression on her face. Her eyes close, and Tony can see that she’s hurting. His brain slowly processes why.

Oh.

His eyes widen. She– she’s hurting for _him_. _Because_ of him; of what he went through.

Someone cares, his heart cheers and it feels like a dam breaks because then he’s got tears running down his face and snot coming out of his nose. He just… he didn’t know.

 _This is what it feels like to be loved,_ his soul whispers, _to be cherished by friends– by family._

“Oh, Tony,” she gasps, “I’m sorry– I didn’t mean to–” she blubbers, “Damn it, Metallica, now you’ve gotten me started.”

Tony barks out a wet laugh at the matching tears sliding down her cheeks. “Arthur’s gonna get mad at me for making you cry,” he sniffles.

And Jacey is laughing, hard, but still crying and she swats at Tony. “No,” she sob-laughs, “I’ll tell him your stupid hormones are overwhelmingly powerful.”

Then Tony’s laughing too, at the ridiculousness of all of it, and he feels his broken heart start to mend. Jacey has always said that laughter and kindness is the best medicine. He hadn’t really believed her, before, but now he does. He is so, so grateful to her.

“J-C-D-C,” he waggles his eyebrows at their terrible inside jokes, and that sets them off laughing all over again.

She wipes her eyes, bright green shining with mirth and sadness. “You think you’re so funny,” she says flatly.

Tony chortles. “I am, and you know it.

“Next you’ll be telling me you’re sexy,” Jacey’s eyes dance.

Tony beams, “I’m sexy and I know it!” He sings, badly.

Really, Tony thinks as their grins and infectious laughter start putting cramps in their sides, he owes her his sanity.

Jacey then tells him that they’re getting out of there soon, so would he please stop fidgeting.

“By the way,” she starts out of the blue, “what’s up with all of the flowers?”

“Dunno,” he shrugs, “nurses say it’s from a secret admirer.”

She looks at all the different varieties of flowers, in a multitude of color. She’s no expert, but she is a romantic at heart, and is somewhat familiar in the language of the flowers. She doesn’t like what they’re all saying. At all.

She purses her lips, smiles at Tony encouragingly, tell him she’ll be back later, and goes off to find this so-called “secret admirer”.

Steve is running ridiculously fast around the park Jacey tracks him to. She’d maybe admire the rippling muscles bulging out of his too-tight white T-shirt if she didn’t know how self-righteous he is.

“Steven Grant Rogers!” She hollers out in a stern voice.

The supersoldier freezes and turns to look at her. He’s almost standing at attention, as if she was a military commander. It’s funny.

He starts to make his way over to her, and he’s got this look on his face like he’s just been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. It’d be cute, maybe, if she didn’t know how arrogant he is.

Over all, though, with the baby-face and puppy-dog blue eyes and the _muscles_ , Jacey can definitely see why Tony thinks Steve’s attractive. What she can’t understand is why Tony’s in love with him. She’s here to suss that for herself, as well as give a shovel talk. Or three.

“Walk with me,” she says when he’s finally within proper talking distance.

He just nods and follows.

“My name is Jacey Kirk,” she starts politely.

“You already know my name, but I’m Steve.” The blond shrugs sheepishly.

Jacey bites her lip and starts walking down the sidewalk. It’s a lovely park, really, even if it’s not Central Park. The trees are tall and full, the grass mowed and green, the flowers are in bloom, and it’s peaceful. Quiet.

“I want to know your intentions,” her voice is even, but cold.

“About?” He sighs.

“Don’t play dumb, Rogers, it doesn’t suit you,” she quips.

Steve flinches a little. “I… I don’t have any. Not– not of the romantic variety, at least. I just wanted… he spends a lot of time dealing with people who hate him. I thought it’d be… I don’t know. I thought it would cheer him up a bit. To see that not everyone hates him. I never planned on telling him who they were from.” He puts a hand on his neck and lowers his eyes to the floor.

“Well,” Jacey smiles, “that’s one way to win points with me.”

“What?” He looks startled, as if he hadn’t expected her to be happy about it at all.

“That you didn’t want him to know, it means you didn’t want to take advantage of him. That you want him to be happy even if it’s not by your doing.” It seems, Jacey realizes, that the man isn’t totally hopeless. For an alpha.

“Can I ask…” He trails off and looks very uncomfortable for even asking.

“What?” She’s curious, though, so she’ll bite.

“How is the… how’s the baby?”

It’s Jacey’s turn to stop in surprise. She hadn’t expected this at all. “Fine,” she murmurs vaguely. “Tony is doing well.”

“That’s…” The tension seems to drain right out of Steve’s body and he smiles nice and bright. “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I’m glad.”

Oh dear god. She hadn’t expected this _at all_ . For fuck’s sake! She needs to do an entire re-evaluation on the man that is Steve Rogers because _this_? What she’s seeing doesn’t match up. Not by a single, tiny iota.

Before her brain catches up (which is unusual for her), she blurts, “Why do you care?” She doesn’t mean it maliciously, or even to hurt Steve. She genuinely wants to know.

Steve rears as if she’s just slapped him. “I–” he splutters, “how could I _not_?”

“You didn’t seem to care when you fought him in Siberia,” she points out.

“That’s–” Steve hunches in on himself, clearly ashamed. “Those were extenuating circumstances. What happened… it wasn’t… I didn’t mean for it to go so far. I was reacting and not thinking, and if I could take it all back? I would. But… I can’t, so I have to live with my mistakes and try and make it up to Tony the best I know how.”

Jacey tsks. “You’re not just saying that because you know his orientation, now, are you?”

By his expression of horror and disgust, she’d guess not. It’s been a long time since anyone has had certain _ideals_ about omegas, but Steve’s parents’ generation was one of the last.

“Of course not!” He raises his voice indignantly, “It’s wrong to treat _anybody_ the way I–” Steve’s voice and body shutters to a halt. His face has drained of all color and he seems to have had some kind of epiphany. By the dread and self-loathing and revulsion on his face, it wasn’t a good one.

“I was a bully,” he whispers.

It’s so quiet, however, that Jacey barely hears it.

“Oh, god, I said– I talked to him like… like _he_ was the bully,” his wide-eyed realization tugs at her heart strings.

Oh, Tony.

Steve collapses onto the nearest bench and holds his head in his hand. He keeps muttering, “What have I done? What have I _done?”_ Over and over again.

“My ma would be ashamed,” he murmurs brokenly.

Jacey takes a deep breath and sits beside him on the cold metal bench. This is definitely not how she saw this going. She folds her hands in her lap and waits.

“How do I fix this?” He asks her, voice low and thick with misery.

She thinks of everything she’s ever lived through. She thinks of her father who didn’t deserve her, and of growing up too fast. Of past bullies and hardships, but she’d made it through. She forgave her father, eventually, for his short-comings and loved him even when he didn’t really deserve that. She’s made her peace. Tony’s trying to make his with Steve and the Avengers. Steve is now trying to make his.

She exhales a deep breath, and berates herself for always trying to fix everyone’s problems. “Well, Steve,” she says, “I think you’re off to a pretty good start.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s hopeful smile makes her teeth ache.

“Yeah. Just… maybe… start by being his friend first. Get to know him. Sit with him and ask him about his day, about his projects, about his likes and dislikes; show him you care. Compliment him when you can, and give constructive criticism when you can’t. Tony doesn’t respond well to being yelled at,” she closes her eyes and clutches her skirt in her fingers until the knuckles turn white.

“Protect him from the papparazzi, always have his back, surprise him with the little things, and tell haters to fuck off. You’ll have to earn back his trust and his respect, Rogers, and that’s not so easy when you’ve broken it once before.” She takes a deep breath, “He’s always going to think you might leave. You have to stay and reassure him. No matter what.” Her eyes lock with Steve’s. “Do you think you can do that?”

He nods resolutely, the fire of determination burning in his gaze. “I swear it.”

She huffs and stands. She folds her arms and arches back to look at the sky. “If you ever hurt him again,” she threatens, “there’ll be nothing left of you for anyone to find. Do you understand me?” Her green eyes glint in the sunlight and a shudder runs down Steve’s back from her murderous glare.

Steve sits up straight. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, and one more thing. If Tony ever deigns to let you into his life as a mate, I want you to always remember that he’s a closet-romantic,” she bends over and whispers in his ear, “and that you don’t deserve _him_.”

She walks away and hopes to Hell she didn’t just make a massive mistake. Tony’s not the only one who’s a futurist, after all. She can see, clear as day, that Steve is pining harder than a school girl. She can also see, however, that Tony is giving up on Steve if he hasn’t already.

 

**_***_ **

_One Week Later…_

 

Steve has been texting him non-stop. Okay, that’s a hyperbole. He sends one in the morning and one at night. Sometimes, only one in the afternoon. Alright, so maybe Steve only texts him once or twice a week because, the man had explained, Steve didn’t want Tony to feel like Steve was bombarding him. The supersoldier had even told Tony that he could ignore Steve or block him, or whatever.

Tony doesn’t answer the messages. Ever. For his sanity.

Steve says things like: [ _Good morning, I passed by a new coffee-shop and I thought of you._ ] It’s utterly maddening. Maddening, because Steve isn’t being presumptuous or flirty or asking anything of Tony.

No, Tony grinds his teeth, the man is being _sweet_.

He even says stuff like: [ _Hey, Tony, I tried that restaurant you recommended to me a while back, and you were right!]_

And, for God’s sake, the man sometimes even _compliments him_ . It’s a freaking conumdrum is what it is! For example, he’ll say: [ _I saw one of those things– an iPhone, right? And, then I showed them my Starkphone (I never did thank you for that, by the way), and they all said they wished they could get one because of how ‘awesome’ your ‘tech’ is.]_

Steve is not allowed to use 21st century slang, Tony decides. Even if he is technically quoting someone. Why? Because, quite frankly, Tony Stark is going out of his goddamn mind. It’s just not _fair_.

Sometimes, Steve will even stop by the tower to say hello and tell Tony, again, for the _umpteenth time_ , that he’s sorry for Siberia and for not trusting Tony.

Goddammit the blond is stubborn.

FRIDAY informs him someone is at the door.

“Who is it?” He groans.

“Captain Rogers, boss,” the AI answers.

_Jesus. Fucking. Christ._

“Alright, send him up,” he settles back against his fluffy pillows and lets out a world-weary sigh.

He should probably not be letting Steve into his home when he’s five months pregnant, baby bump looking more like he’d swallowed a soccer ball than the pouch it’d be with just one. Probably also not a good idea for an alpha to be in the same room with him because he’s really, really _fucking_ horny, okay? Like dripping-wet-in-heat-I’ve-still-got-raging-teenager-hormones horny. And Steve had been his last regular sexual partner, as in Steve had given him continuous–fantastic–sex on a regular basis. Sex that he has not had in _five_ months. See the problem? It’s a big problem.

Stop it. Damn it, Tony, get it _together_. Stop thinking about all the goddamn sex you _used_ to have–fuck, though, it was hella good sex– damn it all.

“Tony?” Steve knocks on his bedroom door.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Tony is so fucking grateful for those dynamic-dulling nose strips. Without them, Tony knows he would have jumped up on Steve the minute he walked in the room and climbed him like a tree. Or, he contemplates, shucked off all his clothes and presented like omegas did in the old days. Both would have been bad, but _fuck_ Steve smells so good.

Well, any alpha in his current state probably would, but Steve especially since he’s the one who knocked Tony up.

“Hey, Steve,” Tony greets numbly. This should not be so goddamn hard.

“I, uh, I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” Steve’s got a sanguine, charming little grin on his face.

Tony shrugs, “I was bored.”

The blond’s face falls a little and Tony aches inside. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

“I brought you one of those frappucino things, from that coffee place I mentioned. It’s not caffeinated,” Steve blushes as he assures Tony.

 _HOLY SHIT._ Holy. SHIT. This is why Tony fell half-way in love with this man. Fuck, he thinks. Fuck. He’d already… he’d given up. Whatever crush or infatuation, or feelings of adoration he had for Steve, he’d _gotten over_.

“Coffee,” Tony repeats and makes grabby hands.

Why are relationships so messy? No, scratch that, why are _feelings?_ Tony firmly objects and concludes he’s allergic. Yep.

Steve smiles and his eyes crinkle as he passes the cup over.

Tony moans when he takes a sip. “My precious… I missed you. I love you,” he strokes the cup endearingly. He freezes. Wait. This is… this is exactly the frou frou drink he used to order when– oh sweet mother of god.

He’s _definitely_ allergic. Like deathly-anaphylatic, fatally, allergic.

Tony’s heart twists and his stomach fills with butterflies, and despite everything he knows–everything he’s afraid of–he’ll give Steve another chance. Not… not romantically. Not yet. Tony doesn’t know if he’ll ever be ready for a long-term relationship again, after Pepper, but he lets himself believe that maybe he and Steve could possibly be friends.

Besides, now that he’s decided to give Steve a second chance he’s going to make the blond damn well earn it. He smirks.

Should be fun.

 

_******* _

 

Steve drops by every other day for Tony’s coffee run and does some of the house chores while he’s there.

Tony tries not to think about how domestic it all is. Or how much he wants it.

And, If Tony asks really nicely, Steve will make him something to eat and watch terrible romantic comedies with him on the couch. Probably not the best movie choices, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind. It’s nice.

“So how far along are you, now, Tony?” Steve asks one night after The Proposal has ended.

“Mm… almost seven months, I think. Why?”

Steve’s eyes go wide. “Really? The second quadrimester? But you’re–” He wisely decides not to finish that sentence when Tony’s eyes narrow.

“What, Steve?” Tony grins nastily. “Fat?”

Steve’s breath hitches and he bursts out, “Jesus, no! You’re _pregnant_! Not fat! Who’s told you you’re fat? I’ll rip them a new one, I swear to God… fucking people… insulting a pregnant person…” Steve grumbles and his Brooklyn accent trickles out.

That. That… that should definitely not be as arousing as Tony is now finding it. Christ. Steve _cursed_. That’s hot.

 _Hormones,_  Tony growls to his brain, _kindly shut the fuck up_.

“Language, Captain,” Tony smiles wide.

Steve tilts his head back and groans. “That’s never going away.”

“Nope,” Tony’s in a great mood now. Possibly because Steve cursed, because of Steve’s accent, and–oh right–because Steve defended him.

Steve, Steve, Steve. All about Steve. God, Tony needs to get laid.

“Anyways, I just thought that the baby must be growing really fast if you’re already so big. I was worried… because…” Steve bites his lip.

Tony blinks. God. The big sap. “You were worried because you thought the serum might be hurting the baby.”

“Yeah,” Steve winces. “Too much growth too fast is… dangerous.”

“No worries, Cap,” Tony pats his belly and his eyes crinkle with joy. “I’m just carrying twins, is all.”

Steve’s entire body looks like Tony just hit Life’s pause button. “What?” He squeaks.

Oh. Right. Oh, well, cat’s outta the bag. “Yeah. A boy and a girl.”

Steve forgets to breathe for a minute. A male omega carrying twins was always a momemntous occassion. It was seen as very, very good luck back in the day. The newspapers woulda had a field day back then, if they’d had a story like that.

“That’s great, Tony,” Steve beams, “congratulations.”

“Thanks,” the brunet’s brow furrows, “but you’re not… mad?”

“Mad?” Steve snorts as if it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “I’m… I’m over the moon, Tony, how could I possibly be mad?”

The engineer purses his lips and picks at a non-existant thread of his leather couch. “Well, I… I didn’t tell you about it.”

Steve’s crestfallen face and puppy-dog eyes hit Tony full-force. “It wasn’t exactly any of my business, and it’s not like I asked. Well, I didn’t really have the right to even ask. After what I did. I’m… I’m still so, so sorry, Tony. I– I was the bully, you know that right?”

Tony’s eyes fill. All these goddamn pregnancy hormones and Steve’s being… he’s being everything Tony’s ever dreamed about wanting. “I’m glad we both agree you’re an asshole,” Tony snickers and bumps into Steve’s shoulder.

“I just want you to know,” the blond gives a watery smile, “that you’re the reason I wanted to change who I used to be.”

“Captain America, everyone,” Tony shakes his head, “don’t go off and become Ghandi now.”

“I’m serious. You inspire me to be better.” Steve grins, “My ma woulda loved you. Probably thank you for getting my head screwed on straight,” Steve deliberates, “well. Not straight.”

Tony barks out a laugh. Captain America making a sexuality joke. Who woulda thought.

Yeah. They call this the honeymoon phase for a reason. Tony’s never been this happy in his entire life, and even though things aren’t perfect… Well. For the first time, Tony’s optimistic about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, be honest. 
> 
> how many of you do I have to mop up off the floor? 
> 
> i'm so emotional right now. *blubbers* i just... i never thought i'd get to 20k+ viewers or get as many awesome comments that I squeal and obsess over and re-read because i'm a sentimental sap and i love all of you just SO MUCH AND THIS CHAPTER WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE ACTUAL PLOT GOD DAMMIT
> 
> also, i'm about to get really, really busy so prob will be another month until i can update again sorry folks! 
> 
> oh, right! and if anyone knows if this is recced or got fan-art anywhere let me know so i can give them all some LOOOOOVVEEE! <3 (and link the rest of you to it mwahaha)


	11. Somethin' Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stand on the box, stomp your feet, start clapping  
> Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen  
> Now the drinks keep coming, throw my head back laughing  
> Wake up in the morning’ don’t know what happened  
> Whoah, something bad  
> Whoah, something bad"
> 
> ~ Somethin' Bad, Miranda Lambert ft. Carrie Underwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING SO INCREDIBLY PATIENT! I LOVEEEEE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH
> 
> second: rejoice! next chapter will be prob next week, or possibly sooner (might give ya'll a nice lil new years gift ;) ...)
> 
> third: this fic will prob have 17 or so chapters based on my current outline. which MEEEEAAANSSS: yes, we are almost done. 
> 
> fourth: this chapter may seem slow, and I know I'm back-tracking (again ahah. what's a linear story progression? i've never heard of it ahhHAH), BUT ch 12 will speed everything up so fast some of you will prob get whiplash, add. ch 12 will also COVER ALL PLOT HOLES. it's going to be a long chapter... whew. REJOICE.
> 
> okay. announcements over. you're free to read.

**_One Week Ago..._ **

 

The doctors had told him he probably shouldn’t be flying, but Tony has always taken doctors’ advice with a grain of salt. He’d signed his AMA papers, walked--rolled, semantics-- out, and then caught a taxi to the airport. Jacey was with him, and of course she was. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one who was.

He’d thought that that was okay. He’d been alone before, after all. This… the team shouldn’t be affecting him this way. Why was it affecting him this way?

Tony shook his head. He didn’t want to think about such things.

“Jacey,” he begins, voice low.

“Mm?” She turns to him with a smile, while putting a thumb down on the page of the book she’s reading.

“...Could you… tell me about you and Arthur?”

She cocks her head, eyes questioning and searching his soul. Her looks are often perceptive in this manner. For a moment, her eyes soften and glisten and he thinks she might have figured it out.

“I just want you to know,” she says and bookmarks the page, “that I don’t approve of this tactic; running never solves anything, Tones. However... I’ll let it go on one condition.”

Tony knows she only means well. That she tries to get him to heal, even when he doesn’t want to. “...Yeah?”

“I want you to admit to yourself, or to me-- I’m not picky-- some secret. Deal?”

Tony swallows, but nods.

Jacey closes her eyes and tells the story.

“It started off as a long day. I was working a part-time job, and it was raining. I liked the job well enough, there are worse ones, you know. I’d had… well, little faith in myself at the time because classes were tough, and it felt like no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t bring up that damn GPA. It was… a rough time in my life. I’ve never told you this before, Tones, but Arthur was my first relationship. I’d done dates before, I guess, but not many.

“I was transferring from my community college to a university beach-side that Autumn, and I’d just moved in to this new apartment with two other girls. We were good friends, so we decided to go wandering around to explore the area. It was fun… up until it started pouring rain out of nowhere. So, the girls and I duck into a local, hippie coffee shop where I lay eyes on a man sitting in the far corner all alone on his laptop.” Jacey laughs and her eyes are bright with mirth.

“It sounds cliche, I know, but I really can’t explain what drew my eyes to him. Until I saw what he was doing on his laptop.” She laughs again.

“What was he doing?” Tony hates this anticipation thing she does because she’s so damn good at it.

“He was watching two eagles mate.” She snorts and just shakes her head, “It wasn’t until later that I found out he was watching it for his biology class. He was majoring in marine biology and minoring in environmental science, so I sure picked an interesting one.”

“But how did you guys… like… get to know each other?” Tony insists.

“So impatient, young Padawan,” she smirks. “I may or may not have said something about the content he was watching in public, rather loudly, to my friends. Mind you, I was rather shy back in the day, so I really thought he hadn’t heard me,” she snickers.

“Oh my God, woman! The suspense is killing me! Tell me what happened!”

Her eyes twinkle, and now he _knows_ she’s doing it on purpose. “Right as I’m about to pay for my ultra-delicious-super-sweet-frou-frou coffee, he barges in and tells the cashier that he’ll pay for my drink to ‘show [me] he’s a gentleman, thank you very much, and not a pervert with an exhibitionist streak.’ Which is basically what I’d said to my friends.”

“Oh my God, Jacey!” Tony chuckles and the mental image is… it’s crystal clear, which only makes him laugh longer and harder.

“I admit, I was pretty embarrassed. I was also kind of mad that he just barged in front of me and paid for my drink, so I was conflicted and my face was bright red. My friends laughed at me. Assholes. _Then_ ,” she says with a flair of drama, “I tell him that if he wanted to buy me coffee that badly all he had to do was ask.” She gets a thoughtful look on her face, “I should mention that being salty to strangers is an extremely unusual practice for me.”

Tony just raises an eyebrow.

“So, this dude says to me, ‘I’d love to buy you coffee again,’ and I was like damn. That was pretty smooth. At this point, I’m so out of character that I think ‘fuck it’, and tell him it’s a date.

“Coffee led to movies led to dinners… led to me going over to his place… led to him coming to mine… led to amusent parks and fairs, which finally led to sleepovers. Don’t look at me like that, Tony, I didn’t have sex with him until our wedding night.” She eyes Tony with a look.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’m an impatient horndog,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Seriously, though, that’s impressive self-control.”

She shrugs, like it isn’t a big deal. “By then, I’d say we’d only dated for a few months when he told me he loved me. I’m… slow… to love,” she admits quietly, “but when I do, I love with every fiber of my being; fiercely and all-encompassing. You should know, Tones, that once someone has my loyalty, the only way that loyalty ends is if the other’s does first. Do you understand?”

The look she levels Tony with feels like a punch to the gut and a balm to his aching soul all at once. He nods and clenches the arm-rests.

“For our one-year anniversary, he took me to the coffee shop where we first met, and got down on one knee. I told him right then and there that this was it for me. That he was the only one for me, and that I could never love again. I told him that if he was okay with forever -- if he promised to never betray me -- I’d marry him.” A dopey, love-sick, faraway look appears in her eyes as she gets lost in time.

“And he promised.”

“He did.” She smiles, “He told me that was the easiest promise he’d ever had to make. That was ten years ago.”

Jealously swirls deep in Tony’s gut, and he fights to push it down. “How… what’s your secret for long, successful relationships, Jay?” He asks ever so quietly.

Jacey opens her mouth, and then realization dawns on her face. Her mouth forms an ‘o’. Her eyes get very sad when she searches Tony’s eyes. “It’s… complicated,” she replies, “For some, it’s communication. For others, it’s compromise. For us… for us, it’s trust.” Tony notices, for once, that her eyes go a little distant and her body language closes off ever so slightly.

She notices that he noticed. She shrugs and gives a wry, weary grin. “I’ve got issues too, believe it or not.”

She closes her eyes and leans back into the chair. “Well, another secret is trying to figure out how the puzzle fits together. You’re two different pieces, and both of you have lives that make up hundreds more. If you can figure out how to make them all fit together, you’ll adapt to each other and become like two extremely efficient gears in a machine. It’s the solving of the puzzle that takes the most time. All the rest is just a bonus.”

Tony looks out the small plane window of the first class seat, and contemplates.

Jacey leans back against the headrest and shuts her eyes. Tony turns to look at her lovely face.

“It wasn’t just sex,” Tony admits very, very quietly.

Jacey’s eyes stay closed, but she frowns like this isn’t new information.

Tony rolls his eyes.  “It was, at first. It didn’t… it didn’t mean anything. But, then, well we started getting along. Off the field, and on it. I started noticing Steve, and not just the Captain. I started… wondering what it would be like,” he murmurs, “if it **was** for love. Next thing I know, I’m watching Steve fall into the Pontomac, and I realized we had a fledgling bond. After all that… well, it’s just one thing after another.”

Before Jacey can respond, the pilot’s voice says that they will now begin landing, and that they are slightly ahead of schedule.

Jacey purses her lips. She’d told Steve yesterday, quite clearly, what would happen if he ever hurt Tony again, but… the question  is: should she tell Tony what she discovered? She sighs.

“Tony. I… Listen, I figured out what was wrong with Steve,” she blurts.

The brunet blinks and kind of looks like he’s just had ice thrown on him in winter. “What?”

“I figured it out, yesterday. When I… never mind, but he’s got this… syndrome, I guess you could call it. It’s rare, but it has a tendency to pop up in trans-alphan men. Like Steve.”

This is news to Tony. “He wasn’t always an alpha?”

“No,” Jacey laughs a little, “that’s probably why he sucks at it. No, first he was a beta. The serum changed every part of him to become the ideal super-soldier, right? His designation was included.”

Tony purses his lips and turns his head to look out the window. The plane is landing.

“He has what the Koreans like to call ppalgan yeonmu, or angae, for short. A rampant over-production of testosterone and epinephrine caused him to be in a state similar to the end result of rabies in animals: madness and viciousness.”

The plane pulls into the gate and the walkway connects to its side, where the door is. The unfasten seatbelt sign blinks off, and the passengers clamber for their suitcases in the overhead bins, but Tony doesn’t move.

“Tony,” Jacey bites her lip, “I know it doesn’t–– it doesn’t make anything right, but I figured at least an explanation would… help.” She can see that Tony really wants her to shut up about this, but he needs to hear it.

His whole body is stiff and tense, and he says nothing.

“I remembered that there was a man in South Korea, about a decade or so ago, and I was studying the case because it was so… odd. The man, named Pak Gyeong, was born with a very, very small alpha gland. So small, that he could be considered like me, however he lacked the beta-hormone-regulator gland, so he wasn’t a dual-designation. The condition had never been reported before, and the man was very ill because his body wasn’t getting all the hormones it needed to maintain balance.

“So, the doctor suggested they do a surgery and turn him... more alpha. I don’t know the details, but it was successful. However… years later… when Gyeong tried to bond with a potential mate, he snapped. Everything to make deep bonding possible is absent in betas, but since he was born more beta than alpha, he didn’t have the necessary components, and it caused his body to be at war with itself. He went mad, Tony. He broke the fledgling bond with his girlfriend and tried to kill her.

“Once the angae wore off, and he more or less had his wits about him… he was appalled by his actions, and found he remembered only small snippets of what he’d done as if he was looking through a ‘red haze’, which is where the name comes from,” Jacey swallows. “Steve… Steve wasn’t born with any bond-receptors, Tony, because he was a beta.

“That’s why–– that’s why he didn’t understand what was happening. He didn’t recognize the bond, and when he tried to break it because the bond was _true_ , his severe reaction was his whole body rebelling––”

“Enough,” Tony grits out.

Jacey digs her fingers into her legs. “I’m sorry. I know it makes everything worse, but since your bond has mostly been cut off… his physiology is getting used to the bond in small doses, which is why he seems different than before.”

“Stop,” Tony whispers. He squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“Tony–”

“Jay!” He whips his head around and glares at her.

Jacey flinches back. Maybe... maybe she had pushed him a little too hard.

Tony inhales sharply and rougly gets out of his seat. He doesn’t have any luggage, so he walks out of the plane and leaves Jacey behind.

The strawberry-blonde stares down at her hands, notices the near-empty plane, gathers her stuff, and slowly walks out.

Arthur isn’t there to greet her. She didn’t really think he’d be, but sometimes she forgets that he’s… busy. She sits down in one of the seats in the terminal and presses her fists into her eyes. She tries not to cry.

“Oh, Tony,” she shakes her head. He’s going to be angry for a while, she knows.

 

**_***_ **

 

**_Two Days Ago..._ **

 

It's lucky, Tony thinks, that he's not been terribly symptomatic with his pregnancy. But, then again, it also feels like he's not been doing much for the duration of his pregnancy. However, at nearly six months pregnant and on bed-rest, Tony is starting to go stir crazy. Also, he's starting to ache everywhere. His back and feet are pretty much killing him regardless of what position he lays or sits in. Then, there's this awful kicking that feels like it's displaced every internal organ at least twice, and feels like he's got one massive bruise on every thing. His OBGYN, the kindly Southern doctor-not-nurse, who's name is Gavin Smith, tells him that it's probably because of Steve. Tony doesn't laugh at the irony. 

Since he's returned to New York, many things has happened. One: he got to meet a lovely lady called Carol Danvers, two: Jar- Vision - has been with him and been incredibly supportive since his fight with Jacey, three: he no longer feels like he wants to hit Steve with a bus, and four: the babies are perfectly healthy and safe. Helen and Rhodey don't entirely approve of his ignoring Jacey, but he's stewing a bit since the rogue super soldier has been texting him repeatedly.

Tony sighs out and flicks through the TV channels to find something to watch. He still hasn't settled on what to watch when FRIDAY announces that he's got two visitors.

Well, the engineer grins maniacally, it's about damn time.

Stephen Strange and Reed Richards come up on the elevator and the doors open to reveal the two men covered in dirt, blood, and general grime. Their faces are haggard and they're hauling around a heavy looking metal suitcase. Tony's eyebrow quickly flies up. He blinks and nods his head toward the direction of the bathroom.

When the two men come back, looking as fresh as they can with their still world-weary faces, Tony knows they don't have good news. He turns off the TV and lets them talk their fill. 

"We've tracked them all down," Reed clasps his hands together and looks distraught. 

"Tracked  _what_ down?" Tony asks because he's clearly missing something. 

Stephen sighs heavily and eyes the metal case. "The... stones; gems, or whatever you'd like to call them." 

Stones. Gems. Precious gems? He's still missing a piece of the puzzle. 

Reed must notice his confusion, so he pipes up: "The  _infinity_ stones, Tony. The ones from the legends?"

Quickly, all the pieces fly together and Tony's eyes go wide. "Wait, you've found  _all_ of them?" And, oh no, this is very bad. All in once place? That's a disaster just  _waiting_ to happen. 

Strange nods again to the case. "Not quite. We have three in the case, but we know where the other three can be found."

Tony narrows his eyes. This is starting to sound like the bad news part.

"We have the time stone, the reality stone, and the space stone. Vision has the mind stone, and the power stone is... off-world. There's only one we're not sure of."

"Which is...? Also, didn't Thor have the Tesseract?" The engineer rubs his chin and thinks.

Strange flicks his eyes away and doesn't really respond. Great. Tony heaves out a groan and rolls his eyes skyward.

"You liberated demi-gods of their nice pretty blue cube? Really?"

"Well," Reed shrugs, "not exactly. We... found it, and have not returned it."

Tony narrows his eyes. "Where on Earth did you _find_ the Tesseract?" 

Strange clears his throat and coughs a bit, still avoiding Tony's eyes.

Tony just shakes his head and rubs the bridge of his nose.

Reed groans. "Okay... so we may or may not have stolen it from a mercenary who found it buried in trash at a dump."

Tony's eyes go wide and he knows of only one mercenary crazy enough to dig through trash in his free time. He folds his arms and asks them to _please, please_ tell him that it's not who he thinks it is. 

Strange's guilty face gives it away, and Tony sags further down into the plush couch. "Guys,  _really_ _?_ Deadpool? Seriously?"

Reed lifts his shoulder and lets it drop in a sheepish half-shrug. 

Tony groans again. How is this his  _life_ _?_  Tony closes his eyes and waves a hand around to signal them to continue their debrief. 

Strange purses his lips, but begins the long, long story of just how he and Reed came to...  _acquire_ the stones. The time stone, apparently was passed down to Strange coincidentally, and the reality stone he  _also_ happened upon while using the time stone. According to Strange, they thought that they had picked up on an energy signature similar to a stone when they rescued Tony a short while back. The soul stone, to be exact. They hadn't found anything, however, except for Tony himself. 

"No," Tony says to their unspoken question, "I never saw a glowing orange stone or anything of magical origins while I was being... interrogated." 

Reed and Strange share a glance and then nod grimly. 

"We think maybe Heimdall has the soul stone, Tony." 

Okay, now how in the  _hell_ did Asgard manage to get a hold of not only one of the gauntlets, but three of the infinity stones, too? Just what was Odin up to, and why didn't Thor say anything about it?

"There's something else, Tony," the two men murmur. 

Oh, gods,  _now what?_  

"The Mad Titan has begun to move, and he's set his eyes on Earth," Strange says solemnly.

Oh, this is bad. This is all kinds of apocalyptic bad, like worse than losing your car keys and your phone at the same time, _bad_. Tony gets the feeling this is going to be much, much worse than Loki's invasion a few years ago. The brunet swallows and breaks out into a cold sweat. They are going to need  _so_ much help if they even want to dream of defeating Thanos. God  _dammit._ He's going to have to make nice with Steve again, he just knows it. God dammit.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. You're itching for the next one. it's ok. 
> 
> Comments? Suggestions? Love? If so, I WANNA HEAR EM. 
> 
> see ya'll soon, k?


	12. Come Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jacey's secret comes out and the avengers start to work on their teamwork a little bit. 
> 
> (title inspired by the song from Justice League)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry -- i've had lots of life happening. like, shitty life stuff so I've been low on creativity and inspiration. In fact... i almost nearly deleted all of my works. 
> 
> anyways, i can't say when for sure i'll be out of my funk, but thank you guys so much for being so so patient and kind. i really really appreciate it. really. if i'd gotten even one - errr - unfriendly comment I probably WOULD have deleted my account, but... i decided that because i appreciate y'all so much, I dragged myself out of my slump and told myself "All these ppl read this and commented on it... and LOVE it... this fic is NOT shitty. I can write this next chapter. I can do it." so, yeah, here :-)
> 
> without further adieu...

Jacey holds her breath. Her vision swims and her heart aches in her chest. She'd known this day would come, but she did not think... would never have guessed that it would be like this. Tony has already been through so  _much_. It makes sense, she knows, why Tony's been a little short with her lately. Omegas do have their ways of knowing something is being kept from them. In hindsight, it's probably why Steve and Tony fell apart when they did. Why the fights and the bickering just kept... worsening. She has to tell him, though. This... even though she's not supposed to interfere, and she won't - not really - but this is important and she can't see another loved one die. She can't. 

So, she inhales and knocks on the bedroom door. She's delayed long enough. 

"Come in," Tony responds from within.

Jacey opens the door and smiles guiltily at her friend who's laid up in bed with fluffed pillows and some TV show playing on low volume. "Hi, Tones." 

"Jacey!" Tony's eyes are wide and he's clearly surprised to see her. Jacey sees his belly and feels vomit rise in her throat and has to fight her emotions to keep tears from falling. Luckily, Tony doesn't seem to notice. 

She goes near him and Tony's eyebrows furrow together. "Is something wrong, Jay?" 

"Tony," her voice cracks and she sits on the edge of the bed with her back to his face, "I have to tell you something."

"Okay?" He sounds wary and confused. 

"I know... I know you're still mad at me from pushing too hard the other day, and I'm sorry--" She twists her hands together and dread is curling in her stomach into  a ball of nauseating knots. 

"Pushing?" Confusion muddles his tone. "What are you- oh. You mean when you told me about Steve and the," his voice tightens and he spits out, "bond." 

"Yeah." She clasps her hands together, trying to keep them from shaking. She closes her eyes. "I hadn't meant to push. I just... I thought you needed to hear it, even if you didn't _want_ to. I'm sorry." 

He stays quiet. Neither of them speak for a long time. Finally, Tony sighs. 

"I know, Jay. You're always trying to look out for me. I'm sorry, too." 

Jacey turns to meet his eyes and Tony sees that they're bloodshot and that her knuckles are white. She's crying. 

"Jay?" He's concerned because he's never seen her breakdown like this. 

"I'm sorry, I-" she whispers, "I- just- I love you so much, you know? And- And- I have to tell you this h-horrible  _thing_ , and it's so hard..." 

Scratch concerned, she's terrifying him a little bit. "Jacey, what the hell is going-" 

"In two weeks time," her voice trembles and cracks into pieces like a mirror falling to the floor, "something bad is going to happen." 

_Does she know?_ Is Tony's first thought. But how could she know? Only the Avengers and the higher-ups at SHIELD are supposed to even  _know_ about Thanos.

Tony purses his lips and tries to keep his expression neutral. "What do you mean?" He asks plainly. 

"I mean," she grabs Tony's hand and squeezes, "two weeks from today, you are going to make a choice. It won't be a difficult one, not for you, but it will... it'll impact your future." She's crying again and she can't say more because the Code won't allow it and her own curse won't let her interfere any more than this. No matter how badly it kills her to not be able to. 

Tony's back to puzzled again. "I don't understand." His brow creases and his stress is abundantly clear. 

"You should name them," she says quietly, brokenly, like it's any kind of answer. 

"What?" Tony's world spins to a stop and he feels his heart drop to his stomach. There's a faint buzzing in his ears. Don't panic, he tells himself. Don't. 

Her expression becomes pinched and pained. "Tell someone what you choose their names to be, or write it down somewhere someone will find it," she insists. 

"Why would I..." He still doesn't understand. He feels the lingering 'but' like a splinter; an ominous premonition clawing its way out to be revealed, but doesn't yet dare.  

She gives Tony a look. Her eyes are so full of grief and misery, so he stops to think for a moment. Slowly... slowly... the gears turn. "Jay, what does the word 'Thanos' mean to you?" His lips thin. 

Her face closes off and he sees her pupils dilate... like her brain's going far away. "Death. Destruction; chaos. Evil." If Tony didn't know better he'd say that she was almost chanting it, or like another voice had layered on top of hers. But, that couldn't be possible.

"... Jay...?"

She closes her eyes and sighs heavily. "There's no easy way to tell you this," she murmurs, "I'm... the universe is mysterious in some ways, yet predictable in others. The universe loves balance, so on occasion the universe will create a being or _beings_ that are somehow instrumental in maintaining balance. These people have abilities that let them affect and bring change to their surroundings. Merlin, the famed wizard of old, is one. King Arthur was another. Doctor Strange's teacher, the Supreme, was also such a being." She pauses for a moment and twists her hands together nervously.

"You're talking about magic," Tony lifts an eyebrow.

Her next smile is a bitter one. One that knows burdens nobody should have to carry on their own.  "No. It's more like... destiny. Ironically, the Hulk is a Being too."                                                                                                                          

Tony's jaw drops.

"Did you not wonder why the green beast always seemed so infallible? Why he never dies, and rarely is able to be injured severely? Hulk is built to live through to the planet's last days. He is designed to last 'til _humanity's_  final days."

"You're saying the Earth will..." Tony can feel a panic attack coming on. This is why he'd been obsessed with Ultron, with protecting his world because of the things she was now telling him. He can't accept this. He won't accept this. There has to be another way.

"It will, eventually. In some worlds, the planet dies when it collides with another. These are called the Incursions. In other realities, the Earth is consumed by the sun when the sun goes supernova. And, in one reality I can think of... the planet and it's population are decimated by global nuclear warfare. There's no telling the fate of this universe." She goes quiet and allows the information to sink in. 

"Alternate... realities? Is that what you're saying? How could you possibly--?"

"Nature, Luck, Freedom, Justice, and Victory were all pictured as women. I've always wondered why they pictured Time as a man. Tony... I'm what some may call a 'Seer'. I See futures, realities, pasts, outcomes, causes and effects. You, as a futurist, should understand best what it is that I mean."

"So, you're telling me-- you're telling me that you're one of these Beings? What the fuck?" His eyes are wide and full of disbelief and denial. 

"Yes, that is what I'm telling you. My abilities... are mostly time related. Healing, jumping forward, slowing down, reversing, reality hopping... I can do all of it, but at a price. Sometimes... sometimes the price is inconceivable. Sometimes, the price can't be paid because the reward is too little. I'm telling you, now, free of charge as best I can that two weeks from today your life _will change_." Her eyes mist up again and she bores into him, hoping he gets it. She can't say more. 

His brows pinch together and his confusion is palpable. He rests a hand on his swollen belly and asks, "Is it... is it _just_ my life? Or--?" He looks up to meet her eyes.

He doesn't like what he sees. His heart thuds in his ears and he clutches the sheets hard enough that his knuckles pop and turn bone-white. "Jacey, are you saying-?"

She swallows down the lump in her throat and tries to make her voice not shake. She purses her lips and holds his hands. Her face is an agonized grimace and her tongue tastes like chalk as she says, "They'll make it." That he won't is heavily implied.  

"Oh," he gasps. 

"I can't save you," she sobs out, " _I_ can't because  _I'm_ not allowed to interfere. Not until after. So, have Strange with you and Steve-- and it might--" Her voice cuts off. She can't tell him more. 

Tony bites his lip. "Two weeks... two weeks  _exactly_ _?"_  

She nods. Tony sighs and pulls her in for a hug. She lays next to him, soaking in his scent and warmth and finally drifts off to sleep. 

 

 

****

 

 

Jacey wakes comfortable for the first time in a very long time. Tony has nodded off beside her with the remote laying in his hand. She smooths back his hair and rubs her hand across his pregnant belly. Her heart clenches in her chest, so she pillows her head on Tony's shoulder and tries not to cry. 

"Edwin Marion Stark."

"What?" Her head lifts up. 

"The boy. That's what I'll call him. Edwin, for - for Jarvis, and Marion for Maria - my mother." Tony's voice is thick with emotion. 

"That's a good name," she smiles gently, encouraging.

"Luciana Margaret Stark will be the girl," he says decidedly. "Lucy means 'light' and Ana... Ana was Jarvis's wife. She was-- she was incredible. If my mom was like a cloud, then she was the ground, and Aunt Peggy was a force of nature," he smiles, "she probably wasn't suited for parenting. Too badass, and plus she didn't want kids; she loved her career. But she and my mother were best friends, and she always told the best stories. She gave pretty good advice, too, before she-- well, you know. I loved her like another mother regardless. Her, and Ana as well."

Jacey giggles. "How many parenting books have you read, Tones?" 

Tony flushes and sputters, "Not- I didn't -" He knocks a book off the bed with his foot. "No! That's not what it -" He puts his face in his hands, the blush spreading to his neck and ears. 

Jacey cackles and snuggles into Tony's arms some more. "I'm not judging you," her voice is light and happy, "I think it's sweet." 

Tony just mumbles about how he's got a reputation and he's not  _"sweet", goddammit._

Jacey snorts, but she lets him keep his silly delusions. 

A knock comes at the door. "Come in!" She hollers.

"Hey!" Stark swats at her. She laughs. 

It's Rhodey. He just... stares. He looks so put out and jealous, so Jacey dissolves into a fit of giggles. 

"Why wasn't I invited to the cuddle party?" He huffs petulantly. She snorts and guffaws some more. 

"Well," Stark shrugs, "it was last minute?" 

"Oh, 'last minute,' he says," Rhodey snorts, "Last minute." The airman stalks over to the two and squeezes in next to Tony. 

 

****

 

When Steve knocks on the door and it swings open he doesn't expect it. When he sticks his head around the frame to peek inside he doesn't expect to stumble into a nest. He doesn't expect the scents to smell so... calming and home-like. He gently pads over to the sleeping trio and shakes Jacey awake. He tries to clench down on the jealousy rising in his chest. 

"Hm? Oh, Steve," Jacey gets a dopey grin on her face and jerks him down to her level. He falls down face first on to her chest and he blushes profusely. 

"I- I- I'm so sorry!" 

Jacey just giggles, high on the endorphins of Tony's compiled nest pheromones. "Don't be silly! Steve~ join us!" She smiles broadly and just squishes his face into her chest and smothers him with her arms. 

"I- I- can't! It wouldn't be proper! I... Tony must be the one to invite me." Steve relaxes though, but tries to gently pull away from the woman's strong embrace. 

"J'c'y? Mmm... wha' zat?" Tony mumbles sleepily. 

"Oh, Tony! Good, you're awake! Tell Steve he can join the nest, 'kay!" She turns her head to the side to burrow her nose into Tony's neck.

"Mm," Tony blinks blearily. "Ok," he snuffles. 

Steve manages to raise his head to stare at the omega. His eyes are wide with shock. "Tony..." he breathes. This trust he's been given... it makes his heart ache and fills him with guilt and self-loathing. Tony Stark is too good for him. 

"Yeah, yeah. Just... sleep," the genius grumbles and closes his eyes. 

Steve doesn't have the resistance to refuse, so he settles in and sleeps. Promising to himself and whatever gods there are that he won't let Tony down ever again. He resolves to be better, stronger, kinder; more understanding. He'll listen more carefully from now on. He'll be a better leader and a better man. For Tony. It's all for Tony. 

As the day passes, the rest of the Avengers gradually join the nest. Normally... normally Tony wouldn't allow them to see him in his most vulnerable state, but unfortunately his omega identifies them all as pack-mates. And... since he learned the news... well, Tony wants all the comfort he can possibly get even if the moment is fleeting. And, despite his better judgement, Tony loves these idiots. He knows they're not bad people, but he just... wishes that he didn't always get taken advantage of. They don't do that on purpose, either, he knows, but regardless-- it stings. 

Tony decides that he's feeling a little cramped, so he nudges Jacey in the arm and she grumbles incoherently. 

"Jacey," he says gently. 

"Mm-wha'?" Is her oh-so comprehensive response. 

"Could you break up the nest? I'm feeling a little... boxed in." He winces.

Understanding lights up Jacey's eyes and she hurries to acquiesce. "Guys," she taps annoyingly on all the sleeping Avengers' faces. 

They all groan and make the bed creak under their combined weight. Once she has them slightly more alert, she asks them to kindly remove themselves from the bed because Tony would like his space now, please. The Avengers jolt out of their stupor so stupidly fast that more than one falls out of the bed. Tony tries not to laugh, but his efforts are rendered futile when Steve's foot gets tangled in grey sheets. Tony can't himself. He bursts out laughing. At Steve's consequential beet-red blush and pout, he has to hold his sides he's chuckling so hard.

Once they've all shuffled out, Jacey hangs behind and watches Tony with an unreadable gaze.

"What?" He attempts to sit up higher in the bed so that he's not laying down.

Her face scrunches up into an equally befuddling expression, and Tony finds himself waiting for her to say something.

"I'm... glad. That's all. Do you want help out of bed? You're probably dying for a _non-strenuous_ and  _short_ walk." She levels him with a pointed glare. 

"Hey, I'm happy you're letting me up at all, Doc." He raises his hands in mock surrender. Tony swings his legs over the side of the bed and pauses to glance at her again. "What are you glad about exactly?"

She doesn't answer for a long, pregnant minute. "Don't be mad, okay?" 

He raises a suspicious eyebrow. "I'll do my best."

She sighs and pads across the carpet to the curtains to open them. The natural light floods in and Tony blinks rapidly to clear the spots. "It's ironic that this is the happiest you've been, isn't it?" She's still facing the window, her back to him. She purses her lips and grief colors her voice. "I'm sorry it had to be like this, Tones. It's not fair to you. It's... never been fair to you." 

Tony stays quiet; brooding. 

Her body tenses like she's expecting a hit. 

"Well. It's a mad world, you know." His lips tilt upwards a bit. 

Jacey's eyes narrow. "Did you just quote a song at me?" 

Tony's eyes blow wide as if to say 'what? who? me? never.'

They both grin at each other and laugh.

"Oh!" Tony gasps.

"What? What's wrong?" Jacey is immediately in front of him and checking to make sure he's okay.

Warmth floods Tony's stomach and he grabs Jacey's hand to put it on his massive belly. "There," he murmurs, "do you feel it?"

Jacey looks down at her hand and when she feels something nudge against it she inhales sharply. "That's-- Tony..."

"Yeah," he grins a little tear in his eye, "they're kicking." 

They share a smile and continue down the corridor. Fate beats a cruel drum in Jacey's ears. She knows what's coming. It's only just a matter of time. She gazes at Tony's relaxed features and prays Strange and Steve won't be too far when the hourglass runs out of sand. 

Her face turns determined. No, she'll make it so they'll be right at his side. For now, though, they'll just all come together. As a team, and as a pack. She won't settle for anything less. Tony deserves the world, and Jacey will make sure that this team gets their shit together. They'll become legends - untouchable heroes - if she has anything to say about it. 

Fate be damned. 

Her eyes sharpen and her gazes fixes to the wall at the end of the hall in a tenacious glare. She won't let this turn out the way 616 did. She won't. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for the delay. (i know it's been a long time; y'all are rockstars) i love you guys so much. please send me love!
> 
> Happy New Year!


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